Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins
by matureskinsfan
Summary: Emily Fitch has woken up to a living hell. She appears to have been transformed overnight into James Cook! Sounds unlikely, doesn't it but it appears to have happened. Intrigued? Read on.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

This is an idea that came into my head the other day. It's **not** entirely original as anyone who has seen the recent TV drama series Boy Meets Girl will testify. However I thought it might be fun to try to apply the basic concept to the Skins characters and see where it goes. I'm not sure whether to develop it into a full blown story or not. It all depends on what reaction I get to the first couple of chapters, I suppose. If enough people like the idea and want me to carry on with it, then I will, so it's over to you guys for your reviews!

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Hi! I'm Emily Fitch and I have a horrible feeling that something is **seriously fucked up** here. Now there could be any number of explanations for what seems to have happened to me and I'll gladly take any one of them right now. After all, there has to be a bloody good reason why I appear to have gone to sleep last night as a normal, cripplingly shy, insecure, sixteen year old, closet lesbian virgin and woken up this morning inside the body of my mate Cook, a normal, arrogant, overconfident, sexually overactive, seventeen year old, macho, Jack the Lad guy.

Firstly, I could still be dreaming. No wait, let me rephrase that – I could be having a nightmare. Because if there is one person amongst my circle of acquaintances and friends who I would least like to swap places with for all the money in the world it is a certain James Cook. Of course I use the terms 'mate' and 'friend' incredibly loosely to describe my relationship with Cook or 'The Cookie Monster' as he so charmingly and humbly likes to refer to himself.

Wanker. Arsehole. Dickhead. Fuckwit. Any one of those epithets would be a much more accurate description of my feelings towards Cook. He is just one of a small handful of students I hang around with at sixth form college but to date I have to admit he has spectacularly failed to 'turn me'. Turn my _stomach_, absolutely, many times already in the short period of time that I've known him, but turn my head, make me question my sexuality? Sadly for him, not yet! Nor is he ever likely to!

It's also possible that I could still be hallucinating wildly from a really bad trip after last night. I mean, there was a fair amount of seriously good shit being passed around amongst us and I'm pretty certain I didn't turn my nose up at it. _Put _it up my nose, yeah, almost certainly, not that I'm a habitual user by any means. Just a little bit every now and then, purely for recreational purposes but nothing heavy, you know. I leave that to the likes of Cook and Freddie, his best snorting mate. So that possibility seems somewhat remote.

The only other likely explanation for this apparent gender transformation I seem to have undergone is that I'm still pissed out of my brain from last night's party. It was Cook's seventeenth birthday and after a spectacularly dull and tedious start round his uncle's pub where Cook displayed all the charm and grace of a chimpanzee on heat, we managed to gatecrash some private party for a friend of Freddie's sister where we all got royally hammered on the free booze that was on offer. So I could be suffering from the mother of all hangovers which has seriously warped my normally keen perception of what's going on around me.

Now, if I _am _dreaming this, then surely I'll wake up in total agony but mercifully still as Emily if I stick something really sharp into, let's say, the side of my leg. I search around the room for something fitting for the job and my eyes come to rest on a knife and fork lying on a plate on the window sill. I contemplate the two implements briefly before choosing the fork. I take a deep breath, brace myself, shut my eyes firmly and then jab the fork as hard as I dare into the side of my leg.

The scream –inducing, excruciating pain and immediate torrent of blood gushing from my leg and running unchecked down onto the carpet on which I have collapsed in agony would seem to have disproved my theory that I am still asleep and that this is all a bad dream. Fuck me, that hurt….. and the body of Emily has not been returned to me as I'd hoped.

That would only appear to leave the twin possibilities of the side effects of substantial drug and alcohol abuse. But I have been as pissed as a fart and as high as a kite on a number of occasions in the past and have NEVER to my certain knowledge woken up afterwards wearing someone else's clothes AND someone else's face and body. There would appear to be only one logical, rational explanation for this curious state of affairs. Somehow or other, I say to myself, in my drug induced, alcohol-fuelled sleep I have turned into Cook!!

The moment I repeat out loud that undeniable conclusion, the second those very words come out of my mouth in Cook's instantly recognizable dulcet manly tones, I feel my head go dizzy and my legs completely give way beneath me as I crash to the floor in a spectacular display of fainting.

I come to some time later in a heap on the floor. God only knows how long I was out for. I gingerly climb to my feet, rubbing the side of my head where I can feel a slight bump forming from where I must have made a heavy impact with the carpet. I walk across the room and look in the mirror for the second time since I woke up this morning but the result is devastatingly, appallingly and depressingly the same. It is Cook's ugly mug that is looking back at me, not my own familiar, reasonably pretty (though I say so myself) and very feminine features.

I am close to hyperventilating and passing out again so I grab a tight hold of the sink unit to support myself while I confront the awful stark reality of the situation. I look down at myself and take in once again the undeniable fact that I am wearing exactly the same clothes that Cook was wearing all day yesterday at his birthday party.

So, let's just sum up the position quite simply as I see it. These are **my** thoughts, **my** feelings and **my** fears whizzing around my head on the inside of me but quite unmistakeably Cook's body and Cook's voice hosting them on the outside of me. I start to feel my legs shaking uncontrollably again so I sit down on the bed and try to calm myself down.

But this is easier said than done when my stomach is doing a hundred somersaults, when my hands are shaking so violently it almost seems like they're going to drop off the end of my arms and when my heart is beating so hard and loudly that I could almost imagine that the alien is going to burst out of my body at any moment.

I close my eyes and the tears start streaming down my face as I struggle to comprehend what the fuck has happened to me. Sure, my life has been pretty shit most of the time, what with Katie bullying the hell out of me for the last ten years or so and Naomi, the girl I'd completely fallen in love with ever since I saw her in junior school, virtually ignoring me since term started. But nothing on God's planet could be as totally and utterly shit as suddenly finding out that for no possible rational reason whatsoever I had become Cook!!

As this awful, unreal, yet conversely apparent reality started to take hold of me by the throat and threaten to suffocate what little remained of my will to carry on living, I also begin to appreciate that not only do I appear to have turned into Cook, not only am I wearing Cook's clothes but I also seem to have woken up in Cook's own student room!

Clearly this is not my own little bedroom that I have had the privilege of sharing with Katie ever since I can remember. It in no way resembles the sort of bedroom you would imagine two teenage girls would be likely to sleep in, full of lots of examples of feminine touches and objects which would leave the casual observer in no doubt as to the sex of the people who live in it. On the contrary, it is very much the type of living quarters inhabited by a typical teenage boy; moreover the sort of boy who doesn't give a flying fuck about cleanliness, neatness, order and a certain sense of style.

No, it is quite apparent, now that I take a good, measured look around me with a rapidly increasing feeling of disgust and revulsion, that I have woken up in Cook's body AND in his fucking hovel of a room. So, not only do I no longer know _who_ the hell I am, I also appear not to know _where_ the hell I am! I go and sit down on the bed again and a thought passes through my mind. If, by a stroke of extraordinary good fortune, Cook actually lives on the sixteenth floor of a high rise student accommodation building, I might as well just take the opportunity to throw myself off the top of it and finish this living hell before it can get any worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins, Emily has woken up after Cook's seventeenth birthday party apparently having been transformed overnight into Cook. When we left her last she was contemplating jumping out of the window to end it all.

Did she go ahead with it, thus making this one of the shortest and most distressing Skins stories ever? Find out below!

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I opened one of the windows and poked my head out, looking downwards with curiosity at the scene below me. Well, it's not exactly as high up as the sixteenth floor, that is true, but it is nonetheless a fair old way down from here to the ground. If I had a half a mind I could probably make a pretty decent stab at ending it all right now and so spare myself any further misery. Fortunately, though, I was no longer in possession of half a mind. The few grey cells I had left were way too frazzled and shrivelled to be capable of doing anything quite as deliberate and calculating as throwing myself out of a window.

With a heavy sigh and a realisation that I was turning down the opportunity of a quick exit rather than the slow, lingering and painful death that I was inevitably condemning myself to as Cook, I closed the window and returned to the bed. Despite still not really being able to take seriously what seemed to have happened to me, even now expecting to wake up any moment in a cold sweat and screaming my head off next to Katie, I told myself that I absolutely had to take stock of the position I was in so as best to come up with a plan for getting out of this unholy mess.

To state the bleeding obvious, I have woken up in Cook's body and in Cook's room. Logically, therefore, Cook's mind surely must have likewise woken up in _my _body and in _my _room; or perhaps, I should say, what passes for Cook's minuscule brain and capacity for rational thought must have woken up in my bed and in my room.

Fuck me! I thought. Katie will go absolutely ape when she wakes up to find Cook in the bed next to her! As for Cook's likely reaction, well I had to confess that, for the first time in about half an hour, I couldn't prevent the merest hint of a smile and a giggle from breaking out across my face at the thought of that image. Without a shadow of a doubt Cook must have done a shit load of stupid and crazy things in his short life so far, judging by what I had already seen him do ever since I'd known him. However I can't imagine he's ever woken up not only dressed as a sixteen year old girl but looking and feeling like one too!

A wickedly mischievous thought then crossed my mind which almost made me laugh out loud but I just stopped myself in time before the sound of Cook's voice filled the room. How the fuck is Cook going to cope with having a pair of tits and a fanny as his very own to carry around with him 24-7 instead of just enjoying some poor girl's erogenous zones when it suited him? That is going to blow his mind sky high!

But no sooner had that hilarious image popped into my head and for a brief moment provided me with a small amount of sadistic satisfaction than an even more disgusting and nauseating realisation kicked in which drove away all thoughts of Cook's personal pain and suffering. I couldn't believe that it had taken this long for it to dawn on me in all its awfulness and horror.

I looked down at myself and slowly, painstakingly, I forced my trembling right hand down towards the area of my groin. I shut my eyes so tightly that they started to hurt and I rested the palm of my hand lightly onto the place where X usually marked the spot. Holy Mother of God!!! I knew what I would find but it still came as a heart-stopping moment to get physical confirmation of the stark reality confronting me right now. I had become overnight the proud owner of a doubtless _fully_ functioning set of male genitals.

I could do absolutely nothing to stop the bile from rising up from the pit of my stomach, shooting up my throat and heading straight for the inside of my mouth. I got up off the bed and ran as quickly as I could for the sink unit in the opposite corner of the room. I just about managed to reach it in time before I projectile vomited into the sink. For a good ten or fifteen seconds I heaved furiously into the basin, hanging on to the sides of the sink with both hands for dear life and retching more violently than I had ever managed before even after an evening's heavy cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

When I was convinced that it wasn't possible for me to be any sicker at the thought of having my very own cock and balls to play with instead of my usual toys, I returned to the bed as a broken young woman. No girl could ever deserve this humiliation and suffering, no matter what she might have said or done in her life. This was indeed a living hell!

Yet, as horrific as the discoveries of the last few minutes were, I knew I couldn't afford to dwell on them any longer. Quite apart from driving me deeper and further into a pit of despair and misery from which I might never escape, I also recognised that such preoccupations with my physical transformation would actually not achieve anything. What was required instead was rational thought and decisive action. I needed to get out of this place right now and go somewhere, anywhere, with a sense of purpose.

The only place it was logical for me to head towards was home. If Cook was now me and assuming he hadn't felt the urge, like me, to kill himself at the earliest opportunity, (or possibly had already tried and failed, knowing the tosspot as I did!), then I had to find him bloody soon before he said or did something that freaked out my whole family. As nauseating as the idea would have seemed to me in normal circumstances, I reckoned that he and I had no option but to try to figure out together what the fuck had happened to us and work out a way do to put things back how they were before last night.

It wasn't that I was expecting Cook to come out with any great pearls of wisdom – a quiet intelligence and calm rational thought weren't as a rule included amongst his skill sets. Shagging anything in a skirt, drinking himself stupid, snorting and popping pills till the shit came out of his ears, now they were his particular strengths but sadly I felt something a touch more cerebral and intellectual was going to be of more use to the pair of us to deal with this little problem that we'd inherited.

Nonetheless I supposed that at least having him around me would make me feel a bit better about myself – at least I would have the proof I needed that we were in this shit together and, like it or not, for the foreseeable future we would each be all the other one had. I blotted out of my mind completely the possibility that Cook had _not_ become me as I doubted that I would be able to cope with a scenario more complicated than the one I had put together so far.

For fuck's sake, Em (or should I say Cook!!?). Get your arse into gear and get moving unless you want to stay as Cook for the rest of your miserable little life! With that short motivational speech delivered I got up off the bed and left Cook's room, shutting the door behind me, not knowing or even caring if I would ever be back there again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily has woken up to find she has been transformed into Cook. She has refused to take the easy way out and has set off in search of Cook – or rather, to find herself, as all young people try to do as they grow up.

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Emily had been standing around across the road from her house for quite some time now, completely undecided as to what to do. She had been running the various possible scenarios through her mind and didn't know which one to gamble on.

If Cook was in the house, what were the odds that he was still fast asleep, blissfully unaware that he had been transformed into her overnight? What if he had already woken up and had found out what had happened? Surely he would have gone completely ballistic and all hell would have broken out in the house. But there were no obvious signs of a nuclear explosion – no sounds of shouting and screaming, no evidence that he had already done a panic-stricken runner. If he had, surely he would have left a trail of confused and bewildered Fitches in his wake.

What if he wasn't there and hadn't been there all night? Emily's memory of the previous night was a little hazy but she could have sworn she had made it home more or less in one piece. She thought she remembered being supported by Katie as the pair of them stumbled home in a fairly drunken stupor in the small hours of the morning. She could definitely recall being disappointed, verging on upset, when Naomi left the party early and so drowned her sorrows in as much free drink as she could lay her hands on. So how the fuck had she woken up this morning in Cook's body in his room?

Emily realised she was in danger of tying herself up in knots trying to make sense of something which defied reason and logic. She told herself not to waste any more time pondering why this ludicrous situation had happened. She had to find Cook and find him quickly – that had to be the priority. She decided she had to assume that he was in the house and still asleep and therefore she had no option but to try to get to him before he could confront the awful truth.

She dragged herself slowly across the road and approached the front door with considerable trepidation. Her heart was beating like a huge bass drum and she was finding it difficult to breathe. Fortunately her willpower kicked in just when she needed it most and with a trembling hand she rang the doorbell. She cleared her throat several times and steeled herself for the shocking sound of Cook's voice which would echo in her head once she opened her mouth to speak.

After a few seconds the door opened and there stood her mother looking at her like she was a complete stranger- which of course Emily knew she was, to all intents and purposes. She longed to cry out 'Mum, it's me, it's Emily!' and throw herself sobbing into her arms. But she forced herself not to. She knew her mother would freak out at some strange boy claiming to be one of her daughters who, as far as she was aware, was still sleeping upstairs in her bedroom.

'Hello, Mrs Fitch. You don't know me, I'm Cook. I'm a friend of Emily's. I really need to speak to her right now, if that's okay. It's extremely urgent.'

Her Mum was on the point of opening her mouth to answer, presumably along the lines of 'I'll go and see if she's awake. What's it about?', when suddenly there was the most almighty commotion coming from upstairs. Emily's heart sank as she guessed that it could only mean one thing. Cook had just woken up as Emily! She could hear high pitched shouting and screaming, accompanied by profuse and repeated swearing, and both she and her Mum turned their heads to look up the stairs in surprise.

Emily knew instinctively she had to act fast otherwise she dreaded what the consequences might be – for all of them. She muttered something about knowing what this was all about and ran into the house and up the stairs, catching her Mum completely by surprise. She didn't have a chance of stopping Emily who was at the top of the stairs in no time and headed straight for her bedroom where everything was clearly kicking off.

She burst into the room and took in with difficulty the disturbingly surreal scene which confronted her. It almost made her head spin and she didn't quite know how she didn't lose consciousness, so fucked up and freaked out was the sight before her eyes. There she was, herself, cowering in a corner of the room, wearing the same clothes that she had on last night, her face as white as a sheet as if she had just seen a ghost. Her eyes were bulging and her mouth was wide open, still making strange whimpering sounds that defied any precise description.

Emily had of course looked at herself in the mirror thousands of times before. However, standing in the doorway now looking at someone else actually being her was the weirdest feeling she had ever experienced in her young life. By a country mile and then some.

Of course it was Cook she was looking at: Cook was her spitting image, her very own doppelganger. She knew it was him – who else could it be? The expression of overwhelming horror and utter confusion on his face as he looked over at her and saw himself, standing a few feet away, confirmed it. He was inside her body, alright!

Katie was over by her bed, clearly shaken and totally mystified by what must have just happened. As far as she saw things, her twin had just woken up and completely and utterly freaked out in front of her. What else was she supposed to think?

That Emily was having the mother of all nightmares or that she was hallucinating and tripping worse than she'd ever done in her entire life? Looking over at Emily she said,

'What the **fuck **are you doing here, Cook?! And why has Ems totally freaked out? Is this something to do with you?'

Emily knew she had to be decisive. She had to talk to Cook right away but she also knew they couldn't have any meaningful conversation about this whole fucked up situation here in her house. Not with her Mum and Katie around. That would be impossible. They had to get away; they had to be on their own, even if it was just for a short while, to talk things through free from any hassle from other people.

She went over to Cook who immediately shrunk even further into the corner of the room and started shaking his head in disbelief at what was going on. He gave full rein to his total confusion and bewilderment.

'What the fuck is happening?! Who the fucking hell are you?! What the fuck is going on here? Why the fuck do I look like this?'

Cook's expletives sounded so strange coming out of Emily's mouth even though she could hold her own in the swearing stakes. Katie looked at her distraught sister in amazement and said,

'What do you mean, who the fuck are you? It's Cook, you idiot. Though what he's doing here, I've no idea! And what do you mean 'Why do I look like this?'

Emily bent down and grabbed hold of Cook and pulled him roughly to his feet. Despite the whole lunacy of what was happening here, she couldn't help noticing how much strength she now had compared to when she was Emily. She was able to yank Cook to his feet with barely any effort at all and she felt a curious surge of satisfaction at the physical power she was now able to exert over Cook.

She dragged him across the room despite his instant howls of protest and headed for the bedroom door. Katie immediately made a move towards the pair of them to stop Cook from dragging her sister off but Emily carried on and bundled Cook out of the door. Katie started screaming at Emily to leave her sister alone but Emily just ignored her, even though she felt the tears welling up inside her.

As she pushed Cook out onto the landing they almost knocked over her mother who had come to see what the dreadful row was about. Emily grabbed a firm hold on a seriously reluctant and still screaming Cook and managed to drag him down the stairs with her as fast as she could, almost falling over once or twice. Her mother and Katie followed right behind them, screaming at the top of their voices,

'Emily! Leave my daughter alone, you bastard! Get off her!'

'Leave her alone, Cook! What the fuck are you playing at! Take your hands off her!'

Emily ignored them both, even though it was breaking her heart to do so. She pulled a protesting yet physically weakened Cook over to the front door which her mother must have left still ajar after she had burst into the house. She pushed him out of the door and then told him in a low voice but with a tone which she hoped would brook no argument,

'Cook! Just fucking run! I know it's you. I'm Emily. Just fucking run as fast as you can with me!'

He looked at her with an expression that spelt confusion and disbelief beyond all human experience Yet something, Emily suspected, perhaps something in her words, her tone, the expression on her face maybe, but there was definitely something which suddenly made Cook realise that he had to do exactly what she'd just told him. He started running down the road away from the house and Emily ran with him, as if her life depended on it. In fact she was soon past him and had to reach her hand out and pull him with her, as her Mum and Katie followed them down the road in hot pursuit, screaming and shouting both her name and Cook's.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily has grabbed a bewildered and freaked out Cook and ran off with him from the Fitch house with Mum and Katie in hot pursuit. What on earth do our Odd Couple do now and where do they go from here? Read on to find out.

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Emily and Cook had only been running for a hundred yards or so before they lost sight of the pursuing Katie and Mrs Fitch. Clearly her Mum and sister had thought better of chasing the two of them all around town and had given up. What will they do now, wondered Emily. Probably go back home and call the police! A confused girl has been abducted by a strange boy who she barely knows – cancel all police leave for the weekend and set in motion a massive search for a young girl whose life might be in grave danger!

Oh, come on! Surely they wouldn't go that far, would they? Emily pondered for a moment. Katie will tell Mum Cook isn't a complete stranger and doesn't pose a threat to her but how would she even begin to explain what had just happened? No, she and Cook haven't got much time alone together. Cook would have to go back to her house and face the music pretty damn soon.

The two of them had come to a halt and were puffing and panting, desperately trying to get their breath back after such a strenuous physical workout. Cook was looking at Emily with wild, confused eyes and a glazed expression on his face, as if seeking an instant answer to their bizarre predicament.

'What the fuck is happening here? Why do I look like you and you look like me?'

Emily decided this was not the time for a deep intellectual and philosophical debate on the rationality and logic of their situation. She had to cut to the chase.

'Cook! Listen to me. I haven't got a clue what's happened to us any more than you have. I seem to have woken up this morning inside your body and you've woken up in mine. Don't ask me how, it's just happened, it doesn't make any fucking sense at all.'

'This is fucking ridiculous! _How_'s it happened? Everything was normal last night! I remember being me at the party. This is completely insane!'

'Yes, it is. But right now we've got to start dealing with it as best we can. What we've got to do is buy ourselves some time to think. I had to get you away from Mum and Katie like that, I had no option. You were freaking out, they were worried and there was no way we could have talked about this thing with them around. Ok?'

Cook nodded silently and started looking at himself up and down in total disbelief, before doing the same to Emily. He shook his head and said 'This is the weirdest, freakiest thing ever! Is that really you, Emily?'

'Of course it is. Who else could it be with you looking like me? Use what little brains you've got, for fuck's sake. None of it makes any sense.'

'We've gotta find a way of fixing this, I can't stay like you for ever, it would fucking kill me!'

'Stop thinking about just yourself, Cook! What about me too? Do you honestly think I like being you? It's a fucking living nightmare for me, you know!'

A small grin flickered across Cook's face for the first time since he had woken up that morning. 'Oh, come on, you could do a lot worse than me. I mean, you could have turned into JJ! Then you would have been totally screwed up. At least you've turned into a good looking guy like me!'

'This isn't the time for making jokes, Cook! We've got to move fast. Mum and Katie may be back home by now and they might be calling the police. I have just abducted you from your own house, after all. You've **got** to go back home.'

Cook looked at Emily aghast and shook his head violently in protest.

'You've got to be joking! You want me to go back to your house and pretend to be you with Katie and your Mum? Fuck off! It'll never work.'

'It's got to work, Cook. What else can we do for now? We need to buy ourselves time to think this whole thing through, don't we? To do that we have to give the impression that everything is normal again for both of us. You've got to carry on being me for a while and I'll have to pretend to be you.' Emily was conscious that she was trying to convince herself as much as Cook as to the merits of her plan.

'You're off your head. For how long? We'll never fool anyone.' Cook didn't see how Emily's plan could possibly work. Who was going to fall for that? Surely not her own family? Certainly not even his best mates who'd known him for years? It was utterly ridiculous to think they could do that.

'We haven't got any choice, Cook. Look, if we told anyone what has really happened to us, do you seriously imagine anyone will believe us? They'll think we've gone off our heads….. or… probably that we've both taken some really heavy shit which has made us hallucinate! Either way, all my family will be fussing round you like you wouldn't believe. We'd be laughed out of town.'

'OK, I get that. So, what exactly are you saying we should do?' Cook seemed more calm and composed than anytime since Emily had first clapped eyes on him today. Maybe she's finally getting through that thick skull of his, she hoped. She took a deep breath and voiced out loud the vague plan she'd been formulating in her head over the past couple of minutes while Cook had been effing and blinding the shock out of his system.

'You go back to my house and show Mum and Katie that you're fine and they don't need to get the police involved. Tell them……I don't know……tell them, like, you've been feeling really stressed out recently, what with starting at college and everything and you've been having bad dreams, nightmares. That's why you freaked out when you woke up and were acting strangely afterwards. You might just get away with that if you're really convincing.'

Cook gave it some thought for a moment or two and nodded slowly in appreciation. She wasn't stupid, he admitted to himself, she could think on her feet alright. He had to give her some credit for that.

'OK. That just might work. But how does that explain you turning up and dragging me away like you did? What am I going to say about that?' He thought he had spotted a flaw in her grand plan.

Emily finally lost patience with Cook – it was wafer thin at the best of times with him and he really wasn't helping her right now. She needed his support and all he was doing was putting a spanner in the works.

'I don't fucking know, Cook! Use your imagination. You must have _some_ fucking brains. Or are they all in your **cock,** like everyone says?' A strong surge of anger and frustration rose to the surface of Emily's emotions and for a moment she was afraid she was going to burst into tears but she just about managed to control herself.

'Jesus Christ!' exclaimed Cook with a horrified look on his face as he stared down at his groin. He slid his hand down Emily's skirt which he was wearing and felt for a sign that his beloved manhood was still present and correct. 'Fuck!' he shouted as he immediately discovered that the aforementioned cock was conspicuous by its absence. He looked over at Emily and then down at her groin with something approaching an even greater sense of disbelief and horror than he had managed so far that morning.

'Yes, Cook. So the penny's finally dropped, has it?** I** seem to have your revolting cock now! The idea is so disgusting I can hardly bear to even think about it.'

'Fuck off! I think you'll be seriously impressed with it when you see it up close. I've never had any complaints from any girl when it comes to the size of my cock, I'll have you know. Quite the opposite, if you know what I mean.'

Cook couldn't resist giving Emily a wink and a knowing look as a genuine self-satisfied smirk lit up his face as he grinned from ear to ear.

'Jesus, Cook! This is not the time to be thinking about you and your dick. We're in deep shit here and we've got to get ourselves out of it. You're not helping, you know. Now, get the fuck out of here and get back to my house and start making your excuses like I said.'

'OK, OK. Chill out, babe.'

'And you can stop talking like that or you really will screw it up for both of us. You're not macho man Cook anymore, remember. You're _me _and I would never come out with crap like that.'

'Alright. Supposing I do sort it out with Katie and your Mum, then what?'

Emily didn't as yet have an answer to that question. She knew she couldn't go back to Cook's shithole of a student room. If her Mum had called the police then it wouldn't be long before they turned up there - that would be the first place they would think of looking.

'I need somewhere safe to hide for a while until we're sure the police aren't looking for me. Somewhere no-one will think of searching to find me. Somewhere we could meet a bit later after you've calmed Mum and Katie down.' She looked doubtfully at Cook, hoping that he would have a suggestion for once, though not with a great deal of confidence that he would. However, he was about to surprise her.

'I know where you can go. Freddie's shed. You'll be safe there.'

'Freddie's what?' asked Emily, her face betraying a heavy degree of scepticism and suspicion.

'Yeah. The shed in Freddie's garden. It's our own special den, you know. The refuge for the three amigos – me, Freddie and JJ. No-one else goes in there. We're always hanging around in it. Freddie practically lives there half the time. You can go and hide there. If Freddie found you there, it'd be fine. He wouldn't mind.'

Emily was very dubious of Cook's suggestion – it sounded a highly unlikely safe haven for her but in the absence of any better idea it would have to do for now, she reasoned. Cook quickly told Emily how to find her way to the infamous shed.

'OK, I'll try it out. Now you'd better get going back to my place and calm Mum and Katie down. As soon as you reckon you've done that and the police aren't going to be crawling all over the city looking for me, then you get away from there as soon as you can and join me in the shed. Understood?'

'No sweat. Leave it to me. Cookie's the man for a crisis. It'll be a doddle.'

Clearly some of Cook's natural swagger, boastfulness and self-confidence had returned and he seemed much less freaked out by the absurdity of their situation than he was earlier. Emily wasn't sure if that was altogether a good thing or not. Too much misplaced confidence might lead Cook into fucking the whole plan up. She issued one last clarion call for concentration and common sense.

'Cook, I'm relying on you not to arse around with Mum and Katie. You need to be bloody convincing when you get back home. For both our sakes, OK? We need to buy ourselves plenty of time to think through this whole fucked up situation. We can't do that if I'm picked up by the police or if you find yourself grounded at home.'

Cook nodded and gave Emily what he thought was a comforting pat on the back. He was actually looking forward to this little charade in a funny sort of way, he thought. Granted, he was still more than a bit freaked out by having become Emily overnight. It was also fucking weird talking to someone who was the spitting image of himself. But assuming they would somehow work out how to put things back to normal again some time soon, he began to realise there might be some fun to be had out of their temporary transformations. It certainly promised to be a day neither of them was likely to forget in a hurry!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily and Cook (or rather Cook and Emily) have been on the run from Katie and Emily's Mum. They have decided that Cook has to go back to the Fitch house and call the heat off the two of them and they have agreed to meet up again later in Freddie's shed.

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Emily found her way to Freddie's house surprisingly easily, considering she only had Cook's directions to go on. She went round the side of the house and into the back garden just as he'd told her to and immediately saw the famous shed where she had agreed to wait for him. She looked back up at the house nervously but could see no signs of life. All was still and peaceful with only the sounds of the birds chirping in the background disturbing the morning calm. She walked hesitantly towards the shed and opened the door outwards, not quite knowing what would be laying in store for her on the inside.

She moved swiftly through the doorway and quietly closed the door behind her. She went forward a couple of steps and looked around the room, taking in as much of the contents of the shed as was afforded her by the half light that filtered in through the windows to the right side of the door. It was exactly what one might have expected of an ordinary garden shed – a grotty old building filled to the rafters with all manner of junk and bric-a-brac, piles of random objects lying around in careless disorder, a clapped out old car along one side, a few moth-eaten old chairs here and there, some pieces of standard garden equipment.

She moved towards one of the armchairs and, after inspecting it as closely as she dared, sat down in it with a visible degree of distaste and suspicion. Slowly she leaned back in it and closed her eyes, probably the first time she had felt able to relax since she had woken up that morning. The peace and quiet was soothing and comforting, and she was extremely grateful for it as her nerves were still in considerable tatters after the events of the last few hours.

She longed to fall into a deep sleep and wake up God knows when as Emily again but she knew she was kidding herself. For the time being she was stuck as Cook until she (or possibly they, but more likely she!) could figure out what had happened to them and how they could put it right again. She felt a heavy tiredness wash over her as she sat huddled up in the armchair, and feelings of despair, isolation and confusion began to assail all her senses, forcing her into a state of near coma from which she thought she might never recover.

Suddenly Emily was rudely snapped out of her trance-like state by the sound of the shed door being opened and in came Freddie, pulling up short when he clapped eyes on her. He seemed a little surprised to see her there but certainly neither shocked nor annoyed as his friendly tone of voice and his choice of words indicated.

'Cook. What are you doing here, mate?' He came over with a half smile and sat down next to Emily who, in the space of a few seconds, briefly considered just how much of the truth she should tell him. She decided that discretion should prevail for the moment.

'You don't mind, do you, Freddie? I need to keep a bit of a low profile for a while, you know. Can't go back home so I thought I might hide out here for a bit. Is that OK?'

'Sure. Fine by me. Is this to do with last night? You know, that shit that went down with you and Johnny White?'

Freddie looked at his mate with an expression that betrayed a mixture of concern and exasperation. He was convinced that one of these days Cook would get himself into such serious trouble that not even he, Freddie, would be able to save him. Not for the first time the thought occurred to Freddie that Cook would be safer and better off if he simply stayed in their shed and never once left it. He and JJ together knew how to handle Cook after all the years they'd been best mates together. It was all the other people in the world who were the problem when it came to relationships with Cook.

'Sort of, yeah. I just think I'd better go under the radar for a bit. You know, till things cool down. People could be out there looking for me, I guess.' Emily hoped that this vague load of bullshit sounded plausible enough to buy her a bit more time and breathing space. Freddie seemed to buy it, although he didn't bother to conceal his surprise at what Emily had said.

'Bloody hell! That's not like you to think straight. Cook actually choosing to do the sensible thing and keep out of trouble for once. Whatever next? Will pigs be flying tomorrow?'

Emily smiled back at Freddie and shrugged her shoulders in acknowledgement that this was out of character for Cook. 'Shit', she thought to herself, 'that sounded crap, nothing like the real Cook. Already Freddie's suspicious of me. Come on! Get your act together, for fuck's sake.'

'Do you want a beer?' Freddie had already got up and moved towards a corner of the shed, returning swiftly with two opened bottles, one of which he held out to Emily. She looked at it and accepted it after some slight hesitation, which she was certain that Freddie had noticed, judging by the bemused expression which broke out across his face.

'Are you sure you're okay?' he asked her as he leaned back in his chair and started swigging from the bottle.

'I'm fine, Freddie. Just a bit tired after last night, you know. It was quite a party, wasn't it? What can you remember about it?' Emily thought she would try to see if Freddie could shed any light on what might have happened to her and Cook which had led to this bizarre and freakish nightmare the two of them were caught up in.

'Well, it was the same old same old, wasn't? You got completely wrecked on booze and dope; you tried to get off with the wrong girl, and then capped it off as usual by picking a fight with anyone you could find. Except you chose Johnny White, which wasn't clever, was it? You could have got yourself killed, you idiot!'

That was pretty much what Emily could remember about the evening so Freddie hadn't shed any light on anything that was going to help her and Cook. They were going to have to delve deeper into the evening's events to find the answer they were looking for, clearly.

The two of them drank their beer and sat silently for a couple of minutes. Emily wasn't a great beer drinker – normally she was happier knocking back wine or spirits, so after having drunk half the bottle's contents, she was conscious of an urgent need to have a pee. She got up out of her far from comfy chair and said to Freddie,

'I need to go for a pee. Is it OK if I go inside?'

Freddie leaned over the side of his chair, picked up a large plastic container and threw it across to her. 'Use the bottle,' he said.

Emily instinctively caught the object he'd thrown at her and took a good look at it as she held it in her hands. It was a fairly large plastic container, like the ones used in offices to dispense drinking water, and it was roughly half full with a suspiciously yellow coloured liquid. She slowly realised the implications of what he had just said and looked over at him with her mouth wide open and an expression of genuine disgust all over her face.

'You've got to be joking, aren't you?' she said before she could stop herself in time.

Freddie looked bemused and a slight grin spread across his finely sculpted features as he stared at his friend in puzzlement.

'What's your problem, Cook? You've probably pissed in it almost as many times as I have over the years.'

'Well not today, I'm not! Mind if I go inside for once?' Disguise or no disguise, Emily was absolutely not going to pee into a bottle, she was adamant on that point, and certainly not when Freddie was in the same room as her! No fucking way, Jose!

'Go ahead' said Freddie. He was finding Cook's behaviour extremely strange this morning. This wasn't the usual Cook he knew and loved, this was a rather subdued, reticent, almost nervous Cook, in fact a Cook he barely recognised. Last night must have shaken him up quite badly then, Freddie was forced to conclude, more than he had ever seen him affected before.

Emily left the shed and went into the house through the back door, finding herself in the McClair kitchen. She hadn't a clue where the toilet was so she just had to try all the doors until she found it, she thought. She would have waited until later if she could have but she was really bursting to go and could almost have pissed in her trousers right there and then.

She reasoned that the toilet had to be upstairs so she went out of the kitchen and was up the stairs in a jiffy, finding herself on the landing with a number of closed doors facing her, any one of which could have been the haven she was seeking. She had a good look at the options and decided on the door on the far left which looked small enough to be the entrance to the bathroom.

She slowly turned the handle and opened the door cautiously, edging slowly into the room. She could tell almost immediately she had made the wrong choice, but unfortunately not before Freddie's sister Karen had turned round and screamed out loud at the sight of what she thought was Cook ogling her half naked body as she was putting her bra on.

Emily was horrified at her unwelcome intrusion into Karen's bedroom and could feel herself turning bright red with embarrassment as she mumbled a hasty apology and backed out of the room in a hurry. She closed the door quickly and stood on the landing, not knowing what to do next. She was feeling awful that she had walked in on Karen as she was getting dressed and even more so that she, Emily, was now probably viewed as just a disgusting pervy boy who was desperately trying to get a glimpse of Karen's tits.

But before she could decide what to do next, a now more fully covered up Karen had opened her bedroom door and was stood there, her face like thunder, facing a still red-faced Emily.

'Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you playing at, Cook, you dirty old perv? Are there no lengths you wouldn't go to to catch sight of my tits? What the hell are you creeping around our house for anyway?'

Emily gulped hard and apologised profusely again to the obviously furious Karen who she knew had often been on the receiving end of Cook's pathetic chat up lines and what he probably saw as normal, harmless, red blooded flirting and groping

'I'm really sorry, Karen. I didn't mean to burst in on you like that, honestly! I was looking for the bathroom. I just made a mistake and opened the wrong door. I'm _really_ sorry.'

Karen was completely taken aback by the swiftness and apparent sincerity of Cook's apology. It wasn't like Cook to apologise for anything, and certainly not for ogling at her tits, whether it was done accidentally or otherwise.

'Come again? You're saying sorry for something? Are you feeling alright? Did Johnny White give you such a good kicking last night that you're still punch drunk or something?'

Emily was kicking herself for screwing up her Cook characterisation yet again. It was much harder portraying a convincing Cook than she had initially thought it would be. She just couldn't seem to suppress her normal kind and considerate personality from coming out whenever she was with anyone else other than Cook himself.

'I'm fine, thanks. I'm just a bit knackered, that's all. I've forgotten which door is the bathroom.' She looked at Karen with eyes that were silently pleading with her to give her the information she was seeking. She was almost on the point of pissing right on the spot again and she was beginning to feel in some considerable pain. Fortunately Karen decided not to pursue Cook's bizarre and out of character behaviour any further and pointed to a door at the end of the short corridor.

Emily thanked her and almost flew into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her as she gratefully found the safe refuge she was so desperately in need of.

A couple of minutes later, after understandably one of the more unusual bathroom experiences of her short life, Emily opened the door and peered out into the landing.

She was mightily relieved to see that there was no sign of Karen or anyone else for that matter and so she ran across the landing and down the stairs as fast as she could. She flew through a still empty kitchen and out into the back garden, heading for the safety of the shed, or so she thought. She opened the door for the second time that day, only this time it wasn't to find an empty shed but one containing Freddie, JJ and Cook, all of whom turned their faces round towards her as she stood in the doorway, her heart thumping and her throat as dry as a bone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily has taken refuge in Freddie's shed and has already had an embarrassing incident with Karen. Cook has set out for the Fitch house to put her Mum's and Katie's minds at rest.

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After parting company with Emily, Cook made his way to the Fitch family home with a heavy rush of adrenaline and a feeling of keen anticipation. He was always up for a challenge and this task that he had been entrusted with promised to be extremely challenging, a true test of his bravado and his coolness under pressure. Cook always liked to live life right on the edge and the prospect of having to convince Emily's Mum and Katie that he was Emily and that everything was fine after this morning was certainly edgy in the extreme. He knew he had the confidence and the balls to pull it off- though of course no longer literally. He just wished he didn't feel so self-conscious about his new physical appearance.

For a start, he couldn't get his still decidedly macho mind around the pair of breasts that he now had to carry around in front of him the whole time. Ordinarily speaking Cook liked boobs as much as the next red-blooded seventeen year old male. However he had only ever had to concern himself with enjoying their attractions when it suited him and then selfishly dispensing with them as soon as he had satisfied his sexual lust. He was gradually discovering that his relationship with a pair of boobs was significantly different now that he had to cart them around with him the whole time.

'These tits are really beginning to get on my tits,' he found himself thinking as he got nearer to the Fitch home. 'They're really distracting. You can never put them out of your mind; they're always fucking there, staring up at you, begging for attention!'

At the same time, however, Cook was equally desperate to see what Emily's breasts actually looked like, to satisfy his natural sexual curiosity. However even he knew that the middle of a relatively busy city street was hardly the ideal place to be inspecting a newly acquired pair of fun bags. There would be time enough for that later, surely, he reasoned. 'Best keep your mind on the job in hand, Cookie, my old son.'

He had now arrived at the Fitch family home and he walked confidently up to the front door, ready to face the music. But before he could even think of pressing the doorbell the door opened and a plainly emotional Mrs Fitch, with Katie visible behind her, flung herself through the doorway and threw her arms around Cook in an ostentatious show of relief at seeing her daughter apparently safe and sound after her terrible ordeal.

'Hey, it's okay, it's okay, I'm fine.' Cook sought to reassure Mrs Fitch that there was no need for her to go overboard with the hugging and crying which she had been unable to hold back as soon as she'd seen Cook on the doorstep. Not that Cook made any attempt to pull away from Emily's Mum as she hugged him tightly to her own hardly insubstantial bosom. He couldn't suppress a momentary thrill of sexual excitement as he felt Mrs Fitch's firm, fully developed body press up against his own. 'Perhaps I ought to let her get it out of her system, 'he very selflessly reasoned to himself. 'She's probably been worried sick; let the old girl smother me to death if it makes her feel better!'

Eventually Mrs Fitch released her vice-like grip on Cook and pulled back to look at her daughter closely, searching for any signs of injury.

'Are you alright, sweetheart? What did that bastard do to you? Did he hurt you?'

Katie had now joined the two of them and likewise threw her arms around Cook in sheer relief that her sister had returned in one piece. 'This is getting better and better,' thought Cook. The temptation to really milk their far from unwelcome attention by feigning some vague injury or pretending to break down in tears certainly passed through Cook's mind for more than a few seconds.

The sweet smell of Katie, the feeling of her warm breath on his neck, the firmness and pertness of her whole body pushed up against his would normally speaking have driven him wild with desire to have her right there on the spot. But he reminded himself that he had a part to play and promised himself that he was merely postponing the opportunity to take advantage of his situation rather than passing up the chance altogether.

'I'm absolutely fine, honestly. He didn't do anything to me. He's sound, it's not his fault, you mustn't blame him. It's all down to me, this morning.'

Both Mrs Fitch and Katie looked at Cook with expressions that were bordering on disbelief and they exchanged glances with one another that revealed their mutual confusion. They each sought an explanation for such an unexpected defence of the young man who had abducted Emily.

'What the hell are you talking about, Ems?' said Katie. 'OK, I know you were acting really weird when you woke up. I don't know what that was all about, but Cook just came in and grabbed you and took off with you! How can that be your fault?'

'Darling, how can you begin to defend what this boy did to you? Where is he? The police are already searching for him.' Mrs Fitch had clearly not wasted any time in getting Bristol's finest in on the act. Cook reacted with understandable dismay and alarm to the news that Emily had feared the most. He threw his arms up to his head, rolled his eyes and paced around on the spot, to the astonishment of Katie and Mrs Fitch.

'Shit! I don't fucking believe it! You've got the cops involved? Oh for fuck's sake call them off now!'

Mrs Fitch was shocked at the language her daughter had used which she had rarely heard from her before and ignored her request to call off the search for Cook.

'Emily! Where did you get that language from? What on earth has happened to you? That boy, what's his name, Cook, has obviously been a very bad influence on you.'

Even Katie was shocked to hear her sister come out with such choice language in front of her Mum. Sure, she and Emily had frequently rowed with each other when the air had turned a very dark shade of blue but they had both made a point of minding their language in front of their parents.

'Look, Mrs F……….Mum, you've got to get the police to call off the search. There's no need for it. I'm back now, I didn't get hurt and everything's fine. Cook didn't do anything that would need the police to be involved, he's alright, really. He's actually a good bloke'

Katie looked at Cook aghast at what she'd heard her sister come out with. This was news to her as she was quick to point out to her sister in no uncertain terms.

'What! Have you gone out of your tiny mind? You told me you couldn't stand him. You said he was a sexist, arrogant tosser with all the charm of a rutting rhino.'

Cook's mouth dropped open on hearing what Emily apparently thought of him. All thoughts of keeping up his act as Emily flew out of the window as his wounded pride took over and he couldn't resist flying to his own defence.

'When did I say that? You're just making that up. He's alright, actually. He's a pretty okay kind of guy. I think he's quite clever and he's got real personality, not like some other people I could mention.'

Katie's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she watched an outraged Emily stand there nodding her head emphatically to back up the ringing endorsement she'd just given of Cook.

Mrs Fitch had been listening to her two daughters intently and decided that there was nothing to be gained by them all having an argument in front of their own house in full view of the whole neighbourhood.

'Look, let's go inside, girls. We can't decide what's best to be done out here. Come on, the pair of you.'

Katie and Cook followed Mrs Fitch into the house, with Katie making a face at her sister behind their Mum's back and whispering out of their Mum's earshot 'Are you out of your fucking mind? You like Cook?!'

Cook persisted with his plea for the police search to be called off. He had to use all his powers of persuasion to convince Emily's Mum that Cook hadn't harmed her at all, that she wasn't really dragged away by him totally against her will and that he was only trying to help her pull herself out of the state she had been in recently. Mrs Fitch was dubious about complying with her daughter's heartfelt pleas for her to call the police.

'But darling, he just burst into the house and dragged you out of it without so much as a word of explanation or an apology! What was I supposed to do? I hadn't got a clue who he was! For all I knew he was some deranged psychopath trying to kidnap you and hurt you. Of course I had to call the police when we got back home.'

Cook couldn't help throwing his head back and laughing out loud at the description of himself as a deranged psychopath but immediately he could tell that this reaction had seriously upset Emily's Mum and sister.

'OK, OK, I suppose you had to do it coz you didn't know what was going on. But I'm fine, nobody got hurt or anything. We just had a chat and everything's sorted now. I'm back to normal now, right? I was just having a bad dream and I kind of freaked out. Please call off the police, I don't want them to arrest Cook, he didn't do anything to me.'

Mrs Fitch and Katie were still concerned about what they saw as Emily's extremely bizarre behaviour this morning. They were both massively relieved that she was back perfectly safe but they both couldn't help thinking that she seemed very different to the normal Emily they knew and loved.

'Are you absolutely sure, darling?' asked Mrs Fitch, putting her arm round Cook's shoulders.

'Absolutely. One hundred percent. Will you call the police right now and call off the search?'

Mrs Fitch reluctantly nodded and disappeared out of the room to make the necessary call. Cook couldn't suppress a smile as he inwardly celebrated his success at having accomplished his mission. He was feeling very pleased with himself, so much so that he inwardly relaxed and completely took his eye off the ball

'What the fuck is up with you, Ems? What's with all this shit you came out with about Cook? You think he's a dickhead, you made that pretty obvious yesterday!'

'Hey, chill out, Katiekins. You ought to give Cook a chance, you know. He's a pretty cool guy. There's a lot more to him than you think. Besides, I hear he quite fancies you, you know.' Cook smiled broadly at Katie whose mouth dropped open in amazement at the sound of her sister calling her Katiekins, not to mention that last horrendous comment about Cook fancying her.

There was something seriously funny going on with her sister, thought Katie, she seemed like a different person for some reason. Maybe she _was_ still off her face from last night, not that she remembered Emily going totally overboard on dope and pills, though of course that didn't mean she couldn't have done so. The two of them weren't exactly joined at the hip after all. Emily was always getting left behind in her slipstream and struggled to keep up with her in everything.

'Katiekins?! Where the fuck did you get that from? Christ, you're even beginning to sound like Cook now!! You'd better sort yourself out quick, Ems or else you'll be up shit creek without a paddle when Dad hears all about this.'

Cook thought about goading Katie some more just to amuse himself and help pass the time but decided against it. He would just wait until Mrs Fitch came back to confirm that the dogs had been called off before he would make up some excuse to go out again and join up with Emily in Freddie's shed. As fun as it had been playing Emily, he could really do with a spliff, a beer and a chilling out session in the shed with his mate Freddie.

Mrs Fitch came back into the living room and told Cook that she had spoken to the police and informed them that Emily was back safe and sound and that they didn't need to carry on looking for Cook – it had all been a bit of a misunderstanding and he hadn't really abducted her after all.

Cook heaved a sigh of relief and said, 'Thanks. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go out and meet someone.' He made as if to leave the room but Mrs Fitch stopped him in his tracks with an outstretched hand and a concerned look on her face again.

'Where are you going? Who are you meeting? Not that boy Cook, I hope. I want you to stay well away from him, Emily, do you hear?

'OK, keep your hair on! I've got to meet up with Freddie at his place actually.'

'Who's this Freddie? I've never heard of him either. Is he as bad as Cook?' She turned to Katie for advice and an answer she hoped she could trust and Katie gave her some comforting reassurance.

'Freddie's an okay guy, Mum. He's quite sweet actually. Not a bit like Cook at all. We're all in the same class together.'

Mrs Fitch visibly relaxed on hearing Katie's glowing endorsement of Freddie and Cook seized the moment to be off in a flash out of the living room and heading for the front door. He remembered at the very last second to pick up Emily's bag which she had told him was laying in the hall and he was legging it out of the front door, calling out goodbye to Mum and Katie and holding the bag in his right hand like he didn't quite know what to do with it.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Having succeeded in persuading Mrs Fitch to call off the hunt for Cook on 'Emily's safe return, Cook has headed off for Freddie's Emily has been hiding and waiting for him to rejoin her.

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Although Emily was taken aback to see JJ sitting in the shed with Freddie and Cook, she was more concerned however to hear the news from Cook. All three looked up at her when she opened the door and entered the shed. 'Hi, JJ.… Emily,' she just about brought herself to say as she moved over towards a vacant seat and sat down. She stared straight over at Cook and raised her eyebrows to indicate she wanted to know if he had been successful or not.

Cook picked up on Emily's sign and reassured her.' Yeah, sweet. Everything's OK.'

'What's OK?' asked Freddie, intrigued as he looked over at the redhead.

'Nothing,' replied Emily, before Cook had a chance to answer. 'Just something I asked Emily to sort out for me, that's all.'

Freddie and JJ exchanged puzzled glances. The scenario of Cook and Emily having some sort of secret between them seemed highly unlikely to the two boys but they let it go.

'So, are you alright after last night, Cook?' JJ looked at his mate with a wry grin. 'I still don't believe what you did to Johnny White. Do you really think he meant it when he said he'd kill you the next time he saw you?'

'What! What the fuck are you talking about?' Emily couldn't hide her horror at what JJ had just said and looked straight across at Cook, with fear plainly visible in her eyes.

'Don't you remember what happened in the strip club?' JJ' was surprised at his friend's reaction and particularly at how white in the face he had turned. Cook began to laugh uncontrollably in his chair and Emily couldn't help but turn an evil eye on him.

'What the fuck happened with Johnny White in the strip club, JJ? My mind has gone kind of a blank on that. Remind me.' Emily dreaded to find out what kind of shit Cook had now left her to deal with.

'Well, you found Johnny White tied up and half naked after his spanking session with the prostitute, so you took a photo of him to show to everyone and then you beat the shit out of him because he insulted your mother and you pulled a chain from around his neck and took it away. So he said the next time he saw you he'd kill you. I think that covers most of it.'

'Fuck! Fucking hell!' Emily stood up and was shouting almost at the top of her voice. The loud masculine sounds coming out of her mouth and the wild terror in her eyes shocked Freddie and JJ. They couldn't recall ever before having seen Cook look so seriously scared.

Cook was still chuckling quietly to himself in his seat and Emily completely lost it with him. For a brief moment she totally lost sight of the roles they were both trying to carry off as she turned on him with a vengeance, the bitterness shining through in her eyes and in her every word.

'It's no fucking joke, you know! What am I going to do? He's going to come after me and kill me, you stupid idiot!!'

'Hey, hang on, Cook! It's not Emily's fault. What's it got to do with her, for Christ's sake?' Freddie angrily stared at his mate. He didn't understand what was going on here. He could perfectly believe JJ's account of what had happened after he had left the pair of them and gone home the previous night. The whole story sounded just the sort of stupid, crazy thing that Cook would do if he was mega pissed and doped to the eyeballs.

It was his reaction right now that didn't make any sense; worse than that, it seemed completely unjustified and out of character. Whatever else Cook was, he was no coward and he always took responsibility for his own reckless behaviour. He never sought to blame anyone else – there had always been a considerable degree of dignity and integrity to Cook when it came to admitting to his own mistakes.

Emily realised what she had just said and swiftly sought to cover up her perfectly understandable but ill-considered remarks.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I know it's all my own fault, right?' Emily stared long and hard at Cook, forcing him to respond to her heavily loaded apology.

Cook nodded his agreement pensively, his previous jocular mood having given way to a more sober reflection following Emily's comments which he knew were directed fairly and squarely at him. He wasn't overly bothered about the threat issued by Johnny White – Cook was mad enough and arrogant enough to take something like that in his stride. But he could tell that Emily was genuinely frightened by the prospect of Bristol's very own psychopathic gangster looking to exact a very permanent revenge for the humiliation he had suffered at the hands of Cook.

He realised he owed it to Emily to protect her from any possible harm which might come her way. Quite how he was going to achieve that in the guise of Emily, he had no idea. He had suddenly become very conscious of his fragile, unthreatening female frame compared to the considerably physical and frequently intimidating presence he was accustomed to presenting as Cook. He desperately wanted his old body back – he felt so emasculated and weak trapped in Emily's body that it was like Samson being stripped of his strength when his hair was cut off.

Cook came to the conclusion that a few drinks were called for to get his old spark and confidence back so he stood up and said, 'Well. I don't know about you guys but I'm thirsty. A few bevvies are in order, I think. Pub?'

The other three looked at Emily in open-mouthed amazement. They had never known her to be the instigator of any drinking session before. Emily's heart sank as she despaired at Cook ever remembering the role he was supposed to be playing. 'The brainless tosser,' she thought to herself. 'He's got no fucking idea.' She knew she had no option but to go along with it, indeed to assume the role of group leader as Cook would have normally been.

Emily stood up also and said, 'My thoughts exactly. In fact I was just about to suggest it myself. Come on, guys.'

Freddie and JJ nodded enthusiastically and began to follow the other two out of the shed. Emily had to remind Cook not to forget her handbag which he had obviously thrown down on the floor when he entered the shed and he picked it up reluctantly. She motioned to him to put it around her shoulder as she would normally have done and he did so with even greater reluctance, scowling at her as he did so.

JJ whispered to Freddie as they brought up the rear, 'Cook's acting very strangely today, don't you think?'

'Yeah. So's Emily, as well. I mean, since when has she been the one to suggest going to the pub?'

'Yes. And did you see how Cook reacted towards her about Johnny White? What was all that about?'

'I don't know, JJ. There's something weird going on but I don't know what. We'll just have to wait and see.'

'You don't think he's genuinely worried about Johnny White coming after him, do you?' JJ's face showed real concern over the possible repercussions of Cook's outrageous behaviour the night before. He had seen at first hand what a vicious, sadistic bastard the Bristol gangster could be when someone had tried to get the better of him or make a fool of him. It didn't bear thinking about, thought JJ, what plans he might have in store for Cook.

'Maybe. I don't know, JJ. I'm sure Cook will deal with it. He's always led a charmed life, hasn't he? He's still got a few lives to use up, I expect.'

JJ smiled at Freddie in agreement and they carried on following Cook and Emily who were a few steps in front of them and seemingly deep in conversation although the two boys couldn't quite hear what was being said. Within ten minutes the four of them reached the pub and entered a fairly lively public bar, with 'Cook' leading the way as was his wont.

'Right, then, pints all round, guys, yeah?'

Not for the first time that day Freddie and JJ looked at one another in astonishment.

'Yeah. Whatever, Emily. Cheers,' replied Freddie, with a bemused smile to JJ who likewise thanked 'Emily' with raised eyebrows.

Emily closed her eyes in horror and sheer frustration at Cook's brainlessness. If this was the best he could manage at playing her, then she thought she would have to lock him up in a dark room somewhere and throw away the key. He was proving to be an absolute liability and she feared it would probably get even worse the longer his performance went on.

As if to prove her point right on cue, Cook proceeded to down in one go one of the pints of lager that the barmaid had just put down on the bar before handing out the other pints to Freddie, JJ and Emily. Freddie and JJ couldn't help laughing at the sight of Emily chucking the best part of a pint of lager down her throat in one go.

'Ahhh! That's better. I needed that.' Cook beamed a huge satisfied smile at the other three until he realised they were laughing at him. 'What's so funny, guys?'

'I've never seen you drink a pint as quickly as that before, Emily. It's ……impressive!' Emily selected and delivered her words very carefully as she fixed her withering gaze on Cook, who was standing at the bar with his second pint in his hand already. He looked first at her and then at the pint in his hand and slowly it dawned on him what she was getting at.

'Oh, well I was really thirsty, that's all. Sorry!'

The four of them stayed at the bar for a while, drinking and chatting away about all manner of stuff. Emily was feeling very uncomfortable and self-conscious drinking her lager. She was aware that she wasn't putting it away with anything like the speed that one would have normally associated with Cook. She was sure that Freddie and JJ were both staring at her as she slowly sipped at her lager. Eventually she decided she had to make an effort to drink it more quickly so as to allay their growing suspicions.

She cleared her throat, psyched herself up and poured the best part of half the contents of the glass into her mouth and down her throat. She managed it somehow without throwing up and smiled at the others as she banged the glass down on the bar. She even forced herself to give a large burp at the end of it which she felt was a nice touch, an authentic and convincing piece of James Cook. It seemed to have the desired effect as Freddie and JJ both smiled at her and even Cook cheered in admiration.

It was Freddie's turn to get the next round in and although she really didn't want another pint she knew she couldn't refuse or it would look really odd, unprecedented even. Cook turning down the offer of a pint was as likely as JJ pulling any one of the barmaids. She would just have to grin and bear it. She would just have to drink it as slowly as she could without causing any more suspicion.

Emily couldn't help pondering on how on earth the guys, and Cook in particular, could put away so much beer without feeling either really ill or incredibly full in the stomach. It was the quantity they drank that left Emily amazed. She could knock back vodka or wine without any trouble at all when she was in the mood but she couldn't believe how much beer the boys regularly consumed with scarcely any undue effects at all – or not until after having sunk a ridiculous number of pints at least.

'So where's Katie then, Emily?' JJ asked sweetly, attempting to start a conversation with the redhead. Although he was totally smitten with Effy, as indeed he knew full well were Cook and Freddie (which hardly surprised him but it was a huge disappointment) nonetheless JJ liked what he had seen of Emily so far. He thought he had detected a degree of shyness in her which reminded him of his own uncertainties and lack of self-confidence, particularly with girls. He remembered that Emily had admitted to never having had a boyfriend before and so to that extent, he thought, they were in the same boat, him never having had a girlfriend.

'I've no idea,' said Cook, after furtively looking at Emily for some sort of sign.

'Didn't you say she was going out with her boyfriend for the day?' Emily was attempting to help Cook fend off difficult questions but he seemed determined to go down his own route – the path which would in all probability lead to self destruction and maximum embarrassment for her personally.

'Oh. yeah. That's right, I remember now. Yeah, the filthy cow's getting a right good seeing to as we speak, I wouldn't mind betting. Naughty little girl!' Cook tried to give one of his infamous, chauvinistic, dirty laughs but it sounded so wrong coming out of Emily's mouth, especially as she was, in the eyes of the others, referring to her own twin sister.

Freddie gave a nervous laugh and made the inevitable comment. 'So, you two get on really well, obviously?' Cook's eyes flickered across to Emily who gave him one of those 'if looks could kill' expressions and he blurted out a quick retraction of his flippant remark.

'Well, she's having a good time with the boyfriend, anyway. We don't tend to hang about much together, you know. We lead pretty separate lives – we're quite different, really.'

'Bloody hell,' thought Emily, 'that was unusually perceptive of Cook. I wonder if he's just made that up or he's genuinely come to that conclusion himself.' She was increasingly finding this whole charade with Cook a hell of a strain on her shattered nerves and would gladly have left the boys to it and walked out of the pub.

But she knew that for Cook to be seen leaving the pub first so soon would simply be beyond the comprehension of Freddie and JJ. It was bound to lead to more searching questions about whether she/he was okay. Cook was equally sure to stick his size twelves in and seek to defend his reputation with his best mates which he would feel Emily was destroying right before his very eyes. Cook clearly couldn't stop being Cook just because he now looked and sounded like a girl. His thoughts, instincts and feelings were still the same and he would need a massive amount of coaching from Emily if he was ever to succeed in playing her well enough.

The conversation moved away from Katie and for the next few minutes it was mainly Freddie and JJ who spoke as both Emily and Cook fell rather silent. After a while Cook stood up and made his way towards the back of the pub, saying he needed a piss. Emily had begun to lose concentration as all those pints of lager she had been drinking started to take effect and make her feel drowsy. She wasn't taking any notice therefore as Cook headed towards the door for the gents, opened it and went inside. JJ on the other hand was as observant as ever and pointed out with a nervous laugh to his two best mates, 'Why has Emily gone into the gents' toilet?'

Freddie shook his head and said, 'Everyone's been acting very strangely today. I don't know what's going on any more.'

Emily couldn't pretend to be disinterested in the outcome of Cook's faux pas. Her eyes were as if magnetically drawn towards the door of the gents' toilet through which Cook had just disappeared. A minute or so later a guy came out of the toilet with a very puzzled expression on his face and rejoined his mates at their table. He was doubtless anxious to pass on the news of his strange encounter with a red headed girl in the gents loo. A minute or so later 'Emily' re-appeared through the door with a sheepish grin on her face as a host of cheers and a round of applause rang out from the middle of the bar.

'So how long have you been trying to pick up guys in gents toilets, Emily?' asked Freddie, with a quizzical raise of his eyebrows. 'Did you have any luck with the guy that came out before you?'

JJ gave one of his nervous, embarrassed laughs and Emily silently and, unseen by the other two boys, inconspicuously mouthed the word 'wanker' at Cook.

'I went into the wrong toilet, 'apologised Cook, who had read Emily's secretive remark and was now deliberately avoiding eye contact with her.

'Get away,' replied Freddie with a smile. 'Obviously you thought since you were there, you might as well stay there, then?'

'Well, I didn't see why I couldn't have a pee in there. Nobody seemed to be bothered.' Cook seemed far less concerned about the incident than the others were and this baffled Freddie and JJ who were beginning to wonder if they shouldn't be revising their initial impression of Emily as a rather quiet, shy, reserved sort of girl.

Emily decided that she had drunk as much beer as she could stomach and was in dire need of a pee herself but had no intention of emulating Cook by going into the gents. She wanted some time by herself and she was also keen to drag Cook away from Freddie and JJ before he screwed up any more.

She got up and said she had to go as she had 'things to do' and told them all she would see them all later. She hoped Cook had understood the 'phone' sign she made to him behind Freddie and JJ's backs as she took her leave. The boys didn't seem unduly surprised as they were used to Cook disappearing mysteriously without a word – they both assumed he was going to meet Effy which explained the rather pained expressions on their faces as they watched their mate go out of the pub.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily is horrified to find out that Johnny White has threatened to kill Cook when he next sees him. Cook continues to find it extremely difficult playing the part of Emily. Freddie and JJ are increasingly baffled by the strange behaviour of their two friends.

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Emily was sitting on Cook's bed in his student room and looking all around her, taking in all the contents of the room with as much distaste and gloom as she had done that same morning. It was a far cry from her own little bedroom back home, even if she did have to share it with her sister. Unsurprisingly this room was devoid of any of the feminine touches and accoutrements that she was used to enjoying in her own bedroom. Instead it had 'teenage boy' written all over it and given that this had to become of necessity her 'go to' base for the foreseeable future, it filled her heart with a heavy sense of depression.

You lucky bastard, Cook, she thought. At least you've got a really nice house to go back to every day, a Mum who will cook all your meals, wash all your clothes and generally look after you – within reason, anyway. You've got a Dad who will spoil you something rotten if you want him to – though she had to smile for a brief moment at the image of Cook having to deal with a doting father smothering Mr Macho Man with his overprotective affections. How the fuck would he cope with that, she wondered. Badly, she suspected, and she winced at the thought of his likely reaction.

Emily was finding it difficult coming to terms with being without all the usual paraphernalia that a teenage girl would normally carry around with her -her handbag, her make-up, her mirror, perfume and all the other essential items that a young girl takes for granted most of the time. All of these things would be seen as standard ammunition a teenage girl would want to have within easy reach to give her the confidence and security to be able to express her personality. Emily had to admit that none of these were needed in her role as James Cook and so they had been abandoned, left behind as a complete irrelevance for her new persona which she had been forced to take on.

She laid right back on the bed and closed her weary eyes, partly to block out the sight of her depressing surroundings but mainly because a feeling of enormous tiredness was starting to overwhelm her. She thought back to the brief but ultimately fruitless conversation she'd had with Cook on the mobile after she'd left the pub. She wanted to check with him if he'd had any bright ideas about how this whole surreal and incomprehensible situation could have happened, but sadly though very predictably he had none.

He had seemed far less bothered and freaked out by it than he had been at the start of the day and this worried Emily more than a touch. Surely he couldn't actually be enjoying being her now, could he? That rather beggared belief, but he sounded calm and controlled, indeed almost resigned to the fact that he was no longer Cook but Emily instead. Maybe he was just putting on a brave face, as boys so often did in difficult circumstances, bluffing things out in the irrational belief that everything would sort itself out somehow in the end. Not that rational and logical thought was one of his strengths, but it would have provided Emily with some crumb of comfort to have seen some evidence that Cook was taking the situation seriously and not just assuming that fate or whatever else he wanted to call it would come to their rescue and make things right again.

Emily was also painfully aware that her current confusion and disorientation wasn't exactly being helped by the thoughts of Naomi that had kept popping up in her mind throughout this extraordinary day. Her last memory of the blonde girl had not been a particularly happy one for her, she recalled with great sadness. Naomi had left the gate crashed party fairly early and the few exchanges the two girls had swapped outside had left Emily feeling disappointed and upset. Naomi's last words, 'Why does your sister think _I'm_ gay?' had left the redhead apologetic and defensive when she really wanted to be warm and affectionate towards the blonde girl.

She was desperate to see Naomi again to try to repair whatever damage might have been done to their 'relationship' – perhaps best just to call it an uneasy friendship for now, she sighed. But how was that going to be possible now that she could no longer talk to Naomi as Emily. Worse still, she could only speak to her as Cook and Emily was well aware that Cook had hardly endeared himself to her from the moment they first met each other. She suspected she would get an even colder, more distant reaction from Naomi now than she had ever had from her before. The more Emily considered her circumstances, the more remote a possibility it seemed that she would ever get close enough to the blonde to be able to even hint at, let alone confess outright, her growing feelings for the young girl.

Then, to make matters worse, there was of course the unimaginable horror of what Cook might say to Naomi in the guise of herself. Having no inkling, thank God, of how she really felt deep down inside about Naomi, he was bound to be a complete arsehole and make loads of pathetic, stupid jokes and comments about the incident that happened between them in junior school. She couldn't help cursing her sister right at that moment for having broadcast loud and long the details of her kiss with Naomi to all their new friends.

In her mind she could just see Cook asking Naomi in front of all the others whether the blonde had had second thoughts about getting it on with another girl and fancied another snog with her to see if it felt any better second time around. She would have to have a word with Cook the next day and try to ensure that he kept as far away from Naomi as possible until they had succeeded in regaining their old bodies again. But how could she persuade him to go along with that without making him suspicious that she really did have feelings for Naomi?! The whole thing with Cook and Naomi was a fucking disaster, an absolute fucking nightmare. In her increasingly sombre and forlorn mood, Emily couldn't see how it could possibly end up favourably for her from Naomi's point of view. She felt like she was caught in a no win situation, in more ways than one.

This hopelessly depressing thought was the last one to consciously pass through Emily's scrambled and exhausted mind before she fell into a deep sleep which her tired and aching body had been so urgently craving for quite some time.

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It had been over an hour since Cook had finished eating dinner with the rest of his newly acquired family and he was chilling out in the bedroom which he was now to be sharing for God alone knew how long with Katie. For the moment however he was alone in the room as Katie had made her excuses not long after dinner and left, muttering something about meeting up with her boyfriend Danny for a quick drink. At the mention of the word 'drink' Cook had immediately perked up and tried to wangle himself an invite but Katie had told him in no uncertain terms that her sister was not welcome to join them under any circumstances.

Cook was initially furious to be told his presence was not required when there was drinking taking place. However after having met Danny very briefly when he called to pick Katie up, he soon came to the conclusion that he seemed like a complete wanker of the first order and that he was probably better off at home than having to spend an evening with him. He would have enjoyed an evening with Katie on her own but he didn't fancy having to share her with some arsehole footballer who wasn't even good enough to be playing for the first team.

Dinner had been a strange affair, though not without its advantages, and Cook felt that on balance they just about outweighed the disadvantages. It certainly made a pleasant change having dinner cooked for him as opposed to having to fend for himself like he was used to. Mrs Fitch, his 'new' Mum was no mug in the kitchen, he could see that and Cook had wasted no time in wolfing down every scrap of food that was put in front of him or indeed that was within easy reach of him at the dinner table. He hadn't been aware at first of just how unladylike his table manners had come across until one or two comments from the family eventually made him stop and think.

'Emily! Do you have to eat so quickly and make such disgusting noises? What's got into you? You sound like a pig! Anyone would think you hadn't eaten for a week!'

Mrs Fitch expressed her considerable alarm forcibly enough while her husband just looked on with a wide-eyed grin on his face, chuckling at the sight of one of his precious little girls eating like one of the gorillas down at his fitness centre after a heavy workout session.

'Oink, oink,' sniggered Katie, taking the piss out of Emily, as she mimicked the sounds and images of a pig snuffling for food in its trough.

'Fuck off!' replied Cook to Katie. 'Who do you think you are? Lady Penelope?'

Mrs Fitch's mouth opened wide in shock at hearing such language from Emily, not for the first time that day and especially so at the dinner table. She shot a conspiratorial glance at her husband which left him in no doubt that he was expected to exercise his fatherly duties and issue an instant and suitable reprimand to his daughter for the use of such inappropriate language.

'Hey! That's not suitable language for use at the dinner table, young lady!' he said, doing his best to appear stern and authoritative, but not quite managing to conceal the hint of a smile from the corners of his mouth and the suggestion of a twinkle of laughter in his eyes. 'There's no need for that. Apologise to your mother right now, Emsy.'

Cook was not in the habit of apologising, least of all for swearing at his friends and acquaintances but he forced himself to swallow his pride and he muttered a hardly fulsome but nonetheless recognisable word of apology.' Emsy?' He shuddered inside at being called such a nickname. 'Fuck me;' he promised himself, 'I'm not going to stand for that bollocks for long!'

Cook managed to get through the rest of the meal relatively unscathed, predominantly by saying very little, which he judged to be the best tactic in the circumstances. No-one seemed to be too bothered that he was fairly quiet, but there again he noticed that Mr Fitch seemed to enjoy doing most of the talking so he just let him take charge of all the conversations. Cook contented himself with nodding, grinning or grunting whenever it seemed most appropriate to do so. He made some excuse about doing some work and retired to the bedroom where he could enjoy some much needed peace and quiet to contemplate his next moves.

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He was fast coming to the conclusion that there were a hell of a lot more positives to take from his situation than he had initially considered. Emily was clearly in a far worse position than he was, having to slum it in his very basic and uninspiring student accommodation while he was living it up in relative comfort and luxury in the Fitch household. He also was going to be sharing a room with Katie and he was already anticipating with growing excitement the opportunity to see her naked or at least half naked at very close quarters. A huge smile spread across his face as he contemplated that very attractive prospect to come, hopefully, he reckoned, later on that evening. He told himself not to fall asleep before she came back home – he would be gutted to miss out on the first chance to get a good look at her cracking body which he was sure he would not have been afforded otherwise.

They were all back at college the next day and for Cook that meant the first chance to see Effy again since his transformation into Emily. He wondered how he was going to play it with Effy – after all, he could hardly now tell her to meet up with him for a quick shag, could he? Or could he, he wondered? Maybe Effy might be into girls as well as guys! Why not, she was a very naughty little girl, after all, he remembered. It might be worth a try. Plus, there was also Naomi to bear in mind. After all didn't she and Emily snog at junior school, if Katie was to be believed? Maybe she is really into girls after all and is only pretending she isn't to cover it up! Oh yes, Cook my old son Things could get very interesting next week. He who dares, wins, after all!

As his thoughts turned to Katie, Effy and Naomi, and he began to imagine all kinds of sexual possibilities opening up for him, Cook absent-mindedly started caressing his hands all over his chest and he soon became conscious of an unfamiliar tingling sensation between his legs which came as quite a shock to him at first. He lifted up his top and stared down at the pair of breasts that were now exposed beneath his bra.

His curiosity, which he had managed to put to one side earlier in the day, now got the better of him since he was in a private place this time and he couldn't help put his hands inside the bra and gently lift out his breasts to have a closer look at them. He was intrigued to experience a tingling feeling of pleasure as he passed his fingers across them and began to pull at the nipples to see how hard they would get and how quickly.

He started laughing out loud as a wicked thought crossed his mind and he attempted to push both boobs up to his face to see if he could reach them with his mouth. 'Bollocks!' he said as he discovered with feelings of intense disappointment and frustration that Emily's boobs weren't anywhere near big enough for him to reach them, even when he extended his tongue as far as it could possibly go. Reluctantly admitting defeat, Cook reverted to playing with his boobs with his hands and fingers, imagining that it was himself doing this to Emily. This fantasy kept him amused for a good few minutes when all of a sudden Katie burst into the room and pulled up short when she realised she had caught her sister in the act of blatant sexual self gratification.

'Jesus Christ! For fuck's sake, Ems. Why couldn't you lock the door if you're going to be playing with yourself? I really don't need to be walk in on that, you know!'

Cook immediately burst out into hysterics as an obviously embarrassed Katie turned on her heels and walked out of the room. 'Hey, Katie, come back. What's the matter? It's nothing you haven't seen before!' Cook popped his boobs back under the top he was wearing, got up off the bed and proceeded to get undressed, thinking that his 'sister' would soon be coming back to likewise start getting ready for bed. This was the moment he had been waiting for, he said to himself. Eyes down for a full house!

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Katie came back into the room and, without even looking at her sister, turned her back on 'her' and started getting undressed. Cook's eyes were glued to her body as they admiringly ran up and down the length of it from head to toe, as Katie systematically took off her shoes, skirt, top and bra, eventually standing only in her knickers. She turned around to reach for a fresh T-shirt to put on and became aware to her horror that her sister seemed to be staring at her like some drooling, demented, pervy little weirdo – in fact just like their little brother James was in the habit of doing whenever he caught them by surprise half naked.

She frantically grabbed the T-shirt and covered her bare upper body, whilst letting out a scream of disgust and a torrent of abuse at her revolting sister who, as far as she was concerned, was plainly ogling her from the safety of her bed.

'Fucking hell! What are you looking at me like that for, you horrible perv? Jesus, you're as bad as James. In fact you're worse, you're just sick. At least James is just being a normal boy. You're disgusting.'

Cook couldn't help laughing even as Katie threw at his head both the shoes she had taken off just a short moment ago and carelessly chucked on to the floor. She ran out of the room and Cook could hear her going into the bathroom and locking the door behind her. He smiled in lecherous appreciation at the stunning figure that had just ran out on him and at the vivid memory of the rest of her gorgeous body that she had been far too late in concealing from his all too admiring and ravenous eyes..

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	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily and Cook have spent contrasting first evenings in their respective new homes. Emily is all alone and depressed whilst Cook has taken advantage of sharing a bedroom with Katie to 'check her out'.

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As hordes of students were slowly making their way over towards the college building on a pleasant, late Autumn, Monday morning, Naomi was sitting on a wall a little to one side of the main entrance, smoking a cigarette. Emily noticed her straight away as she approached the college and was now furiously debating in her head whether or not she dared go over and speak to her.

Part of her was desperate to approach the blonde girl because she just loved being with her and talking to her, despite the abrupt way Naomi had left her at the party a couple of nights ago. However she couldn't ignore the fact that Naomi hadn't exactly hit it off with Cook since the start of term and she was afraid that Naomi wouldn't particularly welcome her attentions now that she had been forced to take on his identity. She weighed up these contrasting arguments in her mind for a short while before deciding to take the plunge and dive in the deep end. Sometimes you have to allow your heart to rule your head, she told herself.

'Hi, Naomi,' she called out to the blonde who looked up and immediately scowled at the sight of Cook approaching her. She continued puffing on her cigarette as Emily came and sat down next to her.

'What do you want, Cook?' Emily's worst fears were realised as Naomi made it perfectly clear from the tone of her voice that he was the last person she wanted to have sitting down in such close proximity to her.

'Nothing. I just wanted to know how you were, that's all.'

Naomi arched her eyebrows in mild surprise to hear Cook actually asking after someone's general health and wellbeing for a change. Normally his first remark would be an insult or a piss-take at the other person's expense. This was definitely a first, she thought, and because of that she was highly suspicious and defensive with her response.

'Bloody hell! What do you care how I am? You haven't before.'

Emily was well aware that she had already started acting out of character for Cook by showing concern for someone but she just couldn't bring herself to talk and act like he would have done. Not with Naomi, at any rate. She just couldn't force herself to make the kind of cutting, chauvinistic, sexist comments that were Cook's trademark towards the one person whom she truly liked. Such remarks would have felt ugly and dishonest coming out of her mouth, even if they would have sounded just like the real James Cook.

'I know. I'm sorry. We haven't got off to the best of starts, have we? I'd like to change that…. if you'll let me?' Emily was worried that she was coming across a bit too weak and feeble for Cook but the sentiments she expressed were exactly how she felt about Naomi as Emily, and not just as the 'new' Cook and Emily wanted to be as honest as possible.

Naomi was shocked to hear such words of apology coming from Cook and, more to the point, delivered with what to her had the appearance of genuine sincerity and authenticity. She felt somewhat disorientated and taken aback for a brief moment and so she cleared her throat and took a final puff on her cigarette to buy herself a little extra time before replying.

'OK. I'm…..fine, I suppose.' She wanted to see if Cook would keep up this new approach so she was still a bit on her guard and declined to be any more expansive than that simple response to his initial question.

'It was a real shame you left the party so early. It got ….quite interesting later on. Why did you go?'

Emily's heart started pounding so loudly in anticipation of the reply that she was terrified Naomi would be able to hear it. She tried to ask the question with an air of complete casualness but she was unsure if she had succeeded. She was bursting to know the reason why Naomi had walked out on her that night. Yes, she knew the blonde had walked out on _all_ of them at the party, but to Emily it felt like Naomi's sudden departure had been directed at her personally.

'I was bored, if you must know. Plus, you were beginning to act like a complete dick. I could see things might start kicking off with that gangster guy so I decided I didn't need to be around for that. '

Emily's heart lifted with barely concealed joy at Naomi's answer. No mention of _her_ being the real reason for her abrupt departure. But no sooner had she been given that small ray of hope and optimism than it was immediately shot down in flames by Naomi's next few words.

'Besides, Emily was beginning to creep me out a bit?' Naomi gazed off in to the distance as she dropped this bombshell, as if she couldn't quite bring herself to look Cook directly in the eyes whilst making this revealing confession.

Emily's heart sunk, indeed plummeted to the bottom of her shoes like an object being thrown from the twentieth floor of a high rise building. It was all she could do not to let out a cry of anguish and despair. She fought 'manfully' to regain her composure before steeling herself to ask the obvious question. 'How?'

'She's just weird. I can't quite explain it, but she makes me feel a bit, I don't know, uncomfortable, I guess, to be around her.' Naomi turned her head to look at Cook this time and was puzzled to see what looked like sadness and sorrow etched all over his face.

'Oh. I thought you liked her. She seems to like you. I thought you two would get on well.' Emily hadn't meant to blurt out her true feelings about Naomi like that but the words just came out almost involuntarily, as if beyond her control. She felt so upset and low after what Naomi had said that all she really wanted was to find a quiet corner to curl up in and cry but she forced herself to stay there and carry on talking.

'I don't dislike her. It's just that she seems a bit…..I don't know, too _desperate_ for a friend and she seems to have picked on me, for some reason. I think her sister might make her feel inadequate, or something. She seems a right bossy little madam, really full of herself. Maybe that doesn't help Emily to make her own friends easily.'

Emily's mood suddenly improved as she recognised that Naomi had somewhat qualified her initial harsh judgement. Naomi had offered some much kinder and more sympathetic comments which made her feel instantly better about herself. Emily was impressed at how accurately Naomi had summed up Katie and the effect her twin had always had on her.

'I think she seems quite nice, you know. Maybe she's just a bit shy and lacking in self-confidence.'

'Not like you then, Cook. Not really something you could ever be accused of, is it?'

Naomi reprised her expression of mild contempt and scorn as she boldly challenged the boy over what she saw as his excessively arrogant and overbearing personality. Nonetheless she had to admit that he was coming across right there and then as a slightly more pleasant, appreciably less disgusting guy than the one she had encountered at close quarters in the first few weeks of term. She couldn't work out why there should have been such a noticeable change unless it was a cynical and deliberate plan on his part to pretend to be a decent guy just so as to get into her knickers. Well, if that was his plan, then he had made a huge mistake if he reckoned that she would be that naïve and easy to play! She still thought he was a dickhead, only possibly not _quite_ as big a dickhead as he seemed to be previously.

Emily didn't know what to say to Naomi's comment about Cook so she just gave a smile and a nervous laugh. She fell silent and watched the rest of the college students making their way over to the entrance to the building. She felt she had probably made as much progress as she was likely to with Naomi this morning so she jumped down from the wall and said 'Come on, let's go in or we'll be late for class.'

Naomi nodded and followed suit, again noting a totally out of character concern on the part of Cook on the issue of timekeeping. Maybe he was still out of it from the stuff he'd taken at the party, she wondered. Mind you, he'd have had to have taken a right shitload for it to be affecting him still this much, surely? She shook her head in mild amusement and followed hard on the heels of the enigmatic Cook who was already beating a measured path towards the college entrance.

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Cook was leaning nonchalantly against a wall in the corridor, waiting for Effy to emerge from the classroom at the end of the morning's lessons. This was going to be his first chance to speak to her since the extraordinary events of the weekend and he was intrigued to see how things might pan out with her. He knew Emily hadn't yet been bestowed the honour of being one her close friends but even so he thought he could still persuade the cool and enigmatic brunette to hang out with him for a while. He thought he would give it a try anyway - Cook was always up for a challenge, no matter what the odds were like. In fact having already nailed her on the very first day of term, it appealed to his sense of humour and inflated male pride to attempt to score with her a second time from a very different perspective!

He watched the classroom door open and waited for Effy to appear with the other students. He soon spotted her, apparently listening to Katie who was talking to her in very animated fashion. However the look of utter boredom on Effy's face suggested that she wasn't really paying much attention to Katie and certainly wasn't being entertained by her non-stop wittering.

'Whoa! Effy! 'Cook called over to her and smiled at the hint of surprise that was just about detectable on the girl's outwardly expressionless face.

'Emily. Hi!' said Effy in a mildly interested tone as she and Katie made their way slowly over to Cook. He couldn't help but clock the firmly closed mouth and blazing eyes that Katie instantly turned on him when she saw him.

'How's things? I haven't seen you since the night of the party. Did you enjoy it? '

Effy looked at Katie who pulled a face to indicate she had no idea what her sister might be getting at and said she had to go off somewhere, happy to leave Effy alone with her pervy, sick, twisted sister.

'Yeah. It was… interesting,' said Effy in her habitually understated way.

'Cook was pretty outrageous, wasn't he? He's quite an amazing guy, don't you think?' He couldn't help himself fishing for compliments, trying to find out what Effy thought about him but he might have guessed she'd be too smart to let anyone else in on what she really felt.

'He's OK, I suppose. He's amusing ….occasionally.' Cook suspected that summary probably amounted to unusually high praise from the cool, emotionally detached and controlled brunette.

'Do you fancy going for a drink and something to eat?' Cook had come to the conclusion that he had to compromise a certain amount in the way he was going to behave towards Effy if he wanted to entertain any hopes of getting it on with her. He knew that Effy would find it extremely odd if Emily started acting like Cook and would in all probability turn him down. He had to attempt to be more like Emily even though that would be a tough one to pull off – Cook wasn't exactly renowned for doing 'sweet, shy and reserved.'

Effy looked at the redhead with a half smile hovering over her lips. She had been fascinated by Emily since she witnessed her arrival at college, tagging along behind in her sister's shadow, very much the put upon doormat to Katie's dominatrix role. She thought she was really sweet and yet terribly shy and lacking in confidence but these apparent character drawbacks intrigued her and increased her interest in Emily all the more. She wanted to find out if there burned deep down within the meek young girl a passion for rebellion and resistance to the dominance exercised by her twin sister.

'Sure,' she replied, curious to find out what had prompted such an unexpected show of forwardness on Emily's part.

'Great,' said Cook. 'Let's go then.' They made their way out of the college building in complete silence but as soon as they were outside Effy started to probe 'Emily' about her motives for wanting to hang out with her.

'So what is it you wanted to speak to me about, Emily?'

'Nothing. I mean, I just wanted to….get to know you, I suppose.' Cook gave a cheeky grin to Effy who looked back at the redhead with a concentrated stare and a thoughtful expression.

'There do seem to be an awful lot of people round here who want to get to know me. I wonder why that is.' Effy wondered if Emily had been talking to Freddie about her – surely her using that very same expression couldn't be just a coincidence?

'Well, you've obviously got a lot of admirers. You seem to be very popular with everyone already**. I** really like you. I think you're great, honestly.' Cook thought that this excessively gushing piece of flattery was bound to provoke some sort of reaction from Effy.

'I can't help it if people are drawn to me. I don't go out of my way to encourage them. It just seems to happen.' Effy wasn't sure if Emily was actually trying to flirt with her or was just trying desperately hard to become her friend. Either way, she was amused and intrigued to explore some of the hitherto unspoken issues concerning the redhead..

'So tell me, what's all this about you and Naomi in junior school? Is it true what Katie said about Naomi hitting on you?'

Cook thought he could now see a possible way in to Effy and decided he had to take a chance and just go for it. 'What would you think if I said it was true? Would it put you off being friends with Naomi……or me, even?'

'No. Why should it? It's the person that counts, not their sexuality. So, what did happen then? Who kissed who?'

'_She_ kissed me. Well, sort of, anyway. It was all over pretty quickly.'

Effy nodded and smiled a warm gentle smile at 'Emily' to show her that she understood. 'Did you like it?' Has it happened again since then?'

Cook was getting increasingly turned on by the direction this conversation seemed to be taking. He wondered if Effy's question about whether Emily liked kissing Naomi was a very subtle hint that Effy herself wouldn't be against the idea of snogging either of the two girls. She _was_ smiling when she asked him the question, he had noticed. Could she be testing the water with him to see what sort of response he came out with?

'It was okay, actually. I mean, it wasn't something I'd thought about much before but after it happened I suppose I kind of ……liked it.' He paused for a few seconds before launching into the leading question he had been building up to since the start of their conversation. 'How about you, Effy? Have you ever thought about kissing another girl? '

Effy raised her eyebrows the tiniest amount to indicate the question had registered with her but otherwise her face betrayed no other discernible emotion or reaction to such a bold and personal question.

'Maybe. Would you like me to have thought about it, Emily? Is kissing me something that _you've_ been thinking about recently?' She stopped dead in her tracks and turned slowly round towards Cook, deliberately bringing her face right up close to his so that their noses were almost touching.

Cook could sense the excitement rising within him, could feel the same tingling sensation down in his groin that he had experienced the previous day with Katie. Effy's s hot breath and the sweet scent of her perfume filled his nostrils and made him quiver with anticipation as her big eyes bore right into his own with heavy intent and loaded implication. He made the smallest of forward movements with his face to bring his lips up to Effy's. His hands were already on the point of reaching out to grab hold of Effy's waist and pull her into his side when they heard the sound of Effy's name being shouted out at full volume.

They both turned their heads round in a sudden, jerky motion to see Pandora running towards them and waving excitedly in a typically demented and frenetic manner. She was alongside the two of them in seconds, grinning from ear to ear and talking nineteen to the dozen.

'Hi, Ef! Hi, Emily! Where've you been, Ef? I've been looking all over the place for you? I've had another crap morning in Hair and Beauty, I've just got to change subjects pdq or I'm seriously going to have to kill myself. I can't face being stuck with the teeth and hair brigade a minute longer. You've gotta help me, guys, please!'

Even though Panda's timing was as impeccable as ever she didn't seem to have really taken in the scene that she had just interrupted. Her wide-eyed innocence and the deadly serious expression she was pulling about her own personal crisis made Effy burst out laughing. Cook also couldn't hide a genuine smile at Panda's daffiness although he was inwardly cursing her for having turned up with such frustrating precision at exactly the wrong moment as far as he was concerned.

'Come on, Panda. Emily and I were on our way to get some lunch. Come and join us and we can work out what you're going to have to do.'

'Wizard! I am _so_ hungry I could eat twenty doughnuts and still have room for a triple strawberry milkshake!' Panda linked arms with Effy and the 'three' girls walked off down the road as Panda continued with her latest lament about the Hair and Beauty set.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily and Cook have met up with Naomi and Effy for the first time since their identity swap and have experienced contrasting degrees of success in trying to improve their respective relationships with the two girls.

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Emily was waiting outside the club with Freddie and JJ for the others to join them as they had pre-arranged. She was desperately hoping Naomi was going to come along as she wanted to try to progress their relationship from the cautiously optimistic start she had made since her horrific transformation. She felt that Naomi had seemed to warm a little to this new and rather different Cook compared to the one she had been used to and loathed before.

It was vital she built on that, she thought, and tried to establish some sort of friendship with the tall blonde girl that might lead to something more permanent – though what, she had no idea. She couldn't help wondering if it was futile trying to think too much about the future, given her and Cook's current extraordinary situation. Neither of them had a clue how long they would stay as they were. Emily had hoped every morning since that fateful day that she would wake up to find herself back in her own body once again but each morning so far had just brought fresh disappointment and a deeper sense of despair.

She was miles away and engrossed in this train of thought when all of a sudden she was snapped out of it by the realisation that JJ was talking to her.

'Sorry, JJ. What were you saying?' she asked instinctively before inwardly cursing at her crass stupidity. Cook would _never_ apologise to anyone like that. Jesus! When was she _ever_ going to play him right? Freddie and JJ must be thinking Cook sounds like a right wimp nowadays.

'Um….it's OK, Cook.' replied a slightly surprised JJ. 'I was just wondering if you knew whether Effy was definitely going to come along tonight.'

'I think so. She said she was going to…… Why wouldn't she be, if she knows I'm going to be here?' said Emily as an afterthought. Yes, that sounded like the sort of arrogant bullshit Cook would have come out with, she reckoned.

'Why are you so keen for her to come tonight, Jay?' Freddie turned a quizzical face towards his friend. 'You don't still think she fancies you, do you? PLEASE don't tell me you do! You've got no chance, seriously.'

'I know I can't compete with you guys in terms of looks, but I'd like to think that Effy might be more interested in an intelligent mind and a sensitive personality.'

'I wouldn't bank on it, JJ' said Emily with a rueful smile. 'I think she likes her men pretty fit and rugged – like me, obviously.' She thought she would try out a typical Cook smug expression and was gratified to see the reaction of the two boys to it. JJ laughed nervously but looked sad and put out as he did so and Freddie just shook his head and looked at her thoughtfully, as if he knew she was probably right but didn't want to admit it out loud.

Within a minute or two the much sought after Effy appeared with Panda in tow as usual and a new guy who the other three hadn't seen before but who was introduced to them as Thomas. Apparently he had recently befriended Effy and particularly Pandora who had obviously taken a real shine to him as was evident from the huge smile on her face and the big wide eyes with which she kept looking at him. Pandora introduced Thomas to everyone and he very politely greeted them all individually with a handshake and a huge smile. Emily thought he seemed really nice and couldn't help comparing him to Cook whose first introduction to her had been very different.

A few minutes later all the others arrived. 'Emily' and Katie arrived together and were followed hard on their heels by Naomi. Emily was really pleased to see that Naomi had decided to come along as she had been worried that she wouldn't after the last time they were all out together as a group. She gave her what she hoped wasn't too creepy a smile and was relieved to see that it was acknowledged by the blonde and returned, though not with quite the same degree of warmth.

'Come on, guys' said Cook. 'It's PARTY TIME!!'

The others watched with amusement and not a little astonishment as Emily led the way into the club with obvious gusto and an unmistakeable sense of purpose. Katie shook her head in exasperation and explained to the rest of them 'Fucking hell, what's got into her? She's been like this all day.'

'She does seem pretty hyper. Has she taken some pills or something?' asked JJ, concerned.

'God knows. I suppose I'm going to have to keep an eye on her tonight and make sure she doesn't make an arse of herself.' Katie led the way after 'Emily' and the others followed behind her, laughing and joking amongst themselves, except for Cook who Naomi thought seemed strangely subdued.

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Emily had been standing with Naomi and chatting away to her for the last ten minutes, both swigging heavily from a bottle to cool themselves down and quench their raging thirst after their exertions on the dance floor. Emily couldn't really claim she had been dancing _with_ Naomi, not exclusively anyway, as she had been with the rest of the crowd who were all dancing together, sort of. But in her mind it was a start and that was what mattered to the redhead. When she had suggested to Naomi that they take a breather Naomi had raised an eyebrow but agreed to join her to one side of the floor.

Since then they had been pleasantly talking on their own and the atmosphere between the two of them had seemed quite friendly and good-natured, so Emily thought. Certainly there weren't any visible signs on Naomi's part that she was with Emily under protest or duress. The conversation between them had been easy and natural even if it couldn't be said to have been remotely flirtatious, at least not from Emily. She knew she had to tread very carefully with Naomi, One step at a time, she told herself. Just go easy with her and wait to see what develops. At least she's not ignoring me or telling me what an arsehole she thinks I am. That's something.

They were laughing at Pandora and Thomas dancing together, or rather at Pandora dancing in her own unique style and Thomas desperately trying to follow what she was doing. Suddenly Naomi leaned forward slightly and shouted in Emily's ear.

'What exactly is going on with you and Effy, Cook? Have you two got together already?'

'No! What makes you think there's anything between us?' Emily was caught a bit off guard by Naomi's question which had come out of the blue without any warning and she was immediately worried she might have sounded too defensive in her reaction.

'Well, she's been looking over at you on and off for the last five minutes. Haven't you noticed?' Naomi indicated with her head over to the rest of the gang who were still dancing in a loose sort of group formation. Emily followed her gaze and saw Effy who was dancing with Freddie, JJ, Katie and Cook. The tall, slim brunette stared back at Emily with an enigmatic, mysterious look on her face which gave no hint of what she might have been thinking.

'I don't know what on earth's that's about, Naomi, honestly' said Emily, hoping that it sounded more convincing to the blonde than it did to her. 'There's nothing between her and me, I promise you.'

Naomi was becoming more and more puzzled by the Cook she had been hanging around with on and off in the last couple of days. He seemed a totally different person to the brash, arrogant, sexist twat they had all been introduce to at the start of term. He was almost pleasant to talk to now, he had cut out all of the bullshit comments he used to come out with on a daily basis and she was finding she could actually bear to spend time with him now, something she had never thought she would be able to say before.

Naomi's observation about Effy had made Emily feel rather nervous and confused and she hadn't been able to stop looking over at the brunette ever since. While she and Naomi continued to drink and watch the others dancing, she saw Cook make a deliberate move over towards Effy and start talking to her. This necessitated him having to bring his mouth right up to her ear for her to be able to hear what he was saying above the noise of the music. Emily watched Effy listen to Cook intently and saw her nod once or twice and turn a strange look on Cook who was grinning broadly at her, as if he was waiting for an answer from her.

Emily then noticed Effy stop dancing and make a move through the densely packed crowd of people dancing, presumably heading towards the ladies toilets, with Cook following right behind her. Naomi drained her drink, put it down on a nearby counter and said to Cook, 'I'm bursting for a pee. I'll be back in a minute. Then we'll hit the floor again, yeah?'

As intrigued as she was by Effy and Cook disappearing so suddenly Emily didn't want to turn down the chance of dancing with Naomi so she smiled and nodded eagerly. Even if it wasn't going to be the slow, intimate one she really wanted, she wasn't going to turn down the chance of throwing herself around on the floor with Naomi. She didn't know when she would get asked by her again. She watched Naomi move away and turned her head back towards the others.

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Naomi approached the ladies loo, pushed the door open and went inside with a degree of urgency as she was desperate for a pee. As she made her way inside and went towards the second door which led into the main part of the toilet, she was aware of some strange noises which grew louder as she pushed open the second door. She went inside and was immediately confronted by the sight of Effy and Emily over by the wash basins engrossed in what Naomi would have tactfully and delicately described as some serious snogging and fumbling, accompanied by heavy breathing and panting noises. Their hands were running all over each other's bodies and Naomi had plainly walked in at just the moment when Emily was attempting to rip Effy's top off.

The blonde came to an abrupt halt, her mouth shot open to show a gap almost big enough to drive a truck through and for a few seconds she was speechless with shock.

Then once she had regained the power of speech, Naomi couldn't help her reaction as both Effy and 'Emily' looked round to see who had disturbed them.

'Fuck! Jesus Christ! 'She shouted out, quite understandably, in all fairness. Then, as though embarrassed by her clearly unwelcome presence there as well as by what she had seen, she stammered, 'I'm….I'm… sorry. 'I'm going……now!' and she did a sharp U-turn and almost ran out of the toilet. She had suddenly lost all desire to have a pee. Shaking inwardly like a leaf, Naomi made her way back towards Emily and as she got closer Emily could clearly see she seemed shocked about something.

'What's up, Naomi?' Emily asked her. 'You look like you've seen a ghost.'

'Oh my God! You'll never believe what I've just seen, Cook.' Naomi still was visibly shaken and even in the bright lights of the club Emily thought she looked paler than she normally did.

'What?' asked Emily, intrigued and puzzled.

'Guess who I've just walked in on making out in the ladies!?' Naomi stared at Cook as if challenging 'him' to have a wild stab in the dark.

'I don't know. Who?'

'Only Emily and Effy, that's who.'

Emily's jaw dropped and it felt to her like it had touched the floor, Naomi was surprised to see Cook seemed even more shocked than she herself felt and she was confused by his unexpected reaction. She imagined that Cook would come out with the typical young heterosexual male remarks and would start smiling, laughing and rubbing his hands with glee. Indeed she half expected him to ask her for full details of what she had seen and might even make his way straight over to the toilet in the hope of catching them at it himself.

'Please tell me you're joking, Naomi. You are fucking joking, aren't you? '

Cook appeared genuinely disturbed by this news and Naomi was at a loss to explain the reason for such an odd response. She looked closer at Cook and for a second or two she had the suspicion that he was shaking – with what she wasn't quite sure. Rage? Fear? But why should he feel like that? What could possibly have caused such an extreme emotion if that was what it was? She was baffled and became even more so by Cook's next actions.

He broke away from her without another word and started to walk with determined tread towards the ladies toilets. He hadn't even got halfway when the toilet door swung open and out came Emily, but minus Effy who 'she' had clearly left still in there. Naomi watched with disbelieving eyes as Cook went straight towards Emily who had seen him coming and had stopped dead as if expecting to be met with a few choice words from Cook.

Naomi continued to observe as Cook reached Emily and started shouting at the redhead, pushing her quite vigorously, with sufficient force at any rate for her to stagger back several paces as Cook really appeared to lose his rag with her. Emily tried to placate her furious friend but to no avail. Cook was seething and wasn't holding back one iota. He didn't actually hit Emily but from where Naomi was watching he seemed to come pretty close to doing so.

Naomi realised she couldn't simply carry on watching and so she urgently ran over towards the pair of them to break them up. Obviously some of the others had noticed Naomi's startled expression and guessed that something was going on and started to make their way over to join her. When Naomi got to Cook and Emily, she saw that Cook was really quite distressed and Emily was apologising profusely to him. The others arrived en masse and all asked what was going on.

Cook, who Naomi had dragged away from Emily and told in no uncertain terms to calm down, looked at the gang and silently shook his head. He offered no explanation for his strange behaviour and stormed away from the group. One or two of them made as if to go after him but Freddie said. 'Leave him, guys. Just leave him to cool off. He'll be okay in a while. He just needs to get over it, whatever it was.'

'What the hell was that all about, Em?' said a concerned and bemused Katie. Why were you two fighting?'

'Nothing,' said Cook, but he couldn't keep a hint of guilt and regret out of his voice. 'Let's just carry on, shall we. It'll be sorted out later. Come on, guys. Let's get some more booze, shall we?'

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Emily was sitting by the side of the road outside the club, feeling angry with Cook and even sorrier for herself. She knew she shouldn't have reacted the way she had just done but at that precise moment when Naomi told her what she had seen in the ladies she had just momentarily lost her rag. Cook had just embarrassed her through his own selfishness and unquenchable lust for all women, no matter what situation he was in. Now not only would Effy and Naomi know that she was a lesbian but would think she fancied Effy into the bargain! Even if she and Cook were ever able to swap their identities back to normal again, how could she ever hope to become Naomi's friend, never mind something much closer still? Any possible future relationship with Naomi was totally fucked, she thought, before it had barely got off the ground. Frustration and disillusionment rose up inside her and she couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. She let them run down her cheeks and she couldn't be bothered to try to stop them. She suddenly felt terribly alone in the world again,

Then from nowhere a voice made her look up and the sight she saw in front of her made her catch her breath and tremble and shake with genuine fear, as just a few feet away from her stood Johnny White, flanked by his two henchmen.

'Well, well, boys. Look who we have here. It's my old mate Cook. And he seems to be crying! What are you crying for, Cookie boy? I haven't even started on you yet!'

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	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Naomi has caught 'Emily' and Effy getting intimate in the ladies toilet in a night club and has told 'Cook' all about it. 'Cook' has angrily confronted 'Emily' and then stormed out of the club, only to run into Johnny White and his boys.

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Emily recognised she was in deep shit and she was almost wetting herself with the fear of what Johnny White might do to her. She felt her throat suddenly turn terribly dry and she wanted to shout out for help but the words simply refused to come out. To hell with how embarrassing it might have looked for the notorious self-styled hard man James Cook to be crying for help like a big girl. Besides, that's what he had become now - or least a small, fragile, frightened girl, to be more precise.

She looked all around her for help but she was more or less alone, save for a young couple fifty yards way who seemed far too preoccupied with swallowing each other's mouths to be likely to pay any attention to what might be happening to Emily any minute now. She would have to fight this particular battle on her own and it didn't look like being a battle she could win.

'You made a complete fool of me the other night, Cookie and now it's payback time. This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me. Get up and prepare to take your punishment like a man.'

Johnny White narrowed his eyes and gave a particularly evil smile, as was befitting a man who took enormous pleasure out of inflicting cruelty on others, especially those who made the very unwise decision to cross his path. His two trusted lieutenants nodded in agreement and tried to imitate their boss's chillingly malevolent smile but failed miserably. They only succeeded in making themselves look demented and, more than anything else, as if they were suffering from severe constipation.

Emily rose slowly and with terror in her eyes as she looked at the three guys who started to advance upon her with ruthless determination and steely expressions. Her only option, she thought, was to run like the clappers and pray to God that something or someone would come to her rescue and frighten them off. She was just on the point of making a bolt for it when a girl's voice shouting the foulest of obscenities made them all turn round in surprise.

Cook had obviously come out of the club and had spotted Johnny White and his henchmen descending upon Emily with clear intent to do physical harm to her. 'He' was shouting at them at the top of his voice as he marched over towards the four of them with a fierce expression and with his fists clenched in anger.

'Oi, White! You fucking leave her alone, d'you hear me? Just you fucking back off!'

Johnny White exchanged puzzled glances with his two cohorts and the three of them burst out laughing.

'Her?' Johnny White seemed to have overlooked the less than respectful tone of Cook's greeting and had seized on one particular word. He began grinning like a Cheshire cat. 'Well, I admit he does seem to be acting like a big girl's blouse for a so-called hard man but I didn't know that's what you thought of him too, darling.' The three gangsters sniggered openly in Emily's face as she cowered in front of them, still terrified and wondering what the hell Cook was planning on doing. She did feel a bit better since he had turned up, however and her chances of getting out of this situation alive if not unscathed, although still not great, had significantly improved. Between the two of them, she and Cook might just be able to hold them off for a little while, she reckoned, before they got their heads well and truly kicked in.

'I'm the one you're looking for, Johnny. It's got nothing to do with her. Leave her out of it. It's me you've got to deal with.' Cook didn't care how ridiculous what he was saying must have sounded to White and his henchmen. All thoughts of maintaining the pretence of their crossed identities had flown out of the window once he had seen that Emily was in serious danger. Cook was a selfish, inconsiderate bastard at the best of times but he was no coward and would never let a girl take a beating for him. He'd rather die than let that be said about him.

'I don't know who the fuck you are, love or what mental hospital you've escaped from but I've got no argument with you. This is between me and Cook. A little 'unfinished business' to sort out. Now, run along, there's a good girl.'

Cook went right up to White and snarled menacingly in his face, which wasn't an easy thing to achieve when you had the delicate, feminine features of Emily Fitch as your basic raw material.

'And I'm telling you, Johnny, _I'm _Cook and you're just going to let her calmly walk away from here and then we'll sort this out between us.'

Johnny White whistled in open-mouthed amazement and more than a little admiration at the young girl who was daring to stand up to him so forcefully, even if she was clearly stark, raving mad. Up until that moment White was still in complete control of the situation but he now made the schoolboy error of relaxing and dropping his guard when within easy reach of Cook.

The sound of voices close at hand made him briefly glance over in the direction they were coming from and he saw the rest of the gang emerge from the club and start walking over towards them. Crucially he took his eyes off Cook for a fatal few seconds and that was all the encouragement Cook needed to get in the first blow.

Cook had quickly weighed up his options, taking into account that he didn't have his normal well developed masculine brute force on his side, and chose wisely and economically using the resources available to him.

Up came his right knee with a rapid and precise movement and he made a perfect bullseye connection (or should that be 'ballseye') with Johnny White's goolies. White screamed out loud in excruciating agony and even Emily winced on his behalf at the pain that she guessed must have shot right through every inch of his body. Anyone who has been hit in the 'groin' by a cricket ball when he has unwisely taken to the field without the requisite protective equipment will easily be able to feel the pain Johnny White was experiencing right then as he collapsed to the ground, as if pole axed and squealing like a dying pig.

White's two lieutenants stood there, rooted to the spot in silent, open-mouthed disbelief at what a mere slip of a girl had just done to their glorious leader. Cook made a couple of small steps towards the pair of them and asked them in an impressively flat, emotionless tone of voice 'Either of you two fancy some of that?'

The least threatening and scary seconds-in-command in the history of gangster crime looked down at their leader, still rolling around on the ground, whimpering and squealing in abject pain and suffering, his eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets.

They looked up at each other with faces which had already turned white with horror and undisguised pity at their boss's sorry plight. They then looked back at Cook whose angelic, childlike features they would never have imagined could have contained so much potential for indiscriminate violence and they replied in unison:

'No. No, I don't think so, thanks very much, love. Kind of you to offer, but if you don't mind, we won't if that's alright with you.'

They smiled weakly and bent down to pick up Johnny White who had stopped rolling around now but otherwise appeared to be in just as much agony as any man was entitled to be after such an assault to the softest and least protected parts of his body.

'Come on boss, we'd better get you home. You really should get that looked at. You don't want it turning septic, you know. Here, hold on to us, you'll not be able to walk properly for a couple of days.'

By this time the rest of the gang had witnessed the full extent of Emily's rage and resentment against Johnny White and had surrounded her and Cook in open-mouthed astonishment and admiration. One or two of them were more than a little perturbed and stunned by what they had just seen the normally shy, placid Emily do.

'Fucking hell, Ems! What on earth's got into you? Have you been taking some heavy shit?' Katie had rarely seen her twin so much as lose her temper, let alone carry out an assault of that intensity and devestation before. This seemed completely out of character and made her wonder whether she had been taking some strange pills with some serious side effects for her to get her so worked up and violent like that.

'Impressive, Emily!' nodded Naomi in quiet approval of the redhead standing up for herself.

'Well done, Emily,' said Effy who hadn't said a thing since the whole group had been reunited and had seemed very thoughtful and distracted while these events had been going on.

'What happened to you, Cook?' Freddie asked his friend who had likewise been uncharacteristically silent during the back-slapping and general admiration of the younger twin. 'Are you getting the girls to do your dirty work for you now?'

Emily forced out an unconvincing, rueful smile and said to Cook, 'Yeah. Well done Emily. You just beat me to it. I was just about to whip his arse before you stepped in. We make a pretty good team, don't we?'

The gang all laughed and Naomi judged that this was the time to ask the question that was still on everyone's lips.

'So what _were_ you two arguing about in the club? Was it anything to do with what just happened here?'

Cook and Emily looked at each other and 'Emily' said, 'Sort of, I suppose. But it's all forgotten now. We're all friends again, aren't we?'

Emily nodded and they all slowly started to move off, chattering away in small groups amongst themselves about the events of that evening. Emily gradually managed to detach herself from Freddie and JJ and move alongside Naomi and Effy who had been walking together in more or less total silence and some obvious unease since they had left the scene of the battlefield. Neither of them seemingly wanted to bring up the subject of what had happened in the ladies toilets.

The three of them chatted about that evening's events for a while until they came to the point where Naomi would turn off to get to her house and leave the others behind.

'Can I walk you home, Naomi?' Emily plucked up the courage to ask the blonde girl who looked astonished at such an unexpected act of chivalry and thoughtfulness on Cook's part.

'Bloody hell, Cook! Are you sure Johnny White didn't hit you over the head before Emily stepped in? You're not suffering from concussion, are you?'

Emily smiled shyly and shook her head. 'No. I just thought I should see you home, that's all. It's late and……well, you know….there's lots of weirdoes about nowadays, aren't there?'

'Yeah. Like you, for instance?' Naomi gave a half-mocking smile to Emily who smiled back. 'OK. If you really want to. But you're not coming in for coffee, understand? Strictly walking me home, alright.'

'Sure,' said Emily as her heart quietly began to sing for joy. She had loved being with Naomi in the club earlier in the evening, just the two of them hanging out and chatting together. She wanted to spend some more time alone with her and this was the only excuse she could think up on the spur of the moment. She knew it would probably look very peculiar to the others but after the evening she'd just had she didn't care what anyone thought any more. She had come damn close to being beaten to a pulp by Johnny White and his boys and she had come round to thinking that life was too short not to take the odd chance or two.

They made their way slowly through the back streets which led towards Naomi's neighbourhood. Naomi had been talking for several minutes about Emily's clash with Johnny White and had said how surprised she had been to see Emily show such fighting spirit.

'Why? Didn't you think she was capable of that?' Emily asked, dying to find out what Naomi really thought of her.

'Christ, no! Not in a million years. She's so under Katie's thumb I wouldn't have imagined she could ever stand up for herself like that. It was quite an eye-opener Maybe I've misjudged her a bit. There's obviously a bit more to her than meets the eye. '

'Well, you can never really know what people are like until you get to know them properly. I mean, first impressions can be very misleading. You may think you can work someone out pretty quickly but they can surprise you later on and you start to see a different side to them that you didn't know existed.'

'Like you, you mean?' Naomi looked at Emily and raised her eyebrows suggestively but not without a touch of good-natured humour.

'How do you mean?' Emily could feel her heart beating a little faster and her hands were getting a touch clammy as she nervously waited for Naomi's response to her question

'Well, I used to think you were such a dickhead,' Naomi was brutally frank as ever in her character assassination.

'Oh thanks!' Emily couldn't stop her initial reaction to such hurtful words coming out, but instantly had to remind herself, _She's talking about Cook, you idiot, not you!_

'Sorry, but you were. You really acted like you didn't give a shit about anyone but yourself and you had all the charm of a neutered Doberman. But recently you seemed to have changed. You're actually almost bearable to be around now.'

.'Wow! I have made an improvement, haven't I? Does that mean you'll think about being friends with me now, instead of just ignoring me like before?' _Shit,_ Emily thought. _Now I sound like me again! Christ, this is hard to keep up for a long time_.

Emily was hugely encouraged to hear that Naomi now actually enjoyed being with her and she was desperate to try to get her to talk some more. But she was conscious that she didn't want to go too quickly and put Naomi off her just as she'd made some progress with their friendship.

'Maybe. We'll see. It depends if you can keep up this new nice guy act. Or is that what it is? Just an act?' Naomi looked at 'Cook' closely to see what his reaction would be to that suggestion.

'No, it's not an act. Let's just say I realised you weren't going to want to be friends with me unless I sorted myself out a bit. You were never going to be impressed the way I was before, were you?'

'Too bloody right! Why do you want to impress me, anyway, Cook?'

Emily wondered if she should tell Naomi what she, Emily, really felt or if she should try to stay in character as Cook. She was beginning to feel totally caught in two minds, caught between two stools, as it were. Of course she longed for Naomi to fancy her as much as she fancied Naomi. But she wanted the tall, leggy, gorgeous blonde to fall for Emily, not Cook. If she could make Naomi fall in love with her, then if she ever became Emily again then she might have Cook as a rival. But surely Cook couldn't possibly change into a nicer version of himself just because he had spent some time as a girl seeing life through a girl's eyes, could he? He would still be the same old Cook, if he ever resumed his normal identity, surely she told herself.

'Cook! Hello! IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?'

Emily had slipped off into deep thought and Naomi had rudely brought her back to grim reality. She was still Cook for now and for God knows how much longer and the two of them had arrived at Naomi's house. It was time for 'Cook' to take his leave.

'Sorry, I was miles away,' apologised Emily to a bemused Naomi. _Cook seemed to be in his own strange little world recently_, the blonde girl thought. _I wonder what's brought that on._

'The lights are on but Mr Brain has long since ceased to function?'

'Something like that. Sorry,' said Emily sheepishly. 'I guess I'm just tired.'

'Me too. Well, thanks for walking me home, Cook. I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Yeah' Emily smiled at Naomi who seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if unsure of herself, before she leaned over towards Emily and kissed her gently on the lips. It wasn't a full blown smackeroo, but nor was it an innocent peck on the cheek either. It was somewhere in between and it totally took Emily by surprise. She gasped in astonishment and very nearly blushed which she realised would have been hard to explain.

'What was that for?' was all she could trust herself to ask.

'For not being a dickhead for yet another day. And for being a gentleman and offering to walk me home.'

'Right,' said Emily as she hugged herself inwardly for joy. 'I must remember to do exactly the same tomorrow, then!

Naomi chuckled and started walking up to her front door. 'We'll see if you can keep it up, shall we? I must admit, I have my doubts.' With that she turned her key in the lock and swiftly and quietly disappeared inside the house, leaving a gobsmacked and ecstatic Emily beside herself with mounting excitement and trembling body on the pavement.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: 'Cook' was on the point of being beaten up by Johnny White and his boys outside a night club when 'Emily' came to the rescue and saw them off by kneeing White viciously in the bollocks. 'Cook' offered to walk Naomi home afterwards and received a kiss from her as a thank you which left our Emily in a state of unbridled joy.

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Emily woke up the next morning with memories of her unexpected, yet breathtakingly enjoyable goodnight kiss from Naomi still fresh in her mind. As she lay in Cook's bed, randomly looking around his student room which continued to offer very little in the way of comfort and homeliness, Emily's thoughts turned towards Cook's move on Effy in the night club earlier that evening.

She really must have a word with Cook about that, she thought. She couldn't let him keep making a move on all the girls just because he fancied them when he was Emily as far as the rest of the world was concerned. If she stood by and allowed him to carry on as he'd started without saying a word, then pretty soon the whole college would think that she was gay. Worse still, she would acquire an unwanted reputation as the biggest lesbian slut in college. Emily shuddered violently at the thought of what people would say about her if that got out. Katie would do her absolute fucking nut for starters and she herself would be too embarrassed to show her face in public ever again. No! That just couldn't be allowed to happen! She would rather die, she thought, than be known as the college dyke bike.

She reached out for her mobile which was lying on the table next to the bed and called Cook. She knew full well it was bound to be a difficult and awkward conversation but it was one that had to be faced up to without delay before he could do any more damage to her rapidly diminishing reputation. After a few rings Cook mercifully answered her call.

'Cook? It's me, Emily. Can we meet up this morning? I need to talk to you about something really urgently.'

'Okay. Where and when?' Cook didn't sound particularly surprised or pissed off by her request.

'Meet me on the green at eight-thirty. **Don't** bring Katie with you, for fuck's sake!'

He agreed and rung off, leaving Emily to run through in her head exactly what she was going to say to him while she got up, washed, dressed and prepared to leave for college. If she didn't handle this just right she could really make life impossibly difficult and unpleasant for herself – in fact it might make her life not worth living at all if she couldn't persuade Cook not to fuck his way around all the girls in college.

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As Cook hung up on Emily, Katie walked in to the bedroom and saw her twin come off the phone.

'Who was that?' she asked curiously. It was very early in the morning for Emily to be getting a phone call, she thought.

'Fuck off! It's none of your business, Katie,' Cook sneered as he couldn't resist the chance to put the perpetually nosy twin in her place.

'Don't tell _me _to fuck off, Ems! Like I care what lowlife you're arranging to meet, anyway.'

'Were you listening at the door to my call, you nosy cow?' Cook was beginning to appreciate and sympathise with Emily's frequent moans about never having any privacy or personal space to call her own. He had found out to his increasing annoyance and frustration over the past week or so that Katie always seemed to be hanging around whenever he wanted to be on his own for a bit. She was like the parrot perpetually perched on the pirate's shoulder, constantly pecking away at his ear and squawking into it.

'It's not my fault you shout down the phone all the time. How could I not hear you?'

'Well _you're_ not invited, so you can piss off to college without me, okay? Think you can manage that on your own, for once? Or do you need me to hold your hand to cross the road?'

'You fucking cheeky little cow! You've been a real pain in the arse lately. I don't know what's got into you. You haven't been the same since Cook's birthday. What the hell's happened to make you like this?'

Cook looked at Katie in suspicious silence. For one split second he was almost tempted to tell her the truth about that fateful night except that he knew she would never believe him in a million years and would think her twin had seriously lost her marbles. He dismissed the ridiculous notion of coming clean and got out of bed, deliberately ignoring Katie who sighed deeply, picked up her bag and stormed out of the room.

Cook went over to the wardrobe that the two girls shared and gazed in wonder and considerable disbelief at the vast array of clothes that were stuffed from top to bottom in it. He was beginning to be bored with wearing the same couple of pairs of jeans and trousers of Emily's that he had been able to find originally. Besides, Emily had warned him that he would have to start wearing some of her 'normal' clothes otherwise people would soon get suspicious and ask awkward questions.

He rummaged around for a bit and finally picked out a blouse and skirt that he thought he vaguely remembered Emily wearing on one occasion. They would have to do, he decided. He didn't have much time before he had to leave for his meeting with the redhead. Suddenly he heard a noise at the door that made him turn round. 'Fucking hell!' he thought. That bloody Katie's spying on me still! He tiptoed over to the door and flung it open, only to find not Katie but James, the twins' little brother. He had obviously been caught red-handed in the act of trying to spy through the keyhole, judging by his embarrassed, red-faced look of guilty surprise.

'What the fuck are you doing, you little shit?' said Cook with a knowing half smile. He thought '_You don't need to be a rocket scientist to work out what an eleven year old boy is doing outside the bedroom door of his two older attractive twin sisters._'

'Nothing!' said James unconvincingly. 'I was just passing.'

'Yeah! Of course you were, you horny little fucker! I'll give you something to really get you going.

In the blink of an eye Cook undid the cord of the dressing-gown he was wearing and pulled the two sides of the gown apart, thereby revealing in all its naked glory his delicately sculpted frame of a beautiful female form. James' mouth shot wide open as he gasped out loud, his eyes were bulging so much they appeared about to fall out of their sockets, he blushed furiously and articulated his shock at Cook's flashing display in the only way he knew how.

'WHOA!! SHIT A BRICK!!'

'Now, get the fuck out of here, you little shit!' Cook covered himself up again and aimed a well-directed kick at James' backside, connecting sharply and extracting a huge yelp of pain from the young boy who fell to his knees in agony. On seeing the young boy roll around in pain, Cook slammed the door shut on him and returned to the task of getting dressed.

He quickly slipped out of the dressing gown and put on one of Emily's bras, a manoeuvre which had now become virtually second nature to him – much to his continuing shame and embarrassment. Mind you, he would probably still be struggling heroically even today to put a bra on if Emily hadn't given him a private lesson one morning when they had the place to themselves.

'Why do I need to wear one, anyway?' he had protested bitterly at the time. 'It's not as if your tits are so big that they'd be hanging down by my knees if I went without one!'

'You'll bloody wear one and lump it, Cook! I'm not having you make me look like some cheap little tart who flashes her boobs for the whole world to see. One of those in the family is quite enough, thanks.'

Cook had fallen about laughing at Emily's barely disguised dig at Katie's penchant for displaying her assets on every conceivable occasion.

'You two really are quite different, aren't you?' he had remarked, chuckling in Emily face.' I always thought twins were practically the same in every way.'

'Well, we're NOT!' Emily had replied with a piercing glare at Cook. 'Not by a long chalk.'

A few minutes later blouse, skirt and flats had been put on and some rudimentary make-up had been applied, again courtesy of a crash course in the noble art by Emily who was absolutely insistent that he was never to venture out in public without at least a bare minimum of make-up having been put on first. She had completely refused to compromise on this stance and so Cook had very reluctantly agreed to be walked through the Ladybird Book of Girls' Make-up. He flew down the stairs, remembering to pick up his handbag which Emily practically ordered him to wear round his neck at all times and even sleep with in case he forgot to leave home without it. Mrs Fitch came out into the hall at the sound of him coming down the stairs and just caught sight of her younger daughter as she flew out of the door.

'Emily! You haven't had any breakfast!'

'Sorry, can't stay. I'm meeting someone and I'm late already.' Cook said a curt goodbye and disappeared off into the distance at breakneck speed, leaving a frustrated Jenna Fitch standing in the open doorway.

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Emily looked at her watch for the second time since she had arrived at the green. What a surprise – Cook was late! Did the tosser ever do anything right? Was he inconsiderate, selfish and rude twenty-four seven? She leaned back on the bench, sighed in exasperation and closed her eyes. A vision of Naomi immediately appeared in her mind, kissing her passionately on the lips, her arms wrapped around Emily's neck and her body pressing seductively up against her own. God, how she longed for that to happen but how far away the likelihood of it ever happening seemed right now!

'Hiya, babe!' said a familiar voice in her ear. It was her own voice, of course and it still had the capacity to shock and unnerve her when she was taken by surprise, even though she'd heard Cook speak as her countless times already.

'In your own time, Cook. There's no rush, we've only got to be in college by nine, after all!' Her heavy sarcasm was wasted on Cook though, not because he didn't recognise it but because he was in a good mood and saw no reason to rise to the bait.

'So what's the big deal, Emily? What's this all about?'

As Cook moved in to sit down next to her, Emily looked in horror at his outfit and recoiled in despair at his embarrassing lack of dress sense.

'Fucking hell! Are you determined to make me look like a complete prick?'

Cook looked at Emily blankly, the implication of her dismissive remark being totally lost on him. 'What do you mean?' he said, looking down at himself. 'I'm wearing a top, a skirt and a pair of flats like you suggested. How much more stupid do you want to make me feel?'

'Did you pick them out in the bloody dark? What the hell made you think I would wear a red top with a yellow skirt and green shoes?! '

'Oh, for fuck's sake, don't _you _go on about bleeding colour co-ordination and matching outfits. I get enough of that boring shit from Katie at home.' Cook felt more than a bit pissed off by Emily's castigations about his dress sense – at least he was dressed like a girl, even if it did make him feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. She should be fucking grateful, he thought. At least he was trying to make an effort. 'Look, can we change the subject? What did you want to speak to me about?'

Emily forced herself to turn her attention away from Cook's appalling mix of colours and back on to the reason for their meeting.

'Cook, I need you to stop trying to get off with every girl in college!' Emily didn't want to sound too desperate and anxious about it but she was determined to hold her ground against Cook's inevitable protestations.

'Hey, come on, Emily! Cookie's all man, you know. He needs loving, like on a regular basis. What do you expect me to do?'

'But you're **not** Cook any more. You're ME, remember? You've got to try and act more like me, unless you want to fuck my whole life up!'

'So what do you want me to do, then when I want sex? Get Freddie or JJ to give me one? I'm not into guys, in case you've forgotten. I'm still very much into girls, thank you very much.'

'Well, so…………fucking hard luck! I'm in the same boat as you, after all._' Not strictly true, she had to admit, after she'd nearly given the game away, but that was none of his business. '_Would you be ecstatic if I tried to get off with any of the guys** I** fancy? You wouldn't mind if people started believing Cook was actually secretly gay all the time because he tried to have sex with Freddie or JJ?

'Whoa! Whoa, girl. Don't you even fucking think about it!' Cook suddenly understood what Emily was getting at and the thought made him feel sick to the pit of his stomach.

'At last! The penny's finally dropped. The great intellectual's got the hang of it now. Hooray!' Emily's withering sarcasm came out as an outpouring of inner relief that Cook could now see where she was coming from with his unwelcome attentions on all of the girls. The reverse scenario involving Emily as him had clearly never occurred to him. _God, it's like pulling teeth sometimes_, she groaned inwardly. _He really isn't one of life's great thinkers!_

'So what do we do for sex, then? I can't go without sex for the rest of my life. I don't think I've gone without a shag for more than a few days since I knew what my dick was for!'

Cook's question was a terribly simple and valid one but one that was incredibly hard to answer. Were the two of them forever to be condemned to a depressingly monastic life of celibacy and abstention? How was there a way round this conundrum? Nothing came to Emily's mind and Cook was obviously way out of his intellectual depth on this one.

'I don't know. I need time to think about it,' said Emily grumpily, with a shrug of her shoulders.

'Hang on a moment,' said Cook as a broad smile suddenly broke out across his face. 'I think I know the answer. It's bloody obvious when you think about it!'

Emily stared at Cook in amazement and utter bemusement. What the hell can he have thought of that she hadn't? He's just bluffing, she reckoned. Then, as she continued to stare at Cook's mischievously grinning expression, it dawned on her with a ghastly, vomit-inducing, realisation what he must be hinting at.

'NO FUCKING WAY!! Not a fucking chance in hell, Cook! Don't even think about it. It's not going to happen!'

'Oh, come on, babe. What else can we do? It's you and me, babe, together for life. It's like it's God's funny way of telling us that we're meant to be together. We're soul mates now, bound to one another in some kind of twisted destiny.'

'Over my fucking dead body, Cook. If you even think of laying a finger on me I'll do to you what you did to Johnny White last night. Only I'll make sure you never get the chance to shag anyone ever again!'

'Well, just think it over, Ems. Give it time. You might come round to the idea in a while.' Cook was still smiling, clearly not remotely put off by Emily's unequivocal reaction to his ingenious and, so he thought, entirely logical solution to their problem.

Before Emily could respond with yet more vehement protestations, a nearby cry of greeting made them both turn round. Effy was slowly walking towards them, her arms nonchalantly folded and a suspicion of a smile hovering on her full red lips.

'Shit!' muttered Emily under her breath and she looked up at Cook to gauge his reaction to the approach of the sultry brunette with whom he had tried his luck only the night before. Cook, by contrast, seemed extremely pleased to see Effy and confirmed this with a cheery greeting and a grin which was anything but shy and embarrassed.

'Hi' said Effy, standing a couple of feet away and looking at the pair of them intently.

'What are you two doing here so early?'

'Oh, nothing much,' said Emily quickly before Cook could reply. 'Just chilling out, you know.'

Effy raised an eyebrow in that characteristic way of hers which meant she didn't believe for one second what she was being told but was happy to let it rest for the time being.

'Interesting night last night, wasn't it? Full of surprises, eh Emily?' Effy turned an inquiring look on Cook who returned her gaze steadfastly and felt Emily's foot gently press down on his own in a secret warning to choose his words very carefully.

'I suppose you could say that, Effy. Thank God Cook came to my rescue. I thought Johnny White was going to kill me!' Cook decided to heed Emily's advice and avoid talking about his attempted bunk up with Effy in the toilets.

'I wasn't thinking of that really. I was thinking more about what happened earlier on in the club.' Effy loved to wind people up gently and tease them to distraction. She loved probing people for a reaction and she was an expert at the art, seemingly always capable of choosing the right words and delivering them in the perfect manner, accompanied by the most innocent of expressions, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

'Well, we'd all had a lot to drink, hadn't we,' said Emily who didn't trust Cook not to fuck up. 'We all do stupid things sometimes when we're pissed that we wouldn't normally do. I mean, you know what I'm like, Effy!'

'Yes, I know what you're like, Cook. We all know what you're like. What I wasn't sure about was what Emily was like…….after a few drinks, of course. Not that I remember you drinking you that much.'

An uneasy silence reigned for a few moments which was mercifully punctuated, as far as Emily was concerned, by the sudden ringing of the bell to signal the start of classes at the college.

'Come on, guys, we'll be late for class,' said 'Emily' with a fake note of insistence in his voice which Effy all too easily spotted. 'In fact I think I've just seen Naomi go by,' 'Emily' added, lying through his teeth. 'I want to have a quick word with her. I'll catch up with you guys later.'

With that spontaneously invented excuse, Cook rushed off towards the college in search of the non-existent Naomi, leaving a mightily relieved Emily to make her way in with Effy who had a faintly self-satisfied grin on her face which Emily was too terrified to ask her to explain.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily arranges an early morning meeting with Cook to persuade him not to hit on all the girls in college while he is still 'her'. Cook suggests that the two of them should get down to it as they are in the same boat which Emily rejects out of hand. Emily is afraid that Effy suspects something is not quite right with the pair of them.

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Not for the first time in the last few days Emily woke up in Cook's bed with her head still full of the most wonderfully vivid images of Naomi and her getting it on together in some far-off fairytale land. Only on this occasion there was one rather significant difference between this morning and all the other times she had woken up still half dreaming of the tall, blonde object of her affections. One undeniable fact was staring her in the face that she couldn't ignore, that she had to deal with however unpleasant, sordid and nasty the truth of it was. For this morning she discovered to her utter horror and embarrassment that she had woken up with a 24 carat, all singing and dancing, raging hard-on.

It was hardly surprising in the circumstances that her first reaction on making this awful discovery was to let out a piercing scream that might have been heard on the other side of town if she still had her own admittedly husky, yet still undeniably feminine voice. As it was, Cook's manly tones made a strange high pitched roar not wholly incompatible with the noise one might imagine a teenage guy would make were he to accidentally catch his todger in his fly.

She stared at the offending stiffy with feelings of revulsion and disbelief and couldn't help being disgusted with herself that she had been the sole cause of it. Those idyllic images and dream sequences of her and Naomi together that she had evidently so enjoyed during the night had well and truly reared their ugly head, so to speak. Her immediate priority was to get rid of the erection and so she started thinking unpleasant thoughts, conjuring up painful images in her mind of Naomi telling her she hated her and didn't want to see her or speak to her ever again. That seemed to do the trick quite rapidly as the hard-on gradually subsided and her penis resumed its normal restful proportions.

She lay back in her bed again, mightily relieved, and quietly contemplated for a few moments the dilemma of being a male _and_ feeling incredibly horny. Men didn't have it easy in that respect, she had to admit, although she was still strongly of the opinion that in all other respects men didn't know how lucky they were not to have to put up with the shit that women had to on a regular basis. Furthermore a lot of this shit, if truth be told, was endured by women solely to please men who rarely acted like they were grateful for the sacrifices that women made for them. Fucking tossers! Emily couldn't help saying out loud to herself. Clearly the disappearance of the boner had enabled her feminine side to re-establish its mastery of her psyche once again.

Her quiet musings on the awkwardness of being a woman trapped in a man's body were suddenly disturbed by the sound of her phone ringing. She reached out to pick up from the bedside table and looked at it. It was Cook so she took the call without much enthusiasm given her recent tirade against the male species which tended to centre on him in particular.

'What do you want, Cook?' she asked tersely, hoping it would be nothing and that he would leave her alone to continue to wallow in her own personal misery and general disenchantment with her current lot in life.

'Emily! You've got to fucking help me! Jesus Christ!' He sounded genuinely in a right old state and Emily's curiosity couldn't help but be aroused, though thankfully not her penis as well this time.

'What's up? Calm down, for Christ's sake,' she replied, hearing him swearing in the background – or rather, hearing herself swearing which she still found hard to get used to as she rarely used the level and intensity of industrial language which Cook was accustomed to coming out with.

'I think I've got a fucking period!' Cook's voice betrayed the fullest possible anxiety and blind fear of someone being forced to confront the complete unknown for the first time in his life. Emily knew that her instinctive reaction was terribly unfair on the lad and very unsympathetic to Cook's predicament but nonetheless she wasn't able to stop herself bursting out laughing on the phone at the news he had just given her. _Now lets see how you fucking like it_, she thought to herself, as she fought hard to control her emotions.

'Okay, okay, just sit down and listen to me,' she said, forcing herself to be practical and, above all, sensitive to a boy's understandable feminine hygiene concerns. 'Where are you, in the bedroom?' The answer given was clearly in the affirmative which prompted the next question, 'Are you alone?' That too was answered with a yes which made her next task a lot easier than it might have been otherwise.

Emily proceeded to talk Cook through the necessary procedure for dealing with what for her of course was a tedious, regular and inevitable consequence of being a fully menstruating member of the human race. Cook, to his credit, had by now calmed down sufficiently to follow her instructions and directions carefully and precisely so that in a few minutes the problem had been dealt with and the issue resolved to her own satisfaction.

'Christ, do you girls really have to go through this nightmare every fucking month?' said Cook with a clearly audible note of admiration in his voice.

'Yep. So you better start getting used to it, Cook. This is not going to be a one-off, you know.' Emily's attitude, which to begin with was one of barely concealed resentment and irritation in the face of Cook's utter helplessness, had softened considerably as she started to feel a little bit sorry for him. His bewilderment at his situation was borne out of the sheer ignorance of men of what it was like to be a woman and that wasn't his fault, after all. Now that a disaster had been averted she said goodbye and rang off as nothing more needed to be said.

But Emily didn't put the phone down. Instead she scrolled down the list of contacts until she came to Naomi and her finger hovered a while over the blonde girl's name as she considered the wisdom of calling her at all, never mind this early in the day. After wrestling with her own doubts and contradictions she decided to take the plunge and go for it. What could be the worst that Naomi could say to her? _Fuck off, Cook and leave me alone. _She had met with worse when she was Emily - almost. 

Naomi picked up the call surprisingly quickly, Emily thought and said hello in a rather curious voice.

'Hi Naomi, it's me, Cook,' Emily said and immediately cursed herself for being so dumb as to state the bleeding obvious.

'I know, my phone said so,' said Naomi matter of factly and Emily cringed with embarrassment. What a brilliant start to the conversation! 'I just phoned to see what you're doing today. I wondered if you fancied meeting up at all.' She hoped that sounded cool and relaxed enough not to make her too suspicious about her motives.

'Sorry, no can do. I've been invited to a party this afternoon by Pandora. .I've got a few things to do before I get ready.'

Emily felt gutted that she knew nothing about it. She wondered why Panda hadn't asked her too. Maybe she could wangle an invite, somehow. It was worth a try, she thought.

'Sounds fun. Can I come with you? I'm sure Pandora won't mind.'

'I'm sure she will, Cook. I'm afraid it's out of bounds for you. It's a girls only, pyjama party, apparently. Her Mum isn't too keen on you boys, I hear. Can't say I blame her, actually. After all we don't want you to get pissed, wreck the place and get into another fight, do we?' Emily's heart sank at the disappointing news that she was to be excluded from the fun but an even worse thought came suddenly to mind which filled her with a feeling far worse than just disappointment.

'Who else is going?' she said.

'Well, Effy, obviously. And probably Emily and Katie as well, I suppose. Can't say I'm too thrilled at the prospect of spending the day with them. Mind you, if Katie comes out with any more of that shit about me and Emily, then I'm going straight home.'

'_Oh, fucking hell_!' thought Emily. _Cook's going to be there! SHIT!!_

'I'm surprised Pandora's invited me, actually,' added Naomi. 'I don't really know her that well. I mean, I know we all hang around a bit but it's not like I'm her best friend or anything. Still, I've got bugger all else to do today so I might as well go. I can't say I'm keen on the pyjamas bit, though.'

Emily was so gripped with fear at the prospect of Cook, as her, spending the whole day with a bunch of girls, including Naomi, dressed only in pyjamas, getting rat-arsed and getting up to God knows what that she could hardly say a word any more. She realised she had to speak to Cook again, right away, even though it meant tearing herself off the phone from Naomi who ordinarily she would happily have spent the whole day talking to if she were given the chance. Reluctantly, therefore, she said her goodbyes to the blonde and redialled Cook's number. When he answered her call she wasted no time in laying into him right away.

'Why didn't you tell me about the fucking party, you wanker?' she accused him with surprising venom. She was livid and didn't care how much it showed on this occasion.

'Hey, calm down, Ems. I've only just been told about it. I've been on the phone to Panda since I called you.'

'Well, you're not going, are you?' Emily tried not to sound like she was pleading but she was desperate for him not to go.

'What? Are you joking? It's going to be fucking mint! I mean, come on! A party for just us girls? You bet your life I am!'

'You can't go, Cook. You're bound to give the game away. You can't possibly hope to spend all that time with them and not make them suspicious that something's wrong with you!' Emily was making up reasons as she was going along in a frantic effort to persuade Cook not to go. The real reason of course was that she didn't want him to be tempted to try it on with Naomi or Effy or even Panda, for Christ's sake.

'Sorry, Emily, but the Cookie Monster's been invited to a party and he can't let his public down. I'm getting horny just thinking about all those girls getting down and dirty in their pyjamas. Now if you don't mind, I've got to go and shower, do my hair, and pick out what I'm going to wear. As a bloke, you wouldn't understand this but a girl needs a lot of time to get ready for a party. Cheerio.'

With that final parting sarcastic affront to her feminine sensibilities, Cook rang off, leaving Emily screaming down the phone in anger and frustration, 'You fucking bastard, Cook!!'

She sat up in bed and trawled furiously through all her available options and decided that there was really only one realistic choice open to her. She would have to get round to Panda's and try to stop Cook from going in. She didn't have a clue how the hell she was going to achieve that ambitious objective but she couldn't just sit back and do nothing. That was surely too big a risk to take. What were the chances that Cook would be the soul of discretion, that he would behave like a perfect gentleman – in drag, that is – and that he would leave the party without having made Emily the talk of the neighbourhood. Somewhere between slim and none, she reckoned. No, there was nothing else for it. She would have to try to stop him. He simply couldn't be trusted.

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**AUTHOR'S POSTSCRIPT**

I feel I ought to recognise the contribution of one reader of this story who gave me a terrific idea for a scene recently which I have now incorporated into this chapter. I hope that I have done justice to the original suggestion. So thanks very much, 'bruisedviolet', and I hope you liked the end product!

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	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily wakes up in the morning with an erection and Cook discovers the joys of periods. Cook has been invited to a 'girls only' pyjama party by Pandora and Emily has decided she will have to get round to Panda's house to try to stop him going to it.

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Emily got washed and dressed in double-quick time after reaching her tortuous decision to go round to Panda's to stop Cook. As she did so she tried to formulate a workable plan to persuade or prevent him from going to the party but found that inspiration was singularly lacking just when she needed it most.

She knew she could probably physically prevent him from going, by restraining him or God forbid, by knocking him out cold but she didn't want to go down that route. That would be beneath her, she argued. She would lose all self-respect if she used her newly acquired physical advantages to overcome a girl. That would go against everything she fervently believed in as she would be doing little more than condoning the violence that men used on women to get what they wanted. No – she would have to find another solution to the problem, she told herself.

She wondered if calling JJ might give her some ideas. He was really clever and, although hardly experienced in the ways of women, to put it mildly, he just might think of some great plan which might stop Cook, or rather Emily, from going to the party. It was worth a try, she supposed, as she was running out of time to come up with something other than irrational and undignified pleading and begging on her part.

She picked up her mobile and rang JJ's number and he answered immediately_. I guess you're used to jumping to attention whenever Cook calls your name, _Emily thought to herself. _Poor lad, you're totally under his thumb, aren't you?_

'Hi Cook,' said JJ. 'What's occurring?' He sounded excited to get a call ostensibly from one of his fellow musketeers but Emily thought she could detect a slight nervousness in his voice at the same time. She guessed that a call from Cook always came with a double-edged sword. Sure, something interesting was bound to happen after a conversation with Cook but it usually brought with it the potential for danger, high risk and an understandable concern for one's own personal safety.

'Not a lot,' said Emily guardedly. 'I was just wondering what you had planned for today.'

'Well, the big event of the day is Pandora's party but we're not invited, of course. Strictly off limits to us guys, you know. Girls only, I'm afraid. Rule of the house, apparently.'

'How come you know about the party, JJ?' Emily was deeply suspicious of how he would have got hold of this relatively recent information and her worst fears were promptly confirmed by JJ's innocent response.

'Emily just told me. She gave me a call not that long ago. Strange really that she rang me up just to tell me about it. She sounded terribly excited about going. Couldn't wait to get there, she said. She's really looking forward to it.'

Emily's heart plummeted like a stone and she started swearing violently under her breath. She needed help desperately and, sad state of affairs though it was, JJ appeared to be her only real shot at success in her seemingly mission impossible.

'JJ, we're going to have to go round to Panda's, you and me.'

'Oh God, Cook, please don't tell me you're going to try and gatecrash the party. That really wouldn't be clever, you know.' JJ knew what Cook was capable of and getting into a girls-only party would be child's play to a committed horny old risk-taker like him.

'No! Of course I'm not going to gatecrash it, JJ! But we must stop Coo…. Emily from going to it.'

'Why? What's wrong with Emily going to the party? Why should that bother you?'

'I've got my reasons, JJ. Isn't that enough? Look, are you going to help me or what?' Emily was getting impatient with JJ's persistent questioning and needed an answer quickly.

'Jesus! You haven't fallen for her, have you? I thought you were keen on Effy.' JJ sounded ever so slightly miffed and for one second the awful thought crossed Emily's mind that JJ was pissed off at the idea of Cook making a play for her because **he** fancied her as well. _Oh God! I can't deal with all these guys trying to work their way through all the girls. _

'JJ! Will you meet me outside Panda's or not? I need to know now!' Emily was beginning to lose her temper with the poor guy even though none of this was his fault.

Fortunately JJ meekly agreed to meet her in an hour round the corner from Pandora's house and Emily finally managed to get off the phone and continue to get ready to go out. She had feelings of grave anxiety and portentous doom in the pit of her stomach as she left Cook's student room which no amount of calm and rational self- reasoning on her part could quite dispel.

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As Cook approached Pandora's house clutching a mostly full bottle of vodka under his arm which he had been unable to resist breaking into for a couple of large gulps on the way over, he saw the unmistakeable tall, slim figure of Naomi already standing outside the front door. She appeared to be holding a four-pack of beer and a bottle of wine and was presumably on the point of ringing the doorbell when the sound of Cook coming up behind her made her stop and turn round.

'Shit,' muttered Naomi under her breath at the sight of Emily walking towards her, realising that the redhead had obviously been invited to the party like herself.

'Hi Naomikins!' said 'Emily' with a big smile which was instantly wiped away by the expression on Naomi's face which, if looks could indeed kill, would have felled the misguided lad with one clean blow.

'Fuck off! It's bad enough Cook calling me that without you starting.' Naomi was in no mood to tolerate any shit from anyone that afternoon. She was already experiencing severe misgivings about her decision to come to this party and this did not exactly make for a promising start before she had even got inside.

'Sorry, Naomi,' said 'Emily', realising his mistake and attempting to backtrack furiously. 'I came over all a bit Cook just then, didn't I? I can't think where that came from. Let's start again, shall we? Hi!'

'Hi' said Naomi, looking at the redhead with a mixture of suspicion and bemusement.

'This is going to be fun, don't you think? I have to admit I've never been to a girls' pyjama party before. Do you know what happens at them?' Cook asked with a sly grin. He knew all about the reputation of such parties, though he suspected from the little he knew about Pandora and her mother that if there were to be any high jinks and sexual shenanigans at this one he would have to show a considerable amount of imagination and ingenuity to engineer the sort of party he was looking forward to.

'Not really,' replied Naomi with a shrug of the shoulders. 'I don't know why she asked me really, 'she continued, looking at the front door again, from behind which some truly God awful singing could plainly be heard.

'I asked her to invite you,' said Cook, flashing another friendly smile which he hoped would mollify the superficially cold and hard-hearted blonde.

'What?' Naomi couldn't help pulling a face and wrinkling her nose in disbelief. 'Why would you do that, Emily? I thought you knew where I stood with you.'

'Yeah. But we can still have some fun together, you and I, can't we? Don't knock anything until you've tried it! That's what I'm beginning to find out myself. It really does open up a whole new world if you're prepared to give something new a go.'

But before Naomi could open her mouth to put 'Emily' straight, as it were, the door opened and there on the doorstep stood Pandora, shouting with typically excessive delight at the arrival of two more friends to her party. She snatched away the alcohol which she saw them holding, threw the bottles and cans into the flower beds and then excitedly invited them both to follow her into the house. She had already disappeared from view when Emily and JJ turned up at the top of the front garden at that precise moment to see first Naomi and then Cook go inside.

'Emily!' whispered Emily as loudly as she could whilst trying not to alert Naomi and Pandora to her presence. Cook had obviously heard her though and popped his head round the door briefly from inside to smile and wave at her before disappearing out of sight into the house and shutting the door behind him.

'SHIT!!' cried Emily in sheer frustration and anguish as she realised she had arrived fractionally too late to prevent Cook from going inside the house. She didn't like the cheeky, mischievous look on his face nor the contemptuous wave he had given her as he went in. She felt it was deliberately provocative and intended to mock her vain efforts to get him to change his mind about going to the party. Now she was stuck on the outside, with only JJ for company and comfort, whilst the predatory Cook was on the loose on the inside getting up to God knows what in her name. Could things possibly be any worse for her?

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The party was now in full swing after a fairly unpromising start, it has to be said. Pandora's mother had initially threatened to prove a major obstacle to everyone having the sort of good time they were looking for. She was totally anti-alcohol, anti-drugs, anti-boys and effectively anti-everything the girls considered fun in life. Fortunately the one thing she seemed to have a genuine passion for was chocolate brownies and this solitary concession to hedonism provided the girls with their one chance of salvation.

Katie had brought along with her enough MDMA to sink a rhinoceros at thirty paces and had the brilliant idea of surreptitiously putting the whole caboodle into the cake mixture when they were all in the kitchen making the brownies. Cook burst out laughing when Katie confessed what she had done and congratulated her on her initiative which the older twin found most surprising. She had expected Emily to disapprove of what she had done but was gratified to find her twin was well up for it.

She didn't know what to make of Emily these days. Her recent behaviour frequently came across as bizarre and out of character, bordering on the incomprehensible and inexplicable, but for now she was just happy not to be getting a lecture from Emily on the subject of irresponsible behaviour.

It hadn't taken long for Pandora to pressurise all the girls into stripping off and putting on the pyjama outfits that she and her Mum had so painstakingly and lovingly

spent hours making. There were considerable protests from the girls to begin with, particularly from Naomi who pulled an impressively horrified face and wrinkled her nose in disgust at the appallingly twee pyjama costumes that Pandora proudly presented to them.

However it was Emily who, more than any of the other girls, embraced Pandora's pyjama plans with gusto and told them all not to be so boring but to go with the flow and enjoy themselves. She seemed to be having a great time, much to the amusement of Katie and Naomi in particular and she was very insistent that all of them should substitute the pyjamas for the clothes they arrived in without further ado. She sat on the sofa in Pandora's bedroom and watched with a strange kind of quiet, voyeuristic fascination, so it appeared to Naomi, as the rest of the girls started stripping off down to their underwear before putting on the hideously gaudy and girly pyjamas.

'Come on, Emily,' said Effy as she looked at the redhead with a puzzled expression, 'You too. You're not getting out of this.'

Cook grinned and eventually was pulled unceremoniously to his feet by Katie and Naomi and reluctantly started to undress also, though he was laughing so much that he made very heavy weather of taking his clothes off. He appeared to be all fingers and thumbs and practically had to be helped out of his blouse and skirt by the others. Katie was shaking her head in disbelief at the antics of her sister and exchanging baffled glances with the others as if to ask them what they made of her sister's increasingly erratic behaviour that afternoon.

Just at that moment, however, Pandora's Mum entered the room with a plate stacked high with the chocolate brownies which she had clearly already been tucking into, judging by her highly excitable and uncharacteristically skittish mood. The girls (and Cook) immediately piled into the brownies with a vengeance as they all knew, apart from Pandora, about the secret major ingredient.

Within five minutes Pandora's mother was pretty much off her head, much to the amusement of all the girls with the exception of Pandora. The poor innocent proceeded to throw a major wobbly and locked herself into the toilet in tearful protest at the sight of her planned harmless, low-key, pyjama party being hijacked by the others and turned into what she imagined would become some drug-ridden, alcohol-fuelled orgy which she would feel completely left out of.

Mrs Moon was carried into her bedroom by Naomi and Cook and dumped onto the bed where she was left to sleep off the effects of the ill advised combination of chocolate brownies and MDMA. The party could now take its inevitable natural course as Cook was the first to point out, unsurprisingly.

'OK, girls. Now we've got rid of Panda's Mum for the rest of the day I declare this party well and truly open! All we need now to make it go with a real swing is some alcohol. Who's up for some of that?'

The girls all looked at each other in amazement. This was a side of Emily that they'd never seen before – the party animal, the instigator of alcohol-induced revelry and mayhem. Whilst they were all certainly up for it, it looked very peculiar seeing Emily be the prime mover in the party stakes.

'Are you alright, Em?' asked Katie, somewhat concerned for her sister's state of mind. 'This isn't like you at all. You normally follow the lead, not set it yourself.'

'I've never felt better, Katie. I'm just in the mood for a party and I'm wondering when it's going to start. Where's the booze?' As he asked the question, Cook grabbed hold of Effy's hands and started to dance with her to the music that was blaring out at full volume from downstairs. Effy smiled, laughed and danced along with the redhead as Katie and Naomi watched open-mouthed in amazement at Emily's seemingly blatant attempts at flirting with the sultry brunette.

It was Naomi who suddenly remembered that Pandora had chucked all their alcohol into the front garden so her Mum wouldn't see it. She volunteered to go down and fetch it, grateful for an excuse to leave the bedroom as she was feeling increasingly uncomfortable and embarrassed at Emily's bizarre behaviour, though she was relieved that at least it was Effy who appeared to be the focal point of her attentions at the moment and not herself.

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Emily and JJ had been hanging around outside Pandora's house for a good hour and a half now as they listened to the music belting out from within the house, heard the girls singing along to it from time to time and saw them occasionally in an upstairs room whenever any of them moved close to the window.

'What exactly are we supposed to be doing, Cook?' asked JJ, puzzled as to what his friend's agenda was for the afternoon. He was hugely relieved that Cook had shown no inclination to break into the house and gatecrash the party as he had originally feared he might but he failed to see what they could hope to achieve standing around outside.

'I don't know, JJ,' replied Emily truthfully and forlornly. She was desperate to find out what was going on inside the house but hadn't been able to come up with a plan to do so which didn't involve actually breaking in. 'I really want to know what's happening in there but I can't think of a way to find out. Have you any ideas?'

JJ was almost in shock at Cook asking him for suggestions as to what he should do. That was a first and no mistake. Cook, the natural born leader of men, seeking advice from him, JJ the born follower and sidekick whom Cook was accustomed to bullying into doing so many things against his better judgement. Whatever next?

'Um… not really, Cook. I'm sure nothing wildly exciting is going on in there, anyway. At least not the sort of thing you're probably interested in. I don't think it's meant to be that sort of party.'

'You can never tell what some people are capable of if you give them half a chance, JJ. Some people only need a sniff of an opportunity and they're in there, ruining your whole fucking life behind your back.' Emily's very real concerns for what Cook might be up to at the party came out in an unintentionally bitter, morose, philosophical rant which left JJ none the wiser as to what his mate was on about or who he might be referring to.

'Like who? Do you mean Effy? Why should she be doing anything to upset you at this pyjama party? It's a girls-only party, Cook.'

Emily was just about to answer JJ when the sound of the front door opening attracted their attention and they ran to hide behind the car that was parked in the driveway. They peered round the side of the car and saw Naomi come out of the house, or perhaps slightly stagger would be a more accurate description of her movements, and head for the flower beds. They watched as she bent down and picked up a couple of bottles and some cans and turn round to go back in the house. Emily realised that this was the chance she had been waiting for all afternoon and she knew she had to take it.

'Naomi!' she shouted, not too loudly but loudly enough for the tall blonde to hear her and turn round in surprise. 'Cook? What the fuck are you doing here?'

Emily waved Naomi towards her with a frenetic movement of her hand and was relieved to see that, after some initial hesitation and considered thought, the blonde sighed in mild irritation but still took a few hesitant steps towards where Emily was beckoning her.

'What the hell do you want, Cook? You know this is a girl's only party. This is out of bounds for you…..and JJ,' she added, noticing Cook's trusty companion crouching down by the side of the car next to him.

'Come over here for a minute. I need you to tell me what's been going on in there. Please!' Emily crossed her fingers that Naomi wouldn't just tell her to fuck off and return to the party without any information at all on the events of the afternoon.

Cook seemed quite agitated as he spoke and Naomi was puzzled, not for the first time, by how different he appeared from the old Cook from the start of term that would never have dreamt of saying please or thank you to anyone but just did what he liked, when he liked and with whom he liked. More than a bit high as she was, Naomi was intrigued as to what this could be about and so she decided to humour him for a while.

The party would still be there in five minutes: besides, she had the booze with her so she was hardly missing out on anything worthwhile at the moment, she thought.

'Go on then, Cook. I'm prepared to humour you for a few minutes. What's all this about?'

Emily turned to JJ and said 'JJ, I need to talk to Naomi in private for a few minutes. Do you mind buggering off for a while? I think I can take it from here on my own.'

JJ looked surprised but was so used to Cook dismissing him when he felt the need to that he meekly agreed to the request and took off down the road after saying goodbye to the two of them.

Naomi looked at Emily through slightly glazed eyes and said 'We might as well have a drink while we're here. What would you like?' She stared at the alcohol options she was carrying in her hands and read out in a rather uncertain voice,' Pinot Grigio or Cider Oblivion?'

'Either,' replied Emily with a smile. 'I don't mind.'

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	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily has gone round to Pandora's house determined to stop Cook going to the girls-only pyjama party but gets there too late. While Emily agonises outside, Cook is having a whale of a time inside with all the other girls. When Naomi steps outside to retrieve the alcohol, Emily grabs her to find out what has been going on at the party.

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Emily was trembling with barely suppressed desire as Naomi passed her the bottle of wine. The blonde girl was as close as a few inches away from her and Emily thought she seemed slightly tipsy although her breath didn't reek of alcohol. She accepted Naomi's offer of the wine, unscrewed the cap and took a generous slug of the liquid to calm her increasingly fragile nerves. She desperately wanted to kiss Naomi right there and then but somehow it just didn't feel quite right, what with her being stuck in Cook's wretched body. Besides, she was still far too sober to have abandoned all feelings of self-consciousness and modesty.

'Thanks,' she said, smiling at Naomi and nervously wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as some drops of liquid started dribbling down her chin. She had perhaps attacked the full bottle of wine a touch too greedily in an attempt to stiffen her resolve – whilst fervently praying that nothing else about her was suddenly going to stiffen.

'So, what's been happening in there?' she asked, trying to appear terribly nonchalant and laid back and give the impression that it was of no particular interest to her.

'Oh, it's been a bit odd, actually. I think it would have been a real non-event if Katie hadn't spiked the brownies with MDMA.'

'What? Jesus Christ! What the fuck did she do that for?' Emily's heart sunk at her twin's reckless stupidity which she feared must have had disastrous consequences for her. Cook off his head on dope in a house full of nubile, semi-naked girls just didn't bear thinking about.

Naomi wasn't so far gone that she couldn't register her surprise at Cook's reaction which seemed to her bizarre in the extreme. His fondness for recreational drugs was legendary and to hear him express disapproval of Katie's spiking of the brownies made no sense at all. Had he turned over a new leaf without any warning? Was he going to announce to them all that he had just joined up as a volunteer counsellor at Narcotics Anonymous? It seemed hard to believe – in Naomi's experience a leopard rarely changed its spots without a bloody good reason and she couldn't think of one right now which stacked up.

'Are you sure you're feeling alright, Cook?' she asked, fixing him with a long stare which couldn't have concealed her confusion and bewilderment. 'You haven't, like, had a bang on the head or something recently, have you? I hardly recognise you any more.'

'No, I'm fine. Well, no, actually I'm not, really but if I told you what the problem was, you wouldn't believe me You'd think I'd completely lost the plot and needed to see a doctor or someone.' Emily wanted so much to tell Naomi what had happened to her and Cook but frankly didn't have the foggiest idea how to go about it. How **do** you rationally explain such an unbelievable, mind-boggling event and NOT come across as a total freak and weirdo who should be locked up for your own safety?

'Try me. That sounds intriguing. Mind you, I thought you were off your head and needed help with your massive ego issues the first time I met you.'

Emily couldn't help laughing at Naomi's joke about Cook and smiled at the blonde girl who grabbed the bottle of wine back from her and took a huge swig from it.

'I wish I knew how to tell you what's happened to me so that you would believe me but I know that's impossible.'

'Cook, you're talking in riddles. If you want to tell me some big secret about yourself, then go ahead. That's up to you. I don't care either way. But stop rambling and babbling like JJ and just come out with it.'

Emily took some deep breaths as she looked at Naomi, who continued to imbibe heavily on the Pinot Grigio, and considered the value of trying to explain the whole identity swap to the gorgeous blonde who, she thought, looked unbelievably hot in her admittedly ridiculous girlie pyjama top. (She'd have looked hot dressed in a black plastic bin liner, Emily reckoned). She was bound to laugh at her, of course, but later on or the next day when she remembered their conversation she would probably simply dismiss it as the mad drunken, drugged up ramblings of two people who were totally off their head at the time.

'Do you think it's possible for there to be, like, two totally different personalities living in one person?' She thought she would start off with a very general and vague reference to split personalities before even attempting to get more specific.

'Do you mean schizophrenics, Cook? I realise that's a very big word for you to try to use but that is the technical name for someone with a split personality.'

Emily felt that she needed to be more comfortable if she was seriously going to attempt to talk about this whole fucked up problem of hers and motioned to Naomi to follow her over to a wall and sit down next to her which she was relieved to see her agree to do, albeit a little reluctantly at first.

'I don't know what the fuck what I'm trying to explain is called – or even if it has a name. Do you believe it's possible………….I know this sounds fucking weird but, like, for someone to be a guy and yet also a girl at the same time?' Emily was almost too terrified to look at Naomi's face after she had spoken in case she saw a look of utter horror and disgust on it which would have told her she had made a ghastly error of judgement in bringing up the subject with her.

'How do you mean?' asked Naomi, clearly puzzled by the question but at the same time intrigued and curious as to what on earth could have prompted it. This wasn't the standard basic, animalistic, sexist topic of conversation that you normally got from Cook – this promised to be way outside his usual comfort zone. 'Are you trying to say that although you come across as some pathetic macho man who would shag any female as long as they were alive and breathing, you secretly feel more like a girl and fancy guys instead?'

'Not exactly…. although you're not a million miles away from the truth in an odd sort of way.'

'Go on, Cook. This promises to be hilarious. Unless you're even more wasted than I am.'

Just as Emily was on the point of trying to go into a bit more detail about her situation there was the sound of shouting behind them and when they turned round they saw Katie standing in the front doorway glaring at them.

'I thought you were getting the wine, lezza! And what the fuck are you doing here, Cook? This is a girl thing, you're not invited. Piss off.'

Naomi sighed in exasperation and muttered an expletive under her breath. She held out the half empty bottle of wine and said 'Here, take it. I don't want any more, anyway. And by the way, seeing as you still haven't got the message, _I'm _not the lesbian around here, OK?'

'Yeah, whatever. Just give us the fucking wine, will you?' Katie walked over towards the blonde and practically snatched the bottle out of her hand whilst looking with a bemused expression at the two of them sitting beside one another. 'This all looks very cosy but you're wasting your time with her, Cook. She's not into guys, you know.'

'Why don't you go fuck yourself, Katie? From what I hear you must be the only one who hasn't!'

Naomi had finally tired of Katie's constant little jibes and digs at her sexuality and decided to turn the tables on the nauseating slut who, in Naomi's view, would sleep with anyone if she thought it would improve her self-image and increase her standing and popularity with her peers.

'Fuck off yourself, you disgusting dyke! And stay away from my sister! You lay one finger on her again and I'll…'

Naomi stood up and advanced upon Katie with blazing eyes and the sound of genuine menace in her voice. 'You'll do what?'

Emily sprang to her feet in anxiety and ran over to the two girls who were now squaring up to each other like a couple of prize boxers at the pre-fight weigh-in. They were virtually nose to nose and eyeing each other with equal resentment and loathing.

'Stop it the pair of you! This is supposed to be a party for Pandora. You're both acting like a couple of kids.'

'No-one keeps on calling me a dyke and gets away with it,' said Naomi, who had the capacity, by virtue of her height advantage over most girls, to occasionally look quite threatening and gave the illusion of towering over the far smaller Katie. Katie was in no mood to take a backward step, however, and refused to be intimidated by the taller girl. Fired up by the drug-filled brownies she had greedily tucked into that afternoon, she felt the anger at Naomi's well judged insults rising within her and her hackles were well and truly up.

The notoriously heterosexual twin pushed Naomi away from her, shouting 'Get out of my face, lezza!' to which the blonde responded in kind, pushing the redhead back and threatening to follow that up with a more violent shove. Emily tried to get in between the two girls and push them apart but neither was taking any notice of her, although with her newly acquired greater physical strength she could have fairly easily held them off.

'Keep out of this Cook. It's none of your business. This is between me and this fucking cow,' yelled Katie without taking her eyes off Naomi.

Emily couldn't say for certain whether a full scale catfight would inevitably have broken out between the two warring girls if they hadn't been so fortuitously interrupted right at that moment. But there's no doubt that the sudden arrival on to the scene of Danny and all his football team mates, complete with their Stepford Wife girlfriends, roaring up the street in their posy motors and screeching to a halt outside the block of houses, provided a much welcome diversion to the events that seemed destined to unfold.

'Katie! We're here, girl! Look, it's the lads!!' Danny flashed a self-satisfied grin and clambered out of his car as he turned round towards the others who were cheering, screaming and beeping their car horns to make the whole neighbourhood aware that the in-crowd had arrived to bring a much needed touch of class to the proceedings.

'Oh shit!!' cried Katie, momentarily taking her eyes off Naomi who was equally taken aback by the sudden appearance of the footballing equivalent of the Adams Family. 'What the fuck are you doing here?' she shouted accusingly at Danny who had come over to her with a big smile and arms stretched out wide in misguided anticipation of a passionate welcome which was never going to be forthcoming in the circumstances.

'This is a private, girls-only party, Danny! I told you that earlier! You're not invited.' Katie had temporarily put to one side her heated argument with Naomi – there would be plenty of time to continue that later, she thought. Danny's arrival presented a far more pressing problem to be dealt with.

'Oh, come on, babe! Have a heart! We lost seven-nil again! The lads need cheering up. Look, they're all here.'

The entire football team piled out of their pseudo-flash cars and followed Danny, who had put his arm round Katie and led her despite her weak protests, which seemed to be falling on deaf ears, through the still open front door and into the house. Within a minute or so the living room was heaving with bodies, all cheering, singing, laughing and shouting.

Having been left alone outside in the front garden, Naomi looked at 'Cook', shrugged her shoulders and said in a voice that was full of resignation, 'I suppose you might as well come in, Cook. The girls-only party seems to have been hijacked.'

Emily looked at the blonde girl and gave her a weak smile. She was still feeling a bit shaky after almost witnessing her twin slug it out toe to toe with Naomi .Her legs were trembling and her heart was racing at the rate of knots, so frightened was she that the two people she cared most about nearly came to blows right before her very eyes, which she would have hated to have witnessed – or in truth have been indirectly the prime cause of!

'I guess I might as well,' she replied. 'Thanks, Naomi. I can't wait to find out what the others have been getting up to.'

'Not a lot, I would imagine. Unless, of course, Emily's gone completely off her head again and dragged Effy off into one of the bedrooms like she did at the club last week.'

Emily's eyes glazed over with horror at Naomi's words which brought back unhappy memories for her and she flew past the blonde and entered the house, desperately looking all around for any sign of 'Emily'. It took her a bit of time to confirm that there was no sign of the redhead in any of the rooms downstairs which were full to bursting with the football crowd who had already made themselves at home and had started drinking their socks off and dancing to the music which was blaring out at full volume.

Emily made for the stairs and tore up them two at a time, unaware of Naomi's bewildered expression following her from down below.

'What's the big deal, Cook?' shouted the blonde after her but she paid no attention for once to what Naomi was saying to her. She just wanted to find Cook and see what he was up to. There didn't seem to be a soul around upstairs at all – there wasn't a sound to be heard coming from behind any of the doors leading off the landing. She tried opening each door in turn, starting with what she assumed were the bedrooms. In the first one she tried she found a woman fast asleep and seemingly dead to the world on the bed who she assumed was Pandora's mother. The second one she looked into was empty but in the third one she met with a sight that sent a chill right through to her very core.

Two girls in pyjamas were crashed out on the bed, snuggled up against one another, each with their head on the other's shoulder, presumably fixed in the position they had occupied before they had lost consciousness. It was Effy and Cook. Emily put her hands to her mouth to suppress a scream and an expletive which almost came out anyway, so distressed and horrified was she by the scene that greeted her eyes. What the fuck had happened here? Had they just crashed out together, too far gone to have been capable of accomplishing anything remotely of a sexual nature? Or had they had sex and she was now witnessing the traditional aftermath? She had to know!

'Cook!' she whispered, not caring how ridiculous that might have appeared to anyone looking on. As there was no response, she tried again only this time she abandoned the idea of whispering and called out his name in a normal voice. 'Cook, you fucking wanker. Are you awake?' Still no response was forthcoming from the redhead sleeping on the bed. However Emily had succeeded in attracting someone's attention – in a big way. Effy's eyes suddenly shot open and the sultry brunette stared ahead of her with big wide eyes at the figure of 'Cook' who was standing at the side of the bed looking down at her.

'Hi Cook,' she said with a smile, but without moving a muscle 'What are you doing here? And why are you talking to yourself?'

'Um………….Hi Effy,' answered Emily in a muffled sort of voice that sounded like it had just been put through a mangle. 'How come you've…. crashed out with Emily? What's been happening?' She held her breath, steeling herself for the answer that she was dreading to hear.

Effy continued to stare up at 'Cook' with a peculiarly enigmatic grin on her face and then she slowly turned her head to gaze in quiet contemplation at 'Emily' who was still silently dozing away next to her.

'Do you know what, Cook? I'm not sure if anything has happened here or not! We'll have to ask Emily what she remembers when she wakes up.'

With that the brunette closed her eyes and almost within seconds, so it seemed, she was fast asleep again, leaving a dumbfounded Emily helpless to do anything but stand and watch the two sleeping beauties. A sudden creaking sound outside the room gave her an almighty start and she hurriedly tiptoed towards the door and popped her head round it to see if there was anyone there. There was no-one to be seen on the landing but she could just make out the shadowy outline of an indistinct figure creeping down the stairs.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily tried to hint to Naomi about her transformation but was interrupted by Katie who had an argument with Naomi during which the two of them nearly came to blows. Danny arrived unexpectedly with his football mates and girlfriends and gate crashed the pyjama party. Emily discovered Cook crashed out on a bed with Effy and suspects someone may have overheard her referring to 'Emily' as Cook.

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When Cook woke up the next morning it was to the mother of all hangovers. As an earth-shattering event in itself this hardly registered on the Richter scale since it was a regular occurrence in his life. In fact a hangover was usually seen by him as acceptable collateral damage and a natural consequence of a bloody good night out. In truth he'd have been more concerned if he hadn't woken up feeling like he'd been hit by a Sherman tank given that he could still vaguely remember spending most of the previous day round Panda's drinking heavily and taking in copious quantities of dope. He couldn't quite remember who he'd bought the stuff from but it must have been seriously good shit because he was feeling well and truly out of it even by his admittedly high levels of tolerance.

He glanced over towards the other bed and realised that he was alone – Katie had either already got up or had never made it back home in the first place. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head in an attempt to clear the mental cobwebs, which was a big mistake as his head immediately started thumping like a drum, causing him to wince in pain. He needed to take some aspirin fast, he thought. A couple of them and he would be as right as rain in no time.

He leaned over the side of the bed and pulled out a few drawers of the bedside cabinet, hoping to find a box or bottle there which would be the answer to his prayers. He sifted through the assorted jumble of stuff which Emily kept close at hand by her bed without finding anything remotely capable of getting rid of a thumping headache. He then saw something in the middle drawer which at first, in his semi-conscious, foggy state of mind, he couldn't quite recognise. But when he bent over further and looked more closely he finally did manage to take in what he had discovered and he burst out laughing, shoulders heaving up and down as a huge smile broke out all over his contorted face.

He curled his fingers around the offending object and pulled it right out of the drawer and examined it in more detail close up. Now he was no expert in such matters, as he would be the first to admit in an unguarded moment, despite his many and varied sexual exploits in recent years, but in his opinion he was holding in his hand a top of the range, state of the art, bright pink, seven inch long vibrator. He examined it with a particularly masculine form of fascination and curiosity, still grinning from ear to ear. He was genuinely surprised by how sleek and streamline its design was and how cold it felt to the touch. He turned it every which way and soon found the mechanism which switched it on and then fell back in his bed laughing even more hysterically as a shrill buzzing sound suddenly filled the previously eerily silent room.

As he sat back looking at the vibrator and listening to the monotone humming sound it was making, he couldn't help thinking how incredibly horny he was feeling right at that moment and he realised that he hadn't had any real sex worthy of the name since his inexplicable transformation into Emily Fitch. A bit of a grope and a fumble with Effy in the toilet in a night club and some very tentative and self-conscious attempts at masturbation when he was alone in bed on a couple of occasions were the sum total of his sexual activities in the last couple of weeks.

That meagre and, for him, wholly unsatisfactory tally represented an all-time personal sexual low, even for such a short period of time. For the last couple of days now he had been experiencing a gradually increasing level of sexual frustration the like of which he had never encountered before since he first became 'sexually active' at the age of fifteen. Even when he hadn't been getting his end away on a regular basis with any female who found sufficient reason to submit to his dubious charms and advances, he had always managed to satisfy his sexual needs in the time-honoured tradition. Here an opportunity had unexpectedly presented itself to him to satisfy his current needs and he was in no mind to look a gift horse in the mouth, or even a gift vibrator. He wasn't quite sure about the 'mouth' bit, though.

He looked again at the impressively sleek piece of machinery which he was holding in his right hand and then slowly brought his other hand underneath the duvet and down towards the area of his crotch. Although he felt extremely horny and turned on, he quickly ascertained that the scene had not quite been properly set for instant self-gratification. The vibrator needed some lubricant -that much was obvious - for it to be able to do its job properly and he couldn't quite bring himself to use the most natural form of lubricant available to him. There was something horrendously embarrassing in his mind about the act of putting the vibrator in his mouth and sucking on it- it just wouldn't have felt natural or right, he thought. That image represented a huge psychological barrier which he wasn't yet emotionally capable of overcoming, though the prospect of _coming over_ the vibrator strangely presented no such mental obstacle for him.

He reasoned quite logically that if the vibrator had been found in the drawer for ease of use, then there had to be half a chance that some accompanying lubricant had to be in the same place – surely the two items went hand in hand, in a manner of speaking. He hunted around frantically in the drawer and soon came across what he was hoping to find – a bottle of sweetly smelling lubricant, perfectly fit for the purpose, as far as he could judge. He opened up the container and emptied a generous helping of the sticky substance on to the vibrator and started applying it up and down the magnificent implement, a task in which he brought all his considerable solo sexual experiences to exceedingly good use.

He had almost finished lubricating the vibrator to his satisfaction when suddenly the door burst open and in strode Katie, a towel wrapped around her head and another covering her torso from her chest to her knees. At the sight of her sister sitting up in bed brazenly applying lubricating oils to a massive-looking, bright pink vibrator, which she wasn't even aware Emily possessed, she stopped dead in her tracks and let out what could only be described as an ear-splitting screech intended to convey reactions of utter disgust, disbelief and embarrassment.

'Jesus Christ!! Fuck!! What the fuck are you doing, you disgusting perv?!'

Cook took one look at her face, where her revulsion at the scene she had unwittingly walked in on was etched all over and burst out into hysterical laughter for the second time that morning.

'What does it look like I'm doing, Katie? Don't tell me you've never seen one of these before, let alone used one!'

'Oh my God, you are revolting, Ems! Have you no shame any more? Do you have no concept of modesty? This is **my** fuckingbedroom as well, you know. I really don't need to walk in to find you wanking first thing in the morning!'

As Cook continued to laugh his head off and show neither signs of embarrassment nor the slightest intention of stopping, never mind apologising for his actions, Katie turned smartly on her bare heels and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Cook watched her leave the room, still chuckling to himself. He was rapidly finding Katie fucking hilarious to be with, she was _so_ easy to wind up and shock.

Clearly he was proving to be a very different 'sister' from the one she was used to sharing a bedroom with. He made a not so educated guess that the two of them couldn't have ever shared boyfriends or swapped sexual experiences with one another like he reckoned a lot of sisters did, or at least the ones he had known certainly did, to a greater or lesser degree. He wondered briefly if Katie was actually all talk and no action. Perhaps she was a virgin, deep down frightened and embarrassed by anything remotely to do with sex on a practical level, but someone who liked giving the impression that she was hugely experienced in the ways of men and with a voracious sexual appetite to match.

He decided he would explore that particular train of thought on another occasion, maybe even attempt to test that eminently plausible theory of Katie as the closet virgin, secretly terrified of sex in all its connotations. Right now he had other things on his mind, to wit a huge, buzzing, now thoroughly moist and throbbing penis substitute which seemed primed and ready for action. He gripped it hard in his left hand and brought it down under the duvet, not caring one iota if Katie was waiting outside for him to abandon any thoughts of self- gratification. He began to apply it, admittedly somewhat gingerly and cautiously to begin with, to the area of his vagina and after a few tentative moments he began to find the right spot on which to concentrate his attentions.

He lay back with one hand casually placed behind his head, resting on a pillow, eyes closed, enjoying the extremely pleasant sensations that the vibrator was producing and idly speculating that if technology continued to develop at the same frightening pace as it had done over the last fifty years, there would eventually be no need for men at all as far as women were concerned – at least in terms of satisfying their sexual needs. This rather disturbing thought was rummaging around in the back of his mind for a place to take root when his increasingly trance-like state of pleasure was rudely shattered into pieces by the sound of a high-pitched yell and the muffled thud of a small boy crashing into the bedroom and onto the floor in an embarrassing heap.

'Ow!!' cried James as he nursed a painful knee which had seemingly taken the full force of his undignified fall from grace. The young Fitch got up quickly however, so anxious was he to get confirmation from much closer quarters of what he thought he had seen and heard from his previous vantage point just outside the bedroom door. He looked across to the bed where a startled Cook had opened his eyes again, stopped probing (surprisingly expertly) his throbbing nether regions and half sat up in bed to see what had happened and who the source of this most unwelcome interruption was.

James' eyes boggled at the sight of his sister apparently fiddling around under the duvet with something that, to his razor-sharp youthful ears and precociously advanced sexual awareness, may have _sounded_ like a swarm of bees buzzing furiously but which was in all probability Emily's huge pink vibrator which he had accidentally come across only the week before.

'Whoa!! You're playing with yourself, bitch! Are you using your pink vibrator? Can I watch?'

James's little face had gone all flushed and pink with understandable excitement and natural burning curiosity and his mouth was wide open, leaving a gap big enough for a whole army of flies to have entered, let alone a swarm of bees. His staring eyes were fixed on the area underneath the duvet from where the only slightly muffled sound of the vibrator was still emanating as Cook had sadly not reacted quickly enough on James' impromptu arrival to turn it off.

'Piss off out of here, you little fucker,' Cook shouted across at James, though not too unkindly, it has to be said, since Cook recognised a naturally curious, pre-teen sexual deviant when he saw one and this young lad standing open-mouthed and boggle-eyed in front of him reminded him of himself when he was that age. If Cook had had any sisters, he could easily imagine he would have been up to similar kinds of mischief at home as James, trying everything to get a close up and personal sight of his first pair of tits and his first fanny.

Instinctively Cook withdrew his hand from under the duvet and threw the still merrily humming vibrator, not with any serious force however, in the general direction of James. The throbbing contraption caught James a glancing blow on the shoulder and he turned away as if to run out of the room, fearing further reprisals from his sister. He was prompted to turn back though and bent down to pick up the pink vibrator to examine it closely with genuine fascination and a sense of child-like awe, holding it carefully by his fingertips as though afraid it might leap out and bite him on the nose.

'Wow, it's fucking amazing! Does it go all the way up your fanny?'

At the sight of 'Emily' threatening to get out of bed and come over and give him another in a long line of right good kickings, James threw the vibrator down on the floor and legged it out of the room, but not before shouting out as a parting shot 'If you hit me I'll tell Mum what you were doing!'

Cook shook his head in amusement and smiled wryly to himself as he got out of bed, went over and picked up the vibrator and hopped back into bed. He had quite a soft spot for James and could easily imagine the youngster made the twins' lives a misery at times with his ever prying eyes and his unquenchable thirst for sexual discovery.

Cook decided that he would have to call a halt to any hope of achieving fulfilment of his carnal urges that morning. The whole family seemed determined to deny him the solitude and privacy he would have wanted and he was half expecting Mrs Fitch to be the next in line to frustrate his intentions.

He was just on the point of returning the vibrator to its original resting place – though it was hard to think of it as ever being in a state of 'rest' as such – when his phone rang. A quick glance told him it was Emily calling and he picked up the call immediately, albeit it with a sense of foreboding and mild irritation. The last few weeks had taught him many things that he would otherwise never have got to know about, one of which was that Emily seldom rang you early in the morning unless she had a bloody good reason and usually it was to have a right go at you for something you'd said or done the night before.

'Hi Emily,' he said. 'What's up?'

'Cook, what the hell happened between you and Effy last night?' She sounded very anxious and it was far from a friendly tone that she was adopting, it seemed to Cook.

'Fuck knows, I was completely out of it by the end of the evening, I guess. I've just woken up with a stonker of a hangover.' But if Cook thought the admission of his current physical and mental fragility would be enough to earn him a degree of sympathy from the former redhead he had made a considerable error of judgement as Emily's next few words proved.

'I don't give a flying fuck about your sore head, Cook. I'm more concerned about whether you woke up with a sore tongue! You must remember if you got off with Effy or not. There's no fucking way you would have forgotten that!'

Cook smiled at Emily's blunt choice of language and imagery. She could easily hold her own with the filthiest and crudest girls he had known in his time, he thought. He realised he was getting to like Emily more and more over these past couple of weeks. Even though he was desperate to have his old identity back as much as he knew Emily was, he suspected he was finding it rather easier to cope with being her than she was being him.

If he was honest with himself he had never been the easiest person to live with and it was no surprise that he had been reduced to living on his own in unremarkable student digs while all his mates had a mostly loving family to fall back on and to look after them. It can't be easy for poor Ems having to make do with a second class kind of existence while he was lording it, comparatively speaking, at the Fitches. He felt sorry for her right then so he tried to make an effort to be helpful and sympathetic to her concerns, despite the fact that he didn't quite understand what they were about.

'I'm sorry, Emily but I really don't know. I suppose you must be right. If I had shagged Effy I'm sure I would have remembered. After all I certainly haven't forgotten our first shag on that first day of term!'

'Jesus Christ, you're a fucking revolting, selfish arsehole, aren't you? You don't give a toss about anyone but yourself. Other people's feelings are of no interest to you, are they?' Emily was at the end of her tether with Cook. She could see that this conversation was going nowhere. Cook was either genuinely too screwed up from the previous night to remember or not sufficiently bothered or interested to tell her what she wanted to know.

'If you're so keen to know what happened, why don't you just ask Effy herself? Anyway why are you so bothered whether we did get it on or not? I thought you were into girls.'

'WHAT??!! I'm sorry? Where did you get that from, Cook?' Emily's heart did a backward somersault then froze stock still. She caught her breath and felt her legs shaking and her knees trembling.

'Well we all know you and Naomi had this thing going on in middle school. Katie told us all about it, remember?'

'Cook…….that was nothing. I was drunk, I'd taken some dope……. so was she. It ……didn't mean……. anything.' Emily's voice gradually tailed away until it became little more than a whisper as the enormity of the lie she was telling became too much for her to handle.

'Hey, look Emily, it doesn't bother me if you're into girls. Seriously. You can tell me.'

Despite the apparent sincerity in his voice Emily had a gut feeling that Cook was possibly the last person she should be revealing her hidden crush on Naomi to. They may have been forced together in some unholy alliance with the devil or have become kindred spirits for having been cruelly manacled to each other in their shared prison sentence but Emily still didn't feel like she could trust Cook with her innermost thoughts and feelings. To her they were still poles apart in the way they looked at life and lived their lives and no amount of superficial sympathy was going to change her view on that.

'Cook, forget it. You're talking bollocks as usual, mixed in with the odd bit of gobshite.' She was just about to hang up when she heard a strange noise in the background which made her stop and listen intently. It was a vaguely familiar sound but one that she couldn't quite identify and it seemed to be coming down the phone from Cook's end.

'What's that noise, Cook? Is that you fucking about?'

There was a slight pause before Cook replied. 'What noise? I can't hear anything. What does it sound like?

'I don't know what it is but it just sounds peculiar. It's like some sort of weird humming sound. It sounds like it's at your end of the line.' It was really bugging her now, the noise seemed **so** familiar but she just couldn't think what it was.

'There are a couple of flies in the room buzzing around making a bit of a row. Maybe that's what you heard.' Cook had his hand practically over his mouth to muffle the sound of his barely controlled sniggering as he increased the speed setting on the buzzing vibrator up to just short of the maximum 'wake up the neighbours' level.

'Whatever. I'll see you around.' Emily hung up on Cook, still infuriated by being unable to unravel the puzzle of the mystery noise in the background which Cook implausibly claimed was the sound of flies in her bedroom. 'Flies my arse!' she thought to herself. 'I bet he's up to something dodgy in there, the fucking twat!'

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	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Cook is interrupted by both Katie and James and foiled in his attempts to get to grips- literally - with Emily's vibrator and relieve his sexual frustrations. Emily interrogates Cook about what happened between him and Effy at Pandora's party but doesn't get any helpful answers from him.

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'Effy, I need to have a word with you about something. Can we go for a coffee?'

The tall, slim, long haired brunette looked at 'Cook' with intense suspicion and not a little astonishment. She briefly considered whether Cook could have made a more unlikely and bizarre request. _Effy, would you like me to write your Shakespeare essay for you?_ Definitely. _Effy, can I take you out to dinner? I know a lovely little restaurant that's just opened that I'd love to take you to_. Possibly. _Effy, I'm sorry I haven't been paying you much attention recently. Will you let me make it up to you?_ What?!

The invitation to watch Cook sitting in a fashionable coffee shop drinking a cappuccino or a latte was just too delicious and hilarious to turn down. Besides, she was curious to find out what he was so obviously anxious to talk to her about. But then Cook had been acting so strangely recently that it could be almost anything, Effy thought.

'OK. What do you want to see me about, Cook?'

'Not here, Effy,' said Emily, relieved that Effy had agreed to her offer. 'I'll tell you when we get there.'

They made their way over to the best coffee shop in town, which had quickly become a favourite haunt for most of the gang, with the notable exception of Cook, of course, who tended to most of his social drinking in the pub. Both were more or less silent during their short journey but both had contrasting thoughts running furiously through their heads. Emily was trying to decide whether to be tactful and carefully probe Effy for details of the previous night or throw caution to the wind and just ask her straight out if she had slept with 'Cook.' Effy was wondering what the reason might be for both Cook and Emily's odd behaviour in the last few weeks, which had not gone unnoticed to a bright, keen observer of human activity such as herself.

The café was only sparsely populated with a few solitary drinkers when they got there and Emily deliberately chose a table way over in the corner, as far away from everyone else as possible. They both ordered coffee, Effy a cappuccino and Emily a skinny latte which caused Effy to raise an eyebrow instinctively in surprise – she wouldn't have imagined Cook would have even _heard _of a skinny latte, let alone order one to drink. The pair were sitting opposite each other and after their order had been taken they stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, Emily with an intense feeling of awkwardness and nervous anticipation and Effy with perfectly controlled curiosity and amusement. Effy had no intention of speaking first and waited patiently for Cook to begin proceedings.

'How was the party last night? Did you all have a good time?'

At the conclusion of her silent deliberations Emily had plumped for the casual, cautious approach to her fact-finding mission, judging that the bull in a china shop option would be more likely to arouse Effy's suspicions. She was worried such a bold, full on approach might lead to Effy holding back on some of the details that she was so desperate to hear about.

Effy smiled almost imperceptibly and looked directly into 'Cook's eyes as she considered the appropriate response to his seemingly innocent questions. She instantly recognised Cook was making a brave attempt to be offhand and casual but could sense, even smell, the deep concern and desperation in his voice. _This is going to be interesting and fun_, she thought. **What **is bugging him so much?'

'It was okay, I suppose. It took a bit of time to get going but…… once the brownies were handed round things started to pick up somewhat.'

'Yeah, I heard what Katie put in them,' said Emily with a nervous laugh. 'So I guess you were all as high as a kite by the end of the evening. I bet you didn't know what was going on half the time.'

'Oh, I always know what I'm doing, Cook. I'm always in control. Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do.'

Emily suspected it was going to prove hard work getting anything substantial out of Effy. The brunette seemed to be deliberately talking in vague, unspecific terms and Emily was struggling to see how she could get to where she wanted to go without being really blunt and personal.

'Do you remember me finding you and Emily crashed out in one of the beds later on in the day?' Emily said with what she hoped was an innocent smile. She had decided she needed to push the conversation into the direction she was interested in. She was taking a chance, she knew full well but she couldn't bear the idea of pussyfooting around with Effy any more. She had to cut to the chase.

Effy made a big show of tilting her head back a bit and screwing up her eyes, as if deep in thought, trying to recall the precise incident which in fact she remembered all too vividly.

'Yes, now you come to mention it, we did end up in bed together at the end of the evening.'

'_In_ bed? How do you mean, Effy? When I saw you both you were lying _on top_ of the bed.' Emily's heart started to flutter and her pulse quickened. She was finding it more difficult to catch her breath yet she was terrified of giving away her anxiety and desperation to the sharp-eyed and street-wise brunette.

'Oh, did I say in bed? I'm sorry, I meant _on_ the bed, of course.' Effy smiled apologetically to Cook whom she was enjoying teasing and tormenting like this. She decided it was time for her to up the ante and try to get some answers to her own questions.

'So…… nothing actually happened between you and Emily, then?' Emily held her breath and tried to control the shaking she felt was invading her whole body as she waited for an answer to the most direct question she had put to Effy so far. Effy looked across at Cook impassively and picked up her cup of coffee to take a few slurps from it before setting it back slowly and deliberately in its saucer

'You know, something odd did happen when you appeared in the room last night. I distinctly remember hearing you call Emily 'Cook'. Now why would you do that, I wonder?' Effy didn't take her eyes off 'Cook' for a second as she threw this lethal curve ball right at him, giving him no opportunity to duck or take any other evasive action.

Emily's heart sank to her boots, faced with the one question she was most afraid Effy would bring up. She had been praying that Effy wouldn't remember that moment when she had thrown caution to the wind in an attempt to wake Cook up. How the fuck was she going to get herself out of this tricky situation? What possible explanation could she give Effy that would sound even vaguely plausible? She couldn't help wondering if Effy was doing this deliberately to freak her out. She had an uncomfortable suspicion that the sultry brunette was toying with her like a spider preying on a fly: she was manipulating her so skilfully and seamlessly that she was being gently lured into her web from which Emily would find no obvious means of escape. It seemed darkly appropriate that Effy was dressed all in black.

'You must have been mistaken, Effy. You were probably off your head at the time or maybe you were having a really strange dream.' It was the best she could come up with in the circumstances but even to her it sounded dreadfully unconvincing.

'Oh I don't think so, Cook. I remember very clearly thinking what an odd thing it was for you to be saying. But then you've been acting very strangely lately anyway.'

'How do you mean, strangely?' Emily was beginning to panic inside, she was sure her discomfort and embarrassment at Effy's probing questions must be obvious to the all-seeing brunette.

'Well, you've hardly said a word to me recently. And when you have, you've seemed like a very different Cook to the one who got to know me so intimately on the first day at college. One might almost say you've been going out of your way to avoid me, Cook.'

Emily felt like she was trapped in a corner. She didn't know what to say and it occurred to her that to say absolutely nothing might be her best tactic. Anything she did say might only make things worse. She might end up digging an even bigger hole for herself. She wanted out of this conversation that was making her feel so exposed and vulnerable. But she knew Effy hadn't finished with her yet.

'You seem to have been spending a lot of time with Naomi recently, haven't you? Is she your next target, your next intended conquest, now that you've ticked my name off your list?'

'No!! I don't know what you mean, Effy. I've……just been trying to be friends with her, that's all. We didn't exactly get off to the best of starts, did we, so I'm just trying to make up for that.'

'Mind you, Emily's another one who's been acting very peculiarly in the last few weeks. In fact the pair of you seem to have become totally different people from who you were at the beginning of term.'

'How do you mean?' Emily was almost on the point of getting up and running out of the shop, so terrified was she by the accuracy of Effy's perceptive observations.

'Well, you used to be so cocky and rude, totally selfish and inconsiderate of other people. Now you come across as a changed man. Emily, on the other hand, used to be so shy and reserved, wouldn't say boo to a goose. Now she's all confident and brash and in your face – almost literally, sometimes. Like last night, perhaps.'

Effy could almost feel Cook's squirming and uncomfortable shuffling around in his seat from where she was sitting. She knew from his reactions that she must be very close to the truth but as to what that truth was, she really couldn't say with any confidence. Had Cook and Emily made some sort of weird pact to behave completely out of character with everyone? But if so, why? What possible motive could this highly unlikely coupling have for carrying out such an elaborate plan together? Something was definitely up, that much was crystal clear to her. There was something very fishy going on with the pair of them but for the life of her she couldn't work out what it was all about.

'I think you're letting your vivid imagination run wild, Effy. I 'm just the same Cook as before. I've just seen the error of my old ways and I've been trying to be a bit nicer, that's all.'

'So you're a leopard trying to change its spots, eh? That takes some believing, Cook.

I'm not sure this new 'you' suits you very well. You don't appear to be very comfortable in your new skin.'

Emily looked up at Effy and couldn't hide the fear in her eyes. She drained the final dregs of her coffee, threw some change onto the table and got up, all flustered and breathless, like she'd been running. In a sense she had been – running away from herself, running for her life. She couldn't take it any more, this excruciatingly painful slow death, this ruthless hatchet job that Effy had been carrying out on her new personality. She mumbled something feeble about being late and having to get back somewhere and practically ran out of the coffee shop, not daring to look behind her in case she saw a triumphant Effy smiling in quiet contentment at her crushing victory.

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At the sound of her mobile ringing Naomi fumbled around in her bag and eventually found her phone. She was surprised to see that it was Cook calling and took the call, whilst resuming her reading of Shakespeare's Hamlet.

'What do you want, Cook?' she asked matter of factly. Naomi wasn't one to routinely express overwhelming joy on getting an unexpected call from someone.

'Hi, Naomi,' said Emily, her voice betraying a certain nervousness and anxiety to anyone who had been listening with rather more intent than the tall blonde right then.

'Are you free right now? You're not doing anything, are you?'

'Only reading Shakespeare. Have you got something better in mind?' She could think of a number of things she'd rather be doing than reading an English textbook but none ordinarily would have involved sharing them with Cook

'I need to talk to you – really urgently. Can we go somewhere?'

'Where?' asked Naomi, only slightly curious.

'Anywhere, you decide. Only, make it somewhere private where we won't be disturbed.' Emily didn't want an audience, whether eavesdropping or not, for what she had in mind.

'What the fuck's with all this cloak and dagger stuff, Cook. This sounds ridiculously melodramatic, even for you.'

Naomi sighed quietly to herself and shook her head in gentle exasperation. Why did people insist in making mountains out of molehills? Like there was anything happening in Cook's life to warrant such a secretive assignation. And why her? Why couldn't he talk to Freddie or JJ like he normally did? _They_ were his best mates, surely if something earth shattering had happened to him they would be the first ones he would want to share it with. How come she had suddenly become his most trusted confidante?

'OK, let's meet up on the green. We'll find a quiet spot somewhere, if it's absolutely necessary. But this had better be good, Cook. You'd better not be wasting my time.'

'Oh, believe me, you're going to want to hear this, Naomi,' said Emily, her heart thumping like the clappers, despite the relief she was feeling that Naomi had agreed to meet up. She had been afraid that she would tell her to fuck off. Maybe that would come later!

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Emily had been pacing up and down on the green for what seemed to her like ages but was probably no more than five minutes. She had tried sitting calmly on the park bench and waiting patiently for Naomi to arrive but she hadn't been able to stay still for any length of time. She was as nervous as a kitten and she felt as if she was going to faint or throw up at any moment. This was a really big decision she had taken and she knew in all probability it would backfire on her badly but she couldn't think what else to do. She was at her wits end and desperately needed to confide in someone or else she was going to explode with all this pent up anguish and frustration.

She was completing her twentieth circuit of the rectangle she had worked out to while away the time when Naomi turned up, blue bag slung casually over her shoulder and piercing blue eyes staring accusingly at Emily as she approached.

'Thanks for coming,' said Emily in a small voice as her throat had turned horribly dry as the moment of truth – the awful, unbelievable truth – had finally dawned.

'So, what's this all about?' asked Naomi, standing just a few feet away from 'Cook' so as to be ready to turn on her heels and disappear back where she came if it turned out to be a complete waste of time.

Naomi could hardly look less interested, thought Emily. She wondered if this was really such a good idea now, seeing the less than charitable mood that Naomi was so obviously in but she gritted her teeth, clenched her fists which she had dug deep down into her pockets and willed herself to start the ball rolling. After taking a deep breath, she began speaking in a trembling voice which didn't exactly help in her efforts to tell her story with conviction and persuasiveness.

'You're probably not going to believe a word I'm about to tell you and I wouldn't blame you if you don't. Frankly, I wouldn't if I were you. It's so ludicrous and fantastic and insane that you're bound to laugh your head off, not believe a word and walk off thinking I've gone completely mad and should be put away in the funny farm.'

'How am I supposed to tell the difference, Cook? Most of what you say is total bullshit and not worth listening to. At least, it used to be. I suppose I have to admit you're nowhere near as bad as you were, but you're still hard work a lot of the time.'

Emily thought she could see an easy way in to telling her story and gratefully seized on the opportunity to get Naomi on board right away.

'There you are! You've already picked up on the gist of it! I'm not the same Cook as I used to be, am I?'

'I've already agreed you've changed – a bit. But what do you want- a fucking round of applause for not being quite such an arsehole as you were a few weeks ago?'

Naomi hoped Cook hadn't just asked her here for a mutual admiration and appreciation session. She had better things to do with her time than to pander to his ego by praising him for being far less of a wanker lately compared to before.

'But haven't you been wondering how that was possible? Hasn't it occurred to you how unlikely it was that the Cook you knew and hated at the start of term could have changed so much in such a short space of time? I mean, it's not really plausible, is it?

Do you really believe someone can change that easily so quickly?'

Naomi looked at Cook for a few moments, silently and thoughtfully. Now she came to think about it, it was fairly odd that he had changed as much as he had done in such a short space of time. She couldn't remember him coming out with any of the usual, sexist, crude, neandethal comments that had been his trademark previously. He had also been noticeably more considerate and kind of late, not stratospherically so compared with all other people but significantly so in comparison with his past performances. He had a point, she supposed, but…so what?

'What exactly are you getting at, Cook? Are you trying to tell me that this has all been some sort of joke or act or something? Something you've been doing for a bet which you've won and you can now go back to being the old loathsome Cook that we love to hate again?' Naomi couldn't think what else Cook could be driving at – it was the only explanation which stacked up, which made some kind of sense out of what he had just been babbling on about.

'No, this is anything but a joke, Naomi. I haven't been able to laugh about anything much for ages. This is all horribly awful and totally unbelievable.' Emily was right on the cusp of revealing the whole truth but having got this far in her argument she was finding the final crucial bit almost impossible to put into words. It was as if they were stuck in her throat and no amount of prompting would force them out into the cold light of day. Would they remain forever a dark secret locked up in the vaults of time?

'What's so awful and unbelievable?' Naomi was losing patience with Cook who seemed to be talking in riddles yet again just like she remembered him doing not that long ago when he wittered on about two personalities living in the same mind or some other bollocks. 'For fuck's sake, I haven't got all day! If you've got something to say, just say it or else I'm leaving!'

Emily closed her eyes as she sensed the tears begin to well up and her whole body felt like it was going to give way under her weight. She breathed loudly and heavily which worried Naomi who could see that 'Cook' was going through untold agonies before her very eyes. She instinctively stepped forward towards 'Cook' and put a reassuring arm on his shoulder to steady him as he looked like he was going to keel over any minute.

'I'm not Cook!' cried Emily in an unrecognisable, almost strangled tone of voice as the tears now came gushing down her face, totally unchecked.

'What?!' laughed Naomi, her eyes wide open in disbelief, unable to take her companion's desperate admission seriously, but dumbfounded all the same to see the self-styled hard man of Roundview College weeping openly like a baby in front of her.

'I'm not Cook, Naomi' repeated Emily, as her whole body was suddenly overcome by the huge sobs which she could do nothing to prevent shuddering through her entire being.

'Who are you, then?' indulged Naomi, despite realising how utterly ludicrous her question sounded to her own ears.

'I'm EMILY!' she sobbed and she fell down on her knees on the grass, holding her head in her hands. After a few moments of stunned silence between the two 'girls' when the only sound that could be heard was that of Emily's pitiful crying, Emily lifted her head up and looked at a plainly confused and disbelieving Naomi who had remained motionless during this confession, unable to do anything more than stare through uncomprehending eyes at the distressed young man.

'If I _am_ Cook, well then, I've never once asked you to do anything for me before, have I? Naomi shook her head in complete silence and wondered what the hell was coming next.

'Well, I'm asking you for the first time in my whole life to do this one thing for me. Just believe me!!' PLEASE! I'm NOT Cook, I'm Emily and I need you to believe me!

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	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily meets up with Effy to try to find out if Effy slept with 'Emily' at Panda's pyjama party but ends up none the wiser and leaves feeling very uncomfortable under Effy's own subtle questioning. She then asks Naomi to meet up with her and eventually confesses to Naomi her true identity.

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'Can you hear yourself, Cook?' replied Naomi, shaking her head in total amazement. 'Are you seriously asking me to believe that you're not really Cook at all but actually Emily? What stuff are you taking? Because whatever it is, I think you should give it up fast. It clearly has some powerful and dangerous side-effects! Like, it fucks up your mind!'

'I _know_ it sounds totally fucked up,' sobbed Emily, slowly getting to her feet. 'It still seems ridiculous even to me and I've had to live with this for the last few weeks. But it's the truth, honestly. Why would I make up something like that?'

'Well, that's a very good question, I have to admit. I can't for the life of me think why you would want to pretend you're somebody else, least of all Cook. But I'm sure you must have your reasons.'

Emily stood with her hands outstretched, almost beseeching Naomi to think of a valid reason why she might want to concoct such a fantastic story. Emily knew it would be bloody hard to convince anyone to believe her but standing there in front of Naomi, tears still running down her cheeks, feeling more alone than she'd ever felt in her whole life, she couldn't think of one way of proving the truth of her sad and desperate plight.

'There are no reasons because I'm not pretending. I _am_ Emily. I wish to God I could prove it to you. And the person you've thought has been Emily in the last few weeks is actually Cook.'

Naomi couldn't stop herself bursting out laughing despite the utterly dejected look on Cook's face. She had to give Cook some credit, she thought. She never knew he had any acting ability in him. She didn't know how he had made himself cry like that but she had to admit it was impressive – maybe he had taken something which released the tears out of his eye ducts, maybe he had pulled off some sleight of hand when she wasn't looking. However he had managed it, she was impressed. This was some performance.

'So, Emily's part of this little charade as well, is she? How did you manage to persuade her to go along with your strange little game?'

Emily let out a huge sigh and tried to wipe away the tears with the back of her hand. She was at a loss as to what to say to convince the tall blonde that she was telling the truth. Maybe her best tactic would be to try to persuade Naomi to take part in the 'game' that she assumed it must be and see if she could help her to convince herself.

'Ok, Naomi, you tell me, what would possibly convince you that I'm telling the truth? You name it and I'll try and prove it. Test me on anything you like. Ask me something that Cook couldn't possibly know the answer to, only Emily.'

Naomi smiled at 'Cook' and felt almost sorry for him. Clearly he hadn't thought this part through very well which was only to be expected – he wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box, after all.

'How will that prove anything, Cook? If you and Emily have planned this whole thing between you, I would imagine you would have primed each other on some important facts about yourselves which you could easily trot out if you needed to. That's not going to prove a thing! Nice try, though.'

Naomi gave a slight snigger as she turned to leave, judging that Cook's little game had wasted enough of her time, amusing and interesting as it had proved to be for a few minutes. But enough was enough and it was time to bring this farce to a halt.

'No! Please don't go, Naomi! You're my only hope. I couldn't tell anyone else but you. If you don't believe me, then no-one else will! I'm desperate!

'You certainly are if you seriously thought I would fall for this ridiculous story! I can't imagine what you're hoping to achieve by it but it sure hasn't worked!' Naomi's patience had finally worn out and she contemptuously dismissed 'Cook' as she attempted to put an end to what she increasingly saw as a pointless and futile bit of piss-taking.

Emily was thinking furiously, frantically of something that Cook couldn't know about Naomi that only she would, anything just to stop the blonde in her tracks and make her wonder, make her question for a second or two the validity of her opinion on the story she'd just heard.

'Wait! ……Okay, try this. When you left Kayleigh's engagement party early on the night of Cook's birthday I came after you, didn't I? I said to you 'Don't go' and when you asked me 'Why not' I replied 'I don't know' and then you said to me '_Why does your sister think__ I'm__ gay?_' Now, how would Cook know all that? Do you really think Emily would have wanted to tell him your conversation word for word when it was all about……well, you know what you were implying then, don't you?'

Naomi stared at Emily in silence, shocked. She couldn't believe Cook had been able to repeat word for word the conversation she remembered having with Emily that night. And she knew that those were indeed the very words each of them had said to one another. For some reason that conversation had stayed in her memory very vividly even though it was a couple of weeks ago. _What the fuck was going on here_? she said to herself. _Why the hell would Emily have revealed such an embarrassing conversation to Cook, of all people?_ _But obviously she must have done, mustn't she?_ _**Because the only other explanation was too ludicrous and laughable to contemplate!**_

But it was with a noticeably reduced sense of conviction and irritation that she responded to Emily's bold attempt to force her to reassess her point of view.

'Look, I don't know what game you're trying to play here, Cook, but I'm not taking part, okay? Find some other idiot to string along, alright? I'll catch up with you later……..Emily!' She giggled as she turned away and left a miserable Emily standing forlornly and helplessly alone, not knowing what to do next.

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When the final class had finished for the morning Naomi sought out Effy as all the students were filing out of the classroom and chattering away to each other. There was something nagging away in the back of her mind that she wanted to test out with the elegant brunette at the earliest opportunity.

'Have you got a minute, Effy?' she asked and Effy nodded and joined the equally tall and slim girl as she started slowly walking down the corridor, pulling away to one side from all the other students so they could speak relatively privately.

'What's up?' asked Effy, intrigued by Naomi's not overly subtle attempts at getting her alone.

'I need to ask you something – confidentially. I d rather you didn't breathe a word of this to anyone. Have you noticed Cook acting a bit strangely recently?'

Effy looked at Naomi silently for a few seconds and, after seeming to weigh up in her mind just how far to answer Naomi's question, gave her considered response.

'Yes, he has been acting a bit strange, I've thought that for quite a while now – compared to the Cook we all saw in the first few weeks of term, that is.'

'What do you reckon has caused that? Have you got any ideas?'

Effy pursed her lips as she narrowed her eyes for a moment and then shook her head. 'Not really. He just seems to be much quieter and nothing like as cocky and arrogant as he was to begin with. It's almost like he's a different person from the guy we got to know from the very first day.'

Naomi frowned slightly at Effy's use of the expression 'a different person' and Effy's ever sharp eyes picked up on this facial reaction as quick as lightening. She had wondered if anyone else had been experiencing similar suspicions about Cook recently and wasn't surprised it had turned out to be Naomi. Effy had quite a high regard for the blonde girl even though she had only known her a relatively short while. She sensed in Naomi someone not unlike herself – a keen awareness of what was going on around her and not someone who had the wool pulled over her eyes easily.

'Why do you ask? Has it struck you as well? What do you know about it?'

'I just sense something's not quite right with him but I can't put my finger on what exactly. He does seem to have changed and I can't really believe it's because he's taken any criticism any board and decided to do something about it.'

'Very unlikely, I'd say,' agreed Effy with a half smile at Naomi who reciprocated wryly. 'But he's not the only one who's been acting very differently recently.'

'No? Who else, then?' Naomi was tempted to suggest a name but didn't dare. She didn't want to influence Effy in any way; she wanted to hear her own original thoughts without being swayed any particular way by anything Naomi might say.

'Emily, of course. You mean to say you haven't noticed? I mean, in the first few weeks she was all over you like a rash, it was really sweet, you know.'

Naomi visibly blushed at Effy's mention of Emily's barely concealed attentions right from the first day of term and opened her mouth to protest but Effy ignored her and continued regardless. 'But recently she's not really come anywhere near you, has she? She's been spending much more time hanging around with me, if anything, unlike Cook And she's been louder, more confident, more assertive than she ever was at the start. She's almost been as brash as Katie and that's saying something!'

Naomi instinctively sensed that Effy was spot on with her concise observations on the recent behaviour of both Cook and Emily without even having to stop to consider them. She was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable and almost something approaching scared about the incoherent thoughts that were beginning to form in her mind. She didn't know whether to share them with Effy or not. She liked the girl but she still had trouble reading her as well as she was accustomed to reading other people. The usually silent brunette had an enigmatic and mysterious quality to her that made it almost impossible to guess what she might be thinking and feeling. Naomi didn't want to reveal her fears and doubts at this early stage to someone as cool and detached emotionally as her.

'Yeah, she has been acting a bit odd, I suppose. But then, living with a complete bitch like Katie might be enough to send anyone off the rails, surely?'

Effy laughed and exchanged a knowing look with Naomi. 'You two aren't destined to become great friends, are you?'

'Unlikely,' grinned Naomi, pulling a face which suggested the thought appalled her, which it did. 'I think there's more chance of me becoming friends with Cook than with her.'

'Oh, I shouldn't be at all surprised at that, Naomi,' replied Effy with another of her outwardly impassive yet somehow meaningful facial expressions which seemed to suggest so much more than her words.

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Naomi had been deep in thought for some considerable time. She had managed to find a quiet corner of the college all to herself and had been dissecting the conversations she'd had with Cook and Effy that day with a fine tooth comb. She had also been trying to recall all the incidents she had witnessed involving the two of them in the last few weeks and had been re-examining every word, every action, even every gesture to see if Cook's ridiculous story could be given even the minutest credence.

People did change, she knew that, but normally it only ever happened over a longer period of time and more often than not after a well publicised bout of introspection, soul-searching and navel-gazing designed to make oneself a better, happier and more likeable person. Whilst Cook could certainly have done with such a rapid and startling transformation to make his previously overbearing and odious personality more tolerable, Naomi failed to see why Emily would have wanted to change in so dramatic a manner. It wasn't as if she wasn't liked by everyone beforehand. In fact it was her very sweetness, her charming shyness and obvious domination by her mouthy, bitchy twin that had made the gang warm to her so readily right from the start. Why on earth would she want to abandon that for something more akin to Katie – or Cook for that matter!

Jesus! Every time she tried to consider each of them in turn she kept coming back almost irresistibly to the other one! This whole thing was beginning to really freak her out, she thought. What Cook had said earlier was complete and utter bollocks, of course it was, but what the hell could be the reason for his extraordinary fabrication? After a bit more quiet contemplation Naomi knew she had to speak to Emily before she could finally dismiss Cook's absurd notion once and for all.

She waited until the end of school for the day to seek out Emily who, she couldn't help noticing with consternation, was busy talking to Freddie and JJ as soon as class had finished, with Cook hanging around them, ever so slightly on the periphery and looking as miserable as sin. 'Hi guys,' she said with a smile as she joined them outside the classroom. 'What are you all up to tonight?'

'Nothing much,' said Freddie, with a shrug. 'We might go to the pub for a swift pint or two later on.'

'Well, I was thinking of asking Emily to come for a coffee with me now. There's something I want to pick her brains about on the Hamlet essay we've got to write. Coming, Emily?' Naomi smiled sweetly at 'Emily' who looked rather nonplussed by the blonde's unexpected invitation.

'Um…..well, um…..' stuttered Cook, hesitantly, clearly taken aback and uncertain as to how to respond. He looked at Emily as casually and secretively as possible for a sign as to whether he should accept and seeing no reaction from the disconsolate and mute redhead, he accepted in what could best be described as a lukewarm manner.

'Good,' said Naomi as she steered 'Emily' away from the others and they headed down the corridor and towards the front entrance to the building. Her heart was starting to beat a little faster than normal and her footsteps quickened as she hurried to get out of college as fast as possible, fearing that someone else might catch up with them and ruin her plans for a quiet little chat together.

'Why do you want to speak to me about Hamlet, Emily?' asked Cook with a puzzled look on his face. 'I don't understand what the fuck the play's all about. I was hoping to ask you if you could explain it to me, actually.'

'I don't, Emily, I just wanted an excuse to get you on your own, I need to talk to you about something.'

Cook stared at the blonde girl with a mixture of bewilderment and interest. He had the strangest feeling that something big had happened that day but couldn't work out what it was. He could tell that Emily was in a state of considerable distress although she had tried very hard not to show it during the day. He had found that he had got quite adept at picking out Emily's mood swings since fate had dealt them their appalling hand – the increased amount of time they had necessarily spent together, often alone, had helped him to understand the redhead infinitely better than he would have done otherwise. He had tried to get her to tell him what was upsetting her but she had completely clammed up, going all silent on him. But he knew it was something important. Maybe he was going to find out now.

'I just wanted to know why you've been avoiding me ever since Cook's party. Was it something I said that night?' She looked at 'Emily' full on, forcing 'her' to confront her gaze which, although not accusing, was piercing and demanding of an instant explanation.

'No, of course not. Why should I be avoiding you?' Cook reckoned he would have to think fast on his feet here and, if at all possible, be as vague and woolly as he could without arousing her suspicions unduly. He had no idea what had gone on between the girls that night and so would have to waffle as best he could.

'Don't you remember what we said when I left the party, then?'

'Not really. But I'd had a bit to drink by then, hadn't I? We all had, I seem to remember.'

'Not me. I left pretty early, actually. You hadn't drunk much then either. We were both fairly sober.'

'Well, I don't remember much about that night anyway. It all got pretty crazy in the end, what with Cook getting into a fight with Johnny White.' Cook did his best to divert the focus of their conversation away from Emily and Naomi but without success. Naomi was not one for being distracted when her mind was set fair on a particular course. She brushed aside his feeble attempts at a smokescreen and returned to the subject of their conversation outside the party.

'What was I wearing that day, Emily?'

Cook looked at the platinum blonde blankly and heaved a heavy sigh as he pretended to cast his mind back to the evening in question. Unsurprisingly for a teenage guy, he hadn't got a fucking clue what she'd been wearing. If she had turned up that day with her tits hanging out of a low cut blouse and a skirt so short her arse was practically on full display, then there might have been half a chance he would have remembered what she had been wearing to have afforded the guys such a spectacular view of her magnificent body.

'I can't remember, Naomi. Sorry. I know you looked nice in it, though, whatever it was. I remember thinking 'why didn't I come in something like that?'

Naomi's face dropped like a stone as she listened to Cook's utterly feeble and thoroughly unconvincing response to her perfectly reasonable and hardly difficult question which any normal girl would have been expected to answer fairly accurately. She felt more worried, uneasy and frightened than at any time during the course of that day. What was happening right then defied any logical and rational explanation. She would give it one last try because she refused to believe the alternative theory unless she had exhausted all other possibilities – and even then she would need to crawl into a remote, dark corner and not come out until she was one hundred percent sure of her own sanity.

'Look, Emily, you might as well come clean. Cook's already admitted it. He's told me all about this hilarious joke the two of you have been trying to play on us all these past few weeks, pretending to have taken on each other's personalities. But the game's up now. You can stop acting.'

Cook stared at Naomi in disbelief and she could see the wild panic and uncertainty in his eyes He didn't think for one second that Emily would have come up with a cover story like that but he didn't know whether he should refute it and tell her the truth. What had Emily really said, if anything to Naomi? He wished he knew. How was he going to get out of this sticky situation? He obviously didn't want to fuck things up for Emily, but what the hell was he supposed to say?

He was on the point of opening his mouth in a further futile attempt to blag his way out of the hole he was in once more when he was fortuitously saved in the nick of time by the sound of Katie shouting out Emily's name at the top of her voice. Both of them turned round to see Emily's twin waving frantically from Danny's car and beckoning 'Emily' to come over. Cook eagerly grabbed the opportunity to escape from Naomi's clutches, excusing himself hurriedly from Naomi with almost indecent haste and racing over to Katie and Danny.

Within seconds he had jumped into the back of Danny's car and, with a shrug of the shoulders to suggest to the blonde that he had no option but to go with his sister, he waved a relieved goodbye as the car sped away and out of Naomi's sight within next to no time, leaving the blonde standing hugely frustrated at the side of the road.

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**Author's Message**

This chapter has proved to be the most difficult one for me to write in this story for a variety of reasons – maybe the absence of much humour for once has made it particularly tricky to capture the right mood. Even now I'm far from completely satisfied with it but rather than delay it any further I have decided to release it anyway and face up to any adverse comments I might get with good grace! All reviews will be gratefully received, as always.

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	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Emily fails to convince Naomi that she is really Emily in Cook's body. Naomi seeks out both Effy and 'Emily' to talk about Emily and Cook's recent strange behaviour but is thwarted on both occasions in finding out answers to all the questions she has. .

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So what the fuck's going on?' asked Cook as he leant back in his seat in the back of Danny's rapidly speeding pseudo sports car, very relieved to have been given an unexpected but very welcome escape route from Naomi's increasingly awkward Spanish inquisition.

'Danny's dropping us off at home. We've got half an hour to get ready before he'll come back and pick us up,' said Katie, turning round to look at her sister from the front seat next to Danny. Britain's next Wayne Rooney, leaving aside the other five thousand or so better footballers in between, was really putting his foot down, despite having one eye on Katie's skirt up which his left hand had already disappeared and was stroking Katie's bare thigh.

'Get ready for what?' asked Cook, smiling to himself as he clocked Danny's not so subtle hand movements. He had to admire the guy's barefaced cheek, he thought, as well as his total lack of embarrassment and self-consciousness at groping his girlfriend in front of anyone else.

'The lads are having a birthday party at the football club for one of the guys,' explained Katie. 'We've both been invited and you're coming. I don't want any arguments about it this time.' She neglected to say that their mother had insisted that Katie took Emily with her, feeling it was high time the younger twin got herself a boyfriend.

'Sounds great. Count me in,' said Cook, remembering the seriously tasty looking birds he had briefly got acquainted with at Panda's party not that long ago. This could be an interesting evening, he thought. Katie was amazed to hear her sister sound so enthusiastic about a night out with the footy crowd. On the last occasion she had the devil's own job trying to persuade her sister to come with her to one of their parties. What had caused such a startling change in attitude, she wondered as she looked at 'Emily' with a puzzled expression.

Ten minutes later they were back at home and in their bedroom getting changed into their party gear. At least Katie was getting changed. 'Emily' just seemed to be pfaffing about in the room, making a token gesture of carefully looking through the wardrobe trying to pick out something to wear. In reality Cook was impatiently waiting for Katie to finish before he got ready himself. He still felt terribly uncomfortable and insecure getting ready in front of Katie, fearing her withering criticism and unremitting abuse at his choice of clothes to wear.

'Come on, Em!' shouted Katie in exasperation. 'We haven't got all night, you know! Danny will be here soon and we aren't going to want to wait for you.'

'Its okay, I'll be ready. Keep your fucking hair on.' Cook wondered how on earth Emily managed to put up with such a whingeing cow of a sister. It was just as well she was fairly tidy, he thought, because otherwise she really was the sort of girl you'd want to put in a bin bag and chuck in the river.

'Well, get a move on. I'll be waiting for you downstairs. Be there in ten!' Katie glared at her twin and stormed out of the room in a minor display of frustration and irritation. As soon as Cook was alone he breathed a sigh of relief and quickly moved to put on any old shit he picked at random from the wide choice of colours, styles and fabrics at his disposal. The first thing he did was to take off his bra and throw it on the bed in disgust.

He hated wearing a bra, not surprisingly, as he was far more experienced and at ease at removing them than wearing them. He was doing without one that evening, he had decided and he deliberately selected the lowest cut top he could find – he wasn't even aware it was Katie's not Emily's – to put on over his boobs. That should make Katie's eyes pop out later, he thought as a wicked grin played across his face. And a few others, besides, he muttered out loud. He was determined to make this an evening a lot of people wouldn't forget in a hurry.

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Emily was slumped on her bed feeling utterly miserable, lonely and more suicidal than she had felt since that first morning when she had woken up in Cook's student room when all of a sudden her mobile rang. She raised her head and reached out for the phone to see who was calling, not that she felt like answering it or talking to anyone in the mood she was in. She saw that it was Freddie and was on the point of ignoring it when it seemed like a strange voice in her head was urging her to take the call which she did.

'Hello, Freddie,' she mumbled without any great enthusiasm which Freddie must have detected easily enough.

'What's up, Cook? You sound mega pissed off.'

'I am, Freddie. What do you want? I'm not really in the mood for a chat, you know.' Emily wasn't making any effort to try to persuade him not to make this the briefest of calls.

'Well, maybe this'll cheer you up. JJ's just arrived at my place with some of his Dad's special home made hooch. He's got a shed load of the stuff. Fancy coming over and helping us shift it all?'

Emily had already opened her mouth to decline Freddie's kind offer when she had second thoughts. Why the fuck not? If she stayed any longer on her lonesome in Cook's Godforsaken shithole she would go completely mad and worse might possibly get round to thinking about topping herself like she did that fateful morning a few weeks ago. Maybe what she really needed right then was to have a real skinful, get completely trashed and try to forget who she was and why she had become so unhappy. They say alcohol numbs the brain, she thought and her brain needed numbing desperately.

'Okay,' she mumbled. 'I'll be over as soon as I can,' ringing off abruptly before she could change her mind. The bizarre thought came to her that if she got totally wrecked and passed out like she must have done that last evening as Emily, maybe there was just the slightest of possibilities that she would wake up again as her old self once more. Admittedly in her present mood of pessimism, gloom and dark despair the odds on it happening seemed very small indeed ( a bit like Cook's cock, she couldn't help thinking) but it was worth a try nonetheless, she told herself. Anything was preferable than spending a whole evening on her own in this dingy dungeon of depression.

She forced herself to get up on her feet and get ready for a night in on the piss with the rest of the lads. What more could a girl want for an evening's riveting and sophisticated entertainment?

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Emily's position slumped on her bed in Cook's room, deep in melancholic thought was being mirrored almost exactly by Naomi. She had withdrawn upstairs to her bedroom almost immediately after dinner on the excuse that she loads of work to do, which was true. Only she hadn't even got her books out of her bag, let alone started reading or writing a single, solitary word. She too was lost in intense contemplation about the incredible story that Cook had told her and the various conversations she'd had with Effy and Emily since that extraordinary moment.

She was turning over in her mind for what seemed like the hundredth time everything people had said to her, trying to make sense of it all. She was attempting to piece together the various haphazard snatches of conversation and apparently meaningless and insignificant scraps of evidence from the last few weeks to form a coherent argument either to accept incredulously or dismiss conclusively Cook's outrageous claim that he and Emily had inexplicably swapped places.

Some things Naomi had been forced to recognise as absolute fact and truth, however unpleasant it was to admit hem. Over the last few weeks Cook had seemed a totally different guy to the one she had come to know before. It could not be denied that recently she couldn't remember even once seeing him burp, fart, scratch his balls or come out with any of the trademark boorish, loutish, sexist crap that had so driven her up the wall at the beginning of term. All of those particularly repulsive yet uniquely distinctive character traits had vanished off the face of the earth.

In addition he had come across as much more softly spoken, kind, polite and considerate than he had ever remotely threatened to be previously. She knew she was not alone in having noticed that. He hadn't got totally arseholed on booze or drugs like he used to be regularly in the habit of doing, almost like it was a badge of honour with him He had even stopped being horrible and mean to one of his two best mates, JJ. Gone was the constant teasing, mocking and mild bullying that he used to routinely subject his shy and reticent friend to.

Could he really have been so determined to pull off this bizarre stunt of pretending to have become Emily that he could have sustained such dramatic changes in behaviour for such a long time? Naomi didn't believe he was capable of that – not for such a long time, she was sure of that. Maybe for a few days, to win a stupid bet with someone, but not for this long. What could be so important to him that he could carry it off for so long?

Cook wasn't a devious sort, besides, she thought. She may not have liked him much since that very first day but Naomi recognised the simplicity and honesty of his personality. What you saw was what you got with Cook. You used to know exactly where you stood with him. If he wanted to shag you he would just come straight out and tell, of that she had no doubts. If he called you a tosser it was because he genuinely reckoned you were one. Life was that simple for a simple soul like Cook. This new Cook appeared to be anything but simple. Naomi was confused and baffled beyond belief. Her world had been temporarily rocked and turned upside down by her sudden inability to read someone any more whose character she thought she had nailed completely inside a couple of days.

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The party in the football club lounge had been going for only an hour and a half and already 'Emily' had become the centre of attention, at least for all of the guys there but also for some of the girls too, it had to be said. Almost the second Cook took off his coat to reveal the top half of his body all eyes in the room swivelled round and feasted on the sight of an obviously braless 'Emily' displaying her wares for all the world, or at least all of the Bristol Rovers reserve team, to see.

.

Now 'Emily' could not by any stretch of the imagination be described as being large-breasted, top heavy or the owner of a fulsome set of fun bags. However freed from the natural restrictions of a bra and with the aid of a blouse which plunged halfway down 'her' chest Cook had certainly succeeded in attracting as much attention in five minutes as Emily could ever have hoped, or possibly have not hoped, to achieve in a very large number of years B.C. (before Cook).

Katie naturally and sadly predictably almost had an apoplectic fit when she saw her twin's fashion choice for the evening.

'Em! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Are you trying to look like a complete tart?'

'Well, you've always had a go at me for showing you up by dressing like a total frump. I've decided maybe you're right and I should more effort to look a bit more like you,' said Cook, smiling at everyone and noticing the undivided attention he had instantly commanded simply by removing one article of clothing. Even some of the guy's girlfriends couldn't help staring at his tits as they provocatively jiggled up and down as he deliberately swung to and fro in time to the music that was playing in the background.

'I do not dress like a fucking tart!' cried an outraged and blushing Katie, noticing the admiring glances of all the football team who had quickly gathered to form a circle around 'Emily', totally ignoring their own girlfriends. Even Danny was laughing creepily at the sight of 'Emily' who he hadn't previously given a second glance at. Seething with anger and barely concealed jealousy, Katie elbowed him hard in the ribs in a concerted effort to put a stop to his blatantly lustful perving at her supposedly shy and modest twin. 'Danny! Take your fucking eyes off her boobs! You're supposed to be with me, in case you've forgotten!'

Ribald cheers rang out from the lads who were pissing themselves laughing at Danny being caught out by his girlfriend in the act of eyeing up her sister. Katie dragged Danny away from 'Emily' and continued her whingeing from the other side of the room, eyeing daggers at her sister as she pulled the unfortunate young man away from the ogling crowd.

'Hey, Emily,' said one of the guys, 'you know it's Thommo's birthday we're celebrating? Are you his birthday present?' The rest of the guys laughed and cheered drunkenly again and some of them pushed the birthday boy forward in front of Cook.

Cook laughed and looked at the young guy who was probably only a few years older than himself. 'What do you want for your birthday, then, Thommo?'

A fresh chorus of whistles, cheers, cackles and whoops broke out at Cook's mischievous question and all eyes turned towards Thommo who was gazing hard at 'Emily's still bouncing boobs as Cook started swaying his hips and dancing around in a circle to the rhythmical beat of the music.

'A quick flash of your tits would be the perfect birthday present, Emily,' said Thommo without even a hint of embarrassment or reticence. This was the instant cue for an impromptu burst of singing from the team as they belted out a familiar tune at the top of their collective voices, beautifully in tune and with impeccable timing and harmonies, borne no doubt out of long practice and regular habit.

'Get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads, GET YOUR TITS OUT FOR THE LADS!!!!'

Cook burst out laughing and after seeming to give it a moment's hard thought he quickly lifted up his blouse to give the lads exactly what they had been demanding for a good five or ten seconds before calmly bringing the low cut top back down again. This prompted an outbreak of wild, raucous cheering from all the guys which was so loud it might almost have been heard by Emily as she lay forlornly in Cook's room.

Katie had witnessed her sister's display from over by the bar and was open-mouthed in shock and disbelief that her hitherto shy and reserved sister could have done something so outrageously brazen and out of character But more than anything else though she was fuming that Emily's actions had so completely overshadowed and out staged her. Her twin had taken over from her as the centre of attention which she had always been so used to enjoying and she wasn't taking it very well.

'_Who the fuck does she think she is, the stupid little cow! What the hell is she playing at? I'll have a few choice words to say to her when the fuss has died down_,' she promised herself. '_I'll remind her who's fucking queen around here_.'

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At around the same time as Cook was wowing the football team with his spontaneous topless show, Emily was knocking back her third glass of JJ's Dad's lethal home made hooch, the product of his recent attendance on a Distil Anything evening class. She, JJ and Freddie were slumped in chairs in Freddie's shed where they were slowly and surely getting royally pissed. Well, Emily and Freddie were at least since JJ only had one glass before he pleaded to be excused any more since he said he would almost certainly fall into a coma from which he might never wake up if he had another.

'Come on, Jay,' said Freddie, light-heartedly. 'It'll put hairs on your chest.'

'I've already got five hairs there, actually. I think that's quite enough for someone of my age. Besides, I think a hairy chest is overrated, particular with regard to girls. Most girls I know prefer a smooth chest without any hairs.'

'Jay, you know some pretty weird girls, though, let's be honest,' replied Freddie, shaking his head and looking over at Cook who had been strangely quiet for him, so Freddie thought. Despite her depressed mood Emily couldn't help giggling at that quip from Freddie and was pleased to see that JJ smiled too.

'I guess so,' admitted JJ with a rueful grin. 'Although Emily's nice and she's a bit weird, don't you think?'

Emily sat up when she heard that and looked across at JJ without trying to seem too interested. 'What do you mean, weird, JJ?'

'Oh, I don't mean weird as in freaky or mad or anything like that. I just meant she's a bit……different….you know, from Effy or Katie or even Naomi. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all. I mean she's really sweet and nice and funny and……..not that the other girls aren't all those things as well, coz they are but…..Oh shut the fuck up JJ!'

'Jay, what are you babbling on about?' asked Freddie with a wink at Cook who seemed to have turned a strange colour while JJ was rambling in his inimitable style, showing an alarming sign he could be getting locked on if he wasn't careful. 'Are you saying you fancy Emily?'

'Um……I don't know…..maybe a little bit…..like in a really nice, not quite sexual, unthreatening sort of way……you know, like a brother would……except that would be sick because that would be incest, wouldn't it which isn't legal…….or at least I don't think it is …….except perhaps in certain Far Eastern islands……..'

'JJ! Stop it! That's really making me feel uncomfortable,' cried Emily as she felt her face turn a distinct shade of red and was grateful for the less than perfect lighting in the shed which she hoped didn't make her blushing too obvious.

'Why should JJ's perving over Emily make you uncomfortable, Cook?' Both Freddie and JJ turned to look first at Emily and then each other, both mystified by their mate's odd reaction. Normally Cook would have been laying in to JJ, winding him up something chronic or mocking him for having the audacity to even speculate if any girl could ever fancy him, let alone someone like Emily.

'I didn't mean I felt uncomfortable, really,' backtracked Emily frantically, realising how odd her remark must have sounded. 'I meant that she would probably feel a bit uncomfortable if she heard you say that about her.'

'Why?' asked JJ, a touch disconsolately, dropping his head a fraction towards the ground as if he was too shy to look his amigo in the eyes when he gave his answer.

'Well, because. I think Emily really likes you, JJ, but not in a sexual kind of way at all, you know. More in a good friend kind of way, that's all. I don't think she fancies you, JJ. I'm sorry.'

'Oh. Do you reckon? So you don't think it would be a good idea for me to ask her out, then?'

'No, I don't think it would, JJ .I'm absolutely certain she would decline your very kind offer.' Emily smiled at the young lad who looked very sad and pensive as he mulled over Emily's well chosen but factually accurate words and didn't notice 'Cook' and Freddie exchange knowing looks and half smiles as they shared their genuine sympathy for their mutual friend's disappointment.

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**Author's Message**

The conclusion to this evening will be continued in the next chapter which will follow quite shortly! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to get your comments on it!


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Katie drags 'Emily' to a party with Danny's football mates where 'she' proves to be the centre of attention. 'Cook' is invited to join Freddie and JJ in drinking JJ's Dad's home made hooch during which JJ admits he fancies Emily and wants to ask her out. Naomi stays at home and tries to figure out whether she can believe 'Cook's story about the identity swap.

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Cook was having a whale of a time, in fact he'd go as far as to say it was the best night out he'd had in weeks. He was getting absolutely rat-arsed on the free booze which was being liberally thrown around the party, he'd managed to dive into the ladies (he'd even remembered not to go into the gents this time) for a quick snort of some narcotics he'd got hold of from one of the guys and he was enjoying being the centre of attention. It was just like old times for him.

He wasn't particularly loving all the groping and pawing he was getting from the lads in the football team and on more than one occasion he'd had to give someone a bit of a slap for trying to grope his boobs and fondle his arse. They all took it in good spirit, however, accepting that it was just part of the normal game they were used to playing with any good looking girl they tried it on with. But it was the wags that he was doing his utmost to hit on and he reckoned he was on to a good thing with one or two of them. Particularly the cracking blonde piece he had been busy chatting to for the last half an hour.

'So, which one did you say is your bloke again?' he asked her as they stood over by the bar drinking and watching people on the makeshift dance floor stagger and stumble around like they were at an epileptics convention.

'That tosser over there,' she said with a face like thunder as she pointed at some guy who had his hands all over the backside of the girl he was attempting to dance with, whilst desperately trying to avoid falling flat on his face.

'He seems to be busy with someone else, doesn't he, babe?' said Cook with a wry grin. 'Maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine, eh? What do you reckon?'

'If there was anyone half decent here, I would, Emily. But just look at them. They're all a bunch of useless, jumped up, brain-dead wankers. None of them are any better in bed than they are at football. Trust me, I should know, I've been through a few of them. They're all a fucking waste of space.'

'Well, maybe you should start thinking outside the box, you know. I think you need to try something a bit different.' Cook grinned broadly at the tall, slim blonde with huge tits and flashing white teeth and he raised a delicate eyebrow suggestively.

'How do you mean, Emily?' asked the girl, smiling shyly as she tossed her long hair nervously back, not quite following the redhead's drift.

'Well, if the blokes here are not worth the effort, then perhaps you should give one of the girls a go, you know? You might be surprised at one or two of them, babe.' Cook took a long gulp of his drink and licked his lips slowly as the cool refreshing liquid dribbled slightly around his mouth. He smiled and winked at the blonde who watched the redhead open-mouthed in astonishment as the full significance of Cook's outrageous suggestion slowly dawned on her far from overactive brain.

'Emily!! What are you like?! Are you serious?' she cried in a high pitched squeal which made several of the guys look over towards the pair of them briefly before they turned back to resume their own sad, predictable advances with the current sex object of their choice.

'Of course I am, babe. How about it, then? What say you and me disappear from this party for a while and find somewhere private, eh?' He smiled at the blonde as he gently and surreptitiously slipped a hand up the girl's short skirt and started softly and expertly caressing her thigh, causing her instantly to let out a half stifled gasp of pleasure. Her big, heavily made up eyes glanced around the room, frantically looking to see if anyone had noticed what 'Emily' was doing but everyone seemed to be heavily preoccupied with their own groping, pawing and mauling to take too much notice of them.

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Emily was very well aware she was getting extremely pissed but had neither the will-power nor the inclination to do anything about it. Somehow she had convinced herself that the only way of getting out of the deep melancholy she had fallen into since Naomi had refused to believe her story was to get monumentally drunk so she could blot out the painful memory of her despair from her mind.

After about the third glass she was feeling seriously merry and now that she was on her fifth she was on the verge of losing all self-control and lucidity. She was also bursting for a pee and didn't know what to do. She was terrified that if she tried to get up to go in the house she would fall flat on her face after only a few steps towards the door. The shed was just starting to spin a little and she was having difficulty focusing on the two boys.

'Are you okay, Cook?' asked Freddie, surprised at how relatively quiet his normally talkative and loudest best mate had been since he had arrived. He was puzzled as to why the only topic of conversation that had seemed to drag him out of his shell had been when JJ had spoken about his feelings for Emily. Why should that interest Cook so much whereas everything else had largely appeared to wash over his head?

'I'm fine, Freddie,' replied Emily in a slightly unsteady voice, opening her eyes again to discover to her dismay that the shed still seemed to be gently spinning round. 'Never felt better,' she lied unashamedly.

'Jesus, I need a slash, ' said Freddie, turning his head towards a sober JJ who was sitting quite happily drinking his mango juice which he had brought along with him to keep the others company while they were knocking back the hard stuff. 'JJ, pass me the bottle, it's just behind you. I can't be arsed to go inside.'

JJ looked around behind his armchair and saw the large container within easy reach. Stretching out his arms he succeeded in grabbing the virtually empty customised piss-pot and passed it over to Freddie who took it from him, stood up, not without a certain degree of difficulty, and proceeded to move towards the back of the shed.

'_Oh God_,' thought Emily, '_he really is going to take a pee in it' _and she immediately shut her eyes tight so that the enduring image of Freddie having a slash just a few feet away from her, albeit with his back to her, would not be forever etched on her brain. The low groan that Freddie let out as he started to relieve himself of what was clearly a considerable amount of liquid pressure on his bladder did not exactly add to the quality of Emily's experience.

'Are you sure you're okay, Cook?' asked a concerned JJ who had noticed his mate wincing and shutting his eyes tightly. He too had thought it strange that for once Cook had allowed he and Freddie to make most of the conversation when usually it was Cook who dominated it and lead the way.

'Yes, I'm fine JJ. I'm just a bit tired, that's all. Plus, this stuff is pretty potent,' said Emily not untruthfully this time, only opening her eyes again when she heard Freddie coming back to them, holding the marginally fuller plastic container which he then put down behind his chair, mercifully out of her sight. The pain in her own bladder was beginning to reach painfully uncomfortable proportions and she knew that soon she would have a big decision to make.

'So how are things between you and Effy,' asked Freddie looking at 'Cook' with a totally blank expression which he hoped would camouflage the nervousness he felt as he put the question as casually as he could..

'I haven't really seen that much of her lately,' replied Emily, as she shifted position in her chair and tried to take her mind off her discomfort by concentrating really hard on what Freddie was saying. 'Why do you ask? Do you _really_ fancy her?'

'I don't know. Maybe,' answered Freddie cagily and he stared at his friend to observe closely his reaction. He didn't dare hope that Cook would tell him that the way was clear for him to move in on Effy. Besides, there was the little matter of Cook having had his way with the beautiful brunette already – Freddie wasn't sure how he felt about following on in Cook's immediate footsteps or, rather, his dick. There was something a bit tacky and messy about that in his mind. '_Damn him_!' he thought_. Cook always manages to screw things up for everyone around him somehow._

'Well, I'm not going to stand in your way if you want to get to know her, Freddie. I'm not interested in her like that, honestly. You go ahead if you're keen on her.' Despite the rapidly increasing unbearable pain in her groin, Emily couldn't suppress a small, inward smile as she pictured Cook's ballistic reaction when she told him she had given Freddie the green light to move in on Effy who she knew he still fancied the arse off. That would serve him right, she thought, for the numerous times he had already embarrassed her these past few weeks.

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Naomi woke up with a start and it took her a few seconds to realise that it must have been the sound of her Mum knocking on the door and calling her name that had interrupted her deep sleep.

'Naomi!' called her mother, still lightly tapping on the door until an irritated and rather dishevelled Naomi answered with her customary sharpness and bluntness.

'What?!'

The door opened slowly and Naomi's mother peered anxiously around it as she looked across at her daughter who had sat up on her bed and was rubbing her eyes.

'I'm sorry, love. Did I wake you? I didn't know you were asleep. Are you alright?'

'I'm fine! Or at least I was until you woke me up!' Naomi never made any special allowances for her mother in terms of speaking to her any differently to how she would have spoken to anyone else who had pissed her off or wound her up. To her mind her mother was just yet another person whose sole purpose seemed to be to make her life a misery and to get in the way of what she really wanted – which was just to be left alone most of the time. She would also rather die than ever tell her Mum what was on her mind.

'Only you've hardly said a word since you came back home and it seemed like you couldn't wait to get away after dinner. I wondered if something was on your mind or if you were upset about anything.'

Gina always ignored or made excuses for her daughter's brusque, somewhat charmless manner. She had grown accustomed to it over the last few years and put it down largely to Naomi losing her father at such a young age. Such a traumatic break up to a marriage had been bound to have an effect on a young girl and the fact that her daughter had become progressively more withdrawn and isolated from others of her age had come as no surprise to her.

'No! Now, unless you've got any more questions, could you just leave me alone? Or is it too much to ask for to get some fucking peace and quiet in my own house for once?' Naomi was annoyed with herself for having fallen asleep while she had been desperately trying to make sense of the Cook and Emily riddle and naturally enough was taking her irritation out on her mother. '_Well, who else is there?'_ she thought.

'Okay, love. I'll leave you in peace,' smiled Gina at which precise point, and with delicious irony, all hell seemed to break loose downstairs as raised voices and what could generously be described as heavy industrial language filled the house and prompted Gina to turn round quickly in genuine concern and go running downstairs to see what all the fuss was.

Naomi let out a scream of anger and frustration and decided she couldn't bear to stay in this hell-hole a minute longer. She had to get out of the house for the sake of her own sanity so she grabbed her coat, picked up her bag and marched off down the stairs, still cursing and fuming. As she stormed out of the house she roughly and unapologetically barged her way through and past two members of the hippy community who were having a blazing row in the hallway and whom her mother was doing her best to placate. Naomi paused only briefly to ask them if they wouldn't mind awfully fucking off out of her house and being complete dickheads somewhere else.

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It was just Cook's luck, of course, that he had to have picked out a screamer. Of all the girls at the party he could have chosen to make a play for, he happened to have picked the one who made the loudest noise when she came. Now ordinarily he wouldn't have cared less. In fact normally the louder the girl screamed when he shagged her the more it aroused him and fuelled his innate self-confidence that he was the ultimate Casanova of his generation. On this occasion, however, he was fervently wishing that she hadn't made quite such a row when he brought her to the point of no return. He had tried to get her to quieten down a bit but she was too far gone to take any notice of his protestations which, to be fair, he had made whilst laughing his head off.

The cubicle they were in wasn't the biggest and it wasn't the most spacious ladies toilet he had ever seen either. Not that he had many to compare it with although this wasn't the first time he had fucked a girl in the ladies. It was, however, the first time he had gone down on a girl without an accompanying hard-on. He had found that a novel experience, to put it mildly, although he was sincerely hoping he would be able to persuade the blonde – whose name he had already completely forgotten – to return the favour once she had got her breath back.

But he soon realised that the young girl's wild, high pitched, manic screaming, groaning and shouting, which could probably have been heard from some considerable distance away, must have attracted a fair amount of outside attention. For she had barely stopped her hysterical screaming and moaning, as she lay slumped back exhausted and spent on the toilet seat, when Cook could hear the sound of cheers and raucous laughter approaching. Seconds later the door burst open and a number of the party revellers, mostly guys but a few girls as well, including Katie, piled into the room seeking the cause of all the pandemonium.

They instantly made for the one cubicle with the door closed and several guys started banging on the door, cheering, whooping and making imaginative and encouraging comments like ' Go on my son, give her a good seeing to,' and 'Can I be next, love, when he's finished?' A couple of them couldn't wait to see who would emerge from the cubicle and either jumped up to look over the top of the cubicle door or stood on the adjacent toilet seat to look down into the cubicle where the culprits were hiding.

What they saw, of course, made their eyes almost pop out of their heads and they fell back down again, turned to the baying crowd who were waiting to see who the couple was and, open-mouthed in astonishment, uttered similar expressive oaths.

'FUCKING HELL!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!'

'What? Who is it?' many of them cried out before they all turned their heads back to the cubicle door which was slowly being opened to reveal 'Emily' and the blonde girl peeping out, still in a state of considerable undress. 'Emily' was displaying a sheepish grin whereas the blonde let out an instant scream, not unlike some of those she had been giving only a short while ago but for a very different reason this time, and rushed out of the cubicle, bright red with embarrassment, covering herself up with her clothes and fled out of the toilet to the utter amazement of the hushed crowd of guys and girls. She was immediately pursued hotfoot by her boyfriend who was keen to know what the fuck she was doing half naked in a toilet with Danny's girlfriend's sister and why hadn't she invited him along to make it a threesome.

A stunned, almost tearful Katie then stepped forward to the front of the group and looked at her twin with an expression which told of unimaginable hurt, shame and embarrassment. She gulped back a sob of despair as she let rip with all the force and intensity that she could muster to express how her sister was making her feel right then.

'I don't fucking believe you, Em! How could you? Have you any idea how this makes me feel, how this makes me look? How could you do this to me in front of everyone?' Her voice nearly broke down halfway through and she just about managed to make it to the end without bursting into tears.

Cook looked back at a clearly emotional Emily and briefly wondered if he should apologise for having caused such a scene but thought better of it. '_What was the point?' _ He didn't see why he should lie about this incident; it wasn't as if he could pretend it wasn't how it seemed. It was exactly what it seemed and he couldn't be arsed to come up with some wholly implausible excuse for it. The truth was generally the best policy, he had always found, however much it might hurt people.

'What's your fucking problem, Katie? So, I've been shagging someone at a party. Big deal. I'm sure that's _never_ happened to any of you here before, eh!'

'Emily! You weren't just caught shagging _someone_, you were shagging another girl!!'

A few titters and chuckles from behind her made Katie turn round and vent her spleen on the gobsmacked crowd who were staring at her sister with almost ghoulish fascination and whispering comments to each other like 'I never knew Emily was gay!' or 'Shit! She kept that quiet, didn't she?' and even 'Is Katie a lezzer as well?'

'Why don't you lot all fuck off and leave us alone?!! Go on, piss off, you've had your fun now, haven't you?'

They all looked at each other in stunned silence and then one by one they slowly started to troop out of the toilet, some still sniggering and whispering amongst themselves. Within a few seconds Katie and Cook were alone, standing face to face, physically just a foot or so away from each other but emotionally and psychologically worlds apart.

'You stupid, fucking cow!' shouted Katie and started slapping her sister about the upper half of her body, not actually hitting her in the face but certainly threatening to move on up there anytime soon. She was beside herself with rage, rage mixed in with a huge dollop of disappointment and sadness at what her twin had been caught red-handed doing. 'I can't believe you would show me up like that! You fucking disgusting dyke!'

She was now raining blow after blow on her sister as she worked herself up into a real frenzy and Cook's first instinctive reaction, faced with this barrage of increasingly indiscriminate slaps, was to fight back. If he had been himself and some guy had begun to attack him like that, whatever the reason or justification, then his opponent would have been on the floor by now. Cook was pretty handy with his fists and his motto usually was to hit out first and ask questions later.

But this was not a normal situation. He was being attacked not just by a girl but by someone he knew very well and who had ample reason to be upset and angry with him. Above all that however was the voice inside his head which was telling him 'You can't hit her back, she's a GIRL and you're still a GUY!' Cook may have had many reprehensible characteristics, most of which he was all too aware of himself, but he carried around with him at all times a kind of code of conduct, a few simple rules which he made a habit of observing and which he led his life by. There had to be some recognition of honour even in the most reckless, selfish and hedonistic of lifestyles. Never hitting a girl, unless your own life was in physical danger, was one of those unspoken rules.

So he just took his punishment beating like a man, protecting his face as best he could with his arms as Katie continued to deal with the shock she had suffered in the only way she knew how. The noise of their confrontation must have filtered outside of the room because within a few moments Danny had come flying in to the ladies and was immediately getting in between the two girls and calming down a by now very tearful and emotionally highly charged Katie.

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Naomi had been walking around aimlessly for at least half an hour, not really heading in any particular direction but just taking in the fresh evening air to clear her head of the fogginess that she had woken up with. She couldn't get Cook's words out of her head and it was starting to prey on her mind and unsettle her self-confidence. She had to get to the bottom of it and get rid of these doubts and suspicions which she felt were undermining her and putting a barrier between her and the immediate future.

She got out her mobile and began scrolling down the list of contacts, pausing over the name of Freddie. If anyone should know Cook it would be his best mate since junior school, surely. The two of them appeared to have been inseparable for years. Of course there was also JJ but Naomi had never felt completely at ease speaking to him.

Not that she disliked him, far from it, you couldn't dislike JJ, he was a genuinely sweet, harmless soul, but she knew that he and her were just never going to be on the same wavelength. JJ's mind inhabited a completely different world from Naomi's and she doubted she would get anything from him that would make much sense at all. No, Freddie was definitely the better option. Besides, she liked Freddie – he was a down to earth, ordinary sort of guy who would give it to you straight, provided he knew what it was you wanted.

She called his number and waited for him to pick up the call, which he did eventually.

'Naomi? Hi. What is it?' he asked and Naomi could tell from the tone of his voice that something was up.

'Hi, Freddie. Look, I need to talk to you about something. Are you free for a chat now?' Naomi looked at her watch which said just a little after nine o'clock. Okay, it was a bit late but not unsociably so. It was highly unlikely that he was already tucked up in bed with a good book – or a porn magazine. _Or maybe he was_, thought Naomi. _Perhaps that's what was up?_

'What do you want to talk about?' asked Freddie with a hint of curious surprise in his voice. 'This isn't exactly a great time, actually. I've got my hands rather full with Cook.'

'What's up with Cook?' Naomi held her breath and felt a strange sense of premonition flow through her as she imagined him having made the same astonishing confession to Freddie that he had made to her recently.

'Well, he's a bit out of it, if you must know. We've been knocking back JJ's Dad's lethal home brew with JJ for the last couple of hours.'

'So? There's nothing odd about that. That's an ordinary evening for Cook, isn't it?'

'Well, yeah, normally. But you should see the state of him. He can hardly stand up and he's been throwing up all over the place. I've never seen him this bad before and I've seen him knock back a hell of a lot more than we've drunk tonight.'

Naomi fell silent as she thought long and hard about the description of Cook that Freddie had just given. This definitely didn't sound like Cook at all. A man who was renowned for holding his liquor now barely able to stand up after a few drinks? What the fuck was happening here?!

Freddie hadn't finished with the sorry tale of his mate's embarrassing plight. 'Plus, he tried to have a piss a minute ago and completely missed the bottle and ended up peeing all over the shed. The floor's covered in piss and sick and yours truly's got to clean up after him now. He's whimpering and groaning like a big girl.'

Now, this story would normally have reduced Naomi to fits of laughter at the image of Cook's embarrassing lack of self-control but on this occasion it had the effect of filling her heart with something approaching blind fear and utter panic. She made up her mind quickly.

'Freddie, I'm coming over, if that's alright with you. I need to have a word with you about Cook. There's something not quite right here and it's beginning to seriously freak me out.'

'Sure, be my guest. I could do with some help. JJ's got a major problem with people throwing up which makes him about as much use as fart in a spacesuit.'

'I'll be over in ten minutes. I'm not that far away as it happens.' Naomi rang off and stopped wandering around the streets aimlessly, setting a precise course for Freddie's house. She had a heavy feeling of sick dread in the pit of her stomach which she was terribly afraid wasn't going to be eased by what she was going to find round at Freddie's. But at least there was the possibility of getting to the truth of the matter once and for all and that knowledge would be some source of comfort to her.

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**Author's Message**

Having originally promised that this evening's events would be concluded in this chapter, I have found that due to my usual verbal diarrhoea I will need one further chapter to accomplish that.. Apologies for dragging it out a bit longer – it wasn't deliberate, I assure you! I must try to be more concise in my writing! Nevertheless

I hope you're still enjoying the story despite this weakness and, as ever, I would love to hear any comments you may have on this latest instalment.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: 'Emily' is caught in the ladies with one of the girls at the football party which causes Katie to lose her rag with her twin. 'Cook' get totally pissed with Freddie and JJ in the shed and embarrasses 'himself'. Naomi decides to discuss her concerns about Cook/Emily with Freddie over at his house.

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When Naomi arrived at Freddie's and let herself in to the infamous shed as arranged, she could immediately see that Freddie hadn't been exaggerating about the state that 'Cook' was in. 'He' was, to put it mildly, all over the place. Face down on some disgusting cushion that Freddie had dragged out from somewhere, Emily was stretched out on a moth-eaten old sofa clearly suffering from the after effects of a lethal cocktail of far too much home made booze and a seriously fucked up mind.

'Jesus Christ!' said Naomi out loud upon seeing the still groaning Cook lying flat out in obvious distress. 'How long has he been like that?' This was definitely a sight for sore eyes and a very rare one at that.

'Since the last time he threw up.' Freddie shook his head in bewilderment as he continued his mopping up operations from Emily's last spectacular technicolour yawn. 'You wouldn't have thought so much vomit could come out of one person. I can't even remember the last time I saw Cook throw up from drinking too much. He's always had the stomach of an elephant. Maybe he's gone down with something.'

'What, you mean like swine flu? I suppose it's possible given that he's a complete fucking pig most of the time.' Naomi snorted at her own joke as she sat down next to 'Cook' and looked at him closely.

'Cook! It's Naomi. How are you feeling?' Naomi put a comforting hand on his shoulder to show that, despite the harshness of her words, she did feel a measure of sympathy for the poor bastard even though it had been largely self-inflicted.

'Like shit. But I 'm so glad you're here. I'm feeling better already now.' Without looking up Emily stretched out a hand blindly, searching for Naomi's and grabbed it tightly when Naomi reluctantly allowed her to find it. Freddie was amused at Cook's surprising reaction and, with the hint of a smirk just about visible across his lips, he looked across at the tall blonde and asked, 'Would you like me to leave you two alone for a while?'

'Fuck off!' replied Naomi, pulling a face at him but any further insults she may have had planned were put to one side as Emily raised her head with considerable effort to plead with the blonde.

'Don't leave me, Naomi, please! Sit with me for a bit. I know I won't feel nearly so crap if you're here.'

Naomi stared at 'Cook' in silence for a while, taking in the scene which confronted her and recalling the bizarre thoughts that had been running through her mind earlier on that evening. She really needed to quiz Freddie on what he thought was going on with his best mate but 'Cook' was holding on to her hand surprisingly tightly and showed no signs of wanting to let go too easily. Naomi was beginning to feel more than a bit uncomfortable and very self-conscious sitting on the sofa holding hands with someone who only a few weeks ago she would barely have given the time of day to.

'Look, I'm going to empty this bucket,' said Freddie, breaking the awkward silence. 'I'll be back soon, okay?'

'I suppose I'd better be going home,' said JJ quietly whom Naomi had barely even noticed since her arrival. He had been sitting some distance away, not uttering a word and feeling extremely queasy himself. Seeing someone be violently sick had always made JJ feel like puking as well. It had forever been so; he just couldn't help gagging involuntarily at the sight of anyone throwing up. This reflex reaction was a frequent source of irritation and embarrassment to him but there appeared to be no cure for it.

JJ said goodbye to them all and quietly slipped out of the shed door, promising to ring Cook the next morning to see how he was. Freddie made a move towards the door and Naomi decided she would have to go with him and have a few private words about Cook's recent strange behaviour. Letting go of 'Cook's' hand proved tricky as Emily instinctively tightened her hold on Naomi's hand as soon as she tried to break free but Naomi was determined not to be manacled to Cook for the whole evening. Eventually she was free and reassured the ailing pisshead that she would be back soon.

'I'm only going to help Freddie clean this place up, Cook. I'll be back in a couple of minutes!'

'Do you promise?' cried a whimpering Cook and, with raised eyebrows and a look to the heavens, Naomi swore she would return, casting daggers at Freddie who was pissing himself laughing at Cook's increasingly pathetic and childlike entreaties. _'God, men are like fucking children when they're ill. You wouldn't catch a woman making such a bloody fuss over a little thing like this,' _thought Naomi scathingly and a flicker of doubt popped into her mind about the credibility of Cook's extraordinary claim. .

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Within minutes of Danny pulling the two sisters apart, or rather dragging a raging Katie away from a defenceless 'Emily', the three of them were heading for home. Katie had decreed that the evening's entertainment was over and neither of the others gave a thought to arguing the toss with her. Katie was clearly in no mood to be trifled with. She couldn't face the whistles, whispers and prying eyes of the rest of the football crowd if they went back to the party so she had told Danny in no uncertain terms to drive them home.

The silence in the car during the ride back home was so intense and painful that you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Not a word was said by any of them and Katie sat in the front next to Danny quietly seething, with a face like she was chewing a wasp. Sensibly for once, Danny kept his head down – metaphorically speaking - and just concentrated on the road and getting the three of them back to the Fitches' house as soon as possible in one piece.

Cook was in the back seat, licking his wounds, almost literally, and checking how many pieces of his battered and bruised body were still intact. Katie had a surprisingly impressive punch in her fighting repertoire, he had to admit with a certain amount of respect. He'd known some guys who would have been proud to have given as good an account of themselves in a fight as Katie had just done. She had gone up in his estimation after that evening even though he still considered her to be a right old whingeing pain in the arse.

When the car pulled up outside the familiar Fitch home Katie got out, followed by Cook who stood calmly by and watched as Katie whispered something to Danny who seemed to protest briefly before being firmly put in his place and then nod his head in agreement. Seconds later the car pulled away and Katie turned towards 'Emily', eyes still blazing with anger and mouth grimly shut to hide the gnashing of teeth that was going on within.

'I'm going inside to bed. You can fuck off somewhere else. I don't care where you go but one thing's certain. You are **not** sharing a bedroom with me tonight, you revolting lezza. I don't want you anywhere near me tonight, do you understand.'

Cook looked at her blankly and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. 'Fine by me. But I think you're making a lot of fuss over nothing. Why does it matter to you who I'm with? It's got nothing to do with you.'

'It's got everything to do with me, Emily! People were laughing at me tonight. I could see what was in their eyes. I could hear what they were saying. _Katie's sister's a lesbian_. Not Emily's a lesbian, but Katie's sister. I'm the most popular girl in that crowd and everything you do reflects on me. Now you've made me a laughing stock. I'm never going to live it down.'

Cook shook his head as he listened in silence to Katie's tearful, emotional rant. All of a sudden he felt terribly sorry for the poor misguided girl. He had never appreciated until that moment just how shallow and lacking in real self-confidence she was. He had always looked upon Emily as the shy, timid, insecure sister who was dwarfed and put in the shade by her brash, confident older sister. Tonight he had seen a different side to Katie, perhaps he had caught a glimpse of the real Katie for the first time and from where he was standing it didn't make for a pretty sight. Katie was actually the insecure sister, the one totally lacking in self-confidence who constantly needed the superficial approval of her peers to bolster her self-image. It was all a bit sad, really, he thought.

'You should listen to yourself, you know,' said Cook as he started to make his way down the road. 'You're the one who's fucked up, not your sister. You need to chill out a bit more, not be so tight-arsed. You'd find life a lot easier if you did.'

'At least I've got a lot more style than to make out with some cheap little scrubber in the fucking toilets. I mean, how classy is that? It's the sort of thing I'd expect from Cook, not you!' Katie spat out these last insults, blissfully unaware of the irony of them, as she walked up to the door, turned the key in the lock and disappeared inside.

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Naomi returned to the shed alone, having left Freddie inside the house. Their conversation had not proved to be as helpful and illuminating as she had hoped but then again perhaps she had been unrealistically optimistic. Boys just didn't notice things like girls did. Boys never discussed with their best mate in minute detail the underlying reasons behind what someone did or didn't do, said or didn't say. Guys didn't spend hours of their valuable, precious time analysing someone to within an inch of their life. Guys just thought about things for a brief second, if at all, and then if they couldn't figure it out they would move swiftly on to something they could get their head around. _Maybe_ the reason why men seemed to have it so much easier in life than women was because they made it easier for themselves. Naomi decided this was not the right time to follow this particular idea through but made a mental note to pursue that line of personal enquiry on another occasion.

Freddie had failed to come up with any bright ideas to explain Cook's weird behaviour recently. Yes, he had noticed Cook had been acting a bit strangely lately. (Well done, gosh! You are observant – for a bloke!) No, he hadn't a clue what might lie behind it. He hadn't really given it much thought (and Freddie seemed one of the more thoughtful and cerebral of the guys she knew – mind you, the competition was not exactly what you'd call fierce).He had wondered if Cook was just getting a bit hung up on Effy but apart from that nothing obvious sprung to mind. He was sure the old Cook would be back soon enough. Why not enjoy the quieter, less reckless and destructive Cook while it lasted?

So, no joy there, thought Naomi with a sense of frustration and disappointment. She said she would go back to see if Cook was feeling any better. Freddie thought that it was probably best to let him crash out in the shed for the night as it didn't look like he was capable of going very far in his current state. He told Naomi where she could find a blanket in the shed to wrap round him to keep him warm. He promised that he would look in on him later before he went to bed but reckoned that Cook would be dead to the world by then. Just let him sleep it off, Freddie advised. He'd crashed there on numerous occasions when he couldn't be bothered to drag himself across town to his own bed.

'How are you?' asked Naomi as she entered the shed and came over to Emily who didn't appear to have moved while she had been talking to Freddie.

'Like death warmed up,' moaned Emily. 'Where have you been? You've been gone ages.'

'No, I haven't. I was only gone ten minutes. Hang on a second, there's a blanket here somewhere.' Naomi rummaged around at the back of the shed in amongst all the junk that was piled up on top of each other and after a short inspection triumphantly pulled out the aforementioned blanket and brought it over to 'Cook'.

'Here, this should make you feel a bit warmer,' she smiled, unfolding it and putting it across 'Cook', covering him up as much as she could. She resumed her position on the sofa next to 'him' and as she did so, Emily turned over on to her back and looked up at the blonde with a face like death and a miserable expression to match.

'Look, Naomi, I know you didn't believe a word of what I told you the other day and I don't blame you. Like I said, I wouldn't believe me either. But can you honestly see the real Cook allowing himself to get in a state like this in front of his mates. He'd never live it down, would he?'

Naomi didn't reply, at least not straight away. She was looking deep into Cook's eyes as he was talking to her and she was suddenly struck by something that she had never noticed before. Sure, everything about Cook, his face, his voice, his clothes, all looked depressingly familiar, unmistakeably the same James Cook she recognised all too well. On the outside, this was Cook without a shadow of a doubt. But Naomi saw something in his eyes which made her gasp and shook her to her very soul. For in these eyes that were fixed firmly on her as he was speaking, Naomi could see a softness, a vulnerability, even a warmth that had never been seen there before.

Even though she could sense the pain and despair in the words of the young man who was sitting next to her, his eyes were smiling at her and that was something she had noticed with the Cook she had got to know. Cook could be smiling and grinning at her like a Cheshire Cat but his eyes never seemed to smile at her. The only person she knew whose eyes had ever smiled sweetly and adoringly at her like that ………had been Emily Fitch.

In fact she remembered how freaked out she had felt the first time she had caught Emily secretly looking at one day when she thought she wouldn't notice. She recalled turning bright red with embarrassment and looking away quickly when their eyes had met. And now here in the most unlikely of surroundings, she felt almost certain that she was looking at those same smiling eyes right now. She could feel her cheeks blush and she instinctively looked away just like she remembered doing a year or so ago.

'Maybe,' she said, forcing herself back to what Cook (or Emily?!) had been saying.

'I don't know, Cook. You're ……confusing me. I don't know what to believe any more. Look, I really ought to be going, you know.'

'Please, Naomi, don't go yet. Stay with me a bit longer. Talk to me, it makes me feel so much better just to listen to you.'

Naomi looked at her watch. Eleven o'clock. It was getting late and she was feeling really tired. She knew she ought to go home but there was something in Cook's voice, a sort of desperate, tearful pleading which made her want to stay. She nodded and smiled at him.

'Will you lie down next to me and warm me up a bit more? It's freezing in here.'

Emily moved along the sofa a bit to create some space for Naomi to lie down alongside her. Naomi stared at 'Cook' closely to see if there were any signs that this was Cook trying one of his moves on a girl he fancied getting it on with. But all she saw, all she sensed was a genuine desire for company, comfort and closeness from someone who was suffering. She took a deep breath and lay down on the grotty old sofa alongside Emily and she felt a shiver run up her spine as their bodies made contact. _Where did that frisson of excitement come from?_ Naomi wondered. _She would never have felt the same with Cook!_

As they lay next to each other, she could feel the contours of Cook's body up against her and she could hear his gentle breathing which seemed to have become much calmer and controlled since she had lain down beside him. Naomi felt a strange, relaxing, peaceful stillness wash over her as the stresses of the day seemed to slowly evaporate into the cold, heavy atmosphere of the shed. Within a couple of minutes both girls were fast asleep.

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The sound of the doorbell ringing gave Effy a start. She looked at watch and wondered who the fuck could be calling at this time of night. She dragged herself out into the hall and went to the font door and opened it.

'Hi, babe!' said Cook, grinning hugely. 'Have you got room for a small one for the night?'

'Emily. What's up?' If Effy was surprised to see the diminutive redhead standing on her doorstep looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, she didn't show it.

'I need a place to stay for tonight,' Cook explained matter of factly. 'Can I come in?'

Effy contemplated the young girl for a second or two, gave the hint of a smile in her eyes more than on her lips and stood aside to let her in.

'What's happened?' Effy asked as the two girls stood looking at each other in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs.

'I've upset Katie tonight. She refuses to let me into our bedroom.'

'Really? How did you do that?' Effy raised an eyebrow but other than that tiny gesture showed no great surprise at this announcement of a sisterly falling out.

'I guess she wasn't too amused by finding me shagging some girl in the toilets at a party.'

'No shit! And why were you shagging this girl in such a romantic setting?' Effy was staring at 'Emily' with a huge grin on her face, not appearing to be the least bit blown away by Cook's confession.

'I guess… because you weren't there,' replied Cook with his customary blunt and brutally frank honesty.

'So, how long have you wanted to shag me, Emily?'

'Ever since the first time we screwed on that first day at college, in the nurse's room. I think it's time we fucked again, Effy. Mind you, you won't be able to grab my balls this time. We'll have to think of something else.' Cook laughed and pulled Effy firmly towards him and planted a long, sloppy smacker full on her lips which Effy made no attempt to avoid. Indeed she reciprocated with the same passion and intensity that Cook remembered her showing on that memorable first day at college.

'Come on then, Cook' said Effy after they pulled slowly away from the kiss. 'Let's go and see if the nurse is in this time, shall we?' and the tall brunette started to climb up the stairs, closely followed by a grinning, laughing and very relieved Cook.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: A very drunk 'Cook' is comforted in Freddie's shed by Naomi who begins to believe that Cook may not be quite who he seems and the two end up asleep together on the sofa. Katie refuses to allow 'Emily' in the house with her after the scene at the party so 'she' takes refuge at Effy's where the two spend the night together after 'Emily' confesses she is actually Cook.

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When Cook opened his eyes the next morning to find that Effy was still fast asleep next to him in her bed and that he was still very much Emily Fitch he wasn't entirely sure whether he was disappointed or not. Disappointed to find he was still Emily, that is, not to find he was in bed with Effy. Whoever you were, boy or girl, in your own body or in someone else's, there was absolutely no excuse whatsoever to be disappointed to find you were in bed with Effy. Some things were a given, to Cook's way of thinking, and that was one of them.

As he lay there very still so as not to wake Effy up, he cast his hazy mind back to the events of the previous day and night and smiled to himself contentedly. All in all it had been quite an eventful twenty-four hours, even by his exceptionally high standards of mayhem, culminating perfectly in him bedding Effy once again. It had certainly been a very different experience from the first time he'd shagged her and no mistake. But had it been any less enjoyable? After some quiet contemplation he came to the conclusion that it hadn't and he put all the credit for that down to Effy being great in the sack with anyone, boy or girl.

He reached out a slender, delicate, feminine arm, groped for a cigarette from the packet he had casually tossed on to the bedside cabinet the previous evening, lit the cigarette and lay back again thoughtfully, one hand tucked behind his head, as he amused himself by blowing rings of smoke up into the air above him. If he was being honest, being a girl wasn't half as bad as he had imagined it was going to be when he had made the shocking discovery of his gender transformation several weeks ago. Then, he had thought that all the fun would disappear out of his life for good, that it would be impossible for him to enjoy himself as a girl in the same way he had managed to do so as a guy. But he had been wrong about that and he wasn't too proud to admit it.

Sure, there were some things about being a girl that he could have done without – periods were not exactly a barrel of laughs and he still felt embarrassed to recall that panic-stricken call to Emily for help the morning he encountered his first period. He didn't mind betting Emily had been pissing herself laughing on the other end of the phone that morning. Still, it had made him appreciate the problems girls have to put up with a whole lot more than he had done before – they definitely got his sympathy vote on that score. It had been a real eye-opener and made him realise that guys have it easy in comparison.

Being under constant pressure to look good all the time was another by-product of being a girl that he had never really appreciated as a bloke. Maybe he had thought that it just happened without any real effort on the part of the girl concerned whereas he had discovered that it was a fucking hard job all of its own to scrub up even half decently. He had never ceased to be fascinated from day one watching Katie put her make up on in the morning. In fact he realised much later on that his fascination must have been a touch too intense and wide-eyed for Katie's taste as she regularly got freaked out by his close observation and scrutiny and fled out of the room screaming at him to stop watching her like that. Katie always made him laugh – she was so sensitive and self-conscious, even for a girl, he concluded.

But then maybe all girls were like that with their appearance, knowing they were under the spotlight the whole time, constantly put under pressure by guys like him to look stunning and desirable all the time at the drop of a hat. He knew as Emily he would have found it hard to live up to the expectations that he, as Cook, would have placed on himself. He made a mental note that if he ever got his old identity back he wouldn't give girls such a hard time, not now he'd had first-hand experience of how tough it was to be a girl in what was still essentially a guy's world.

He was suddenly disturbed from his unusually serious deliberations by the sounds of Effy gently stirring from her slumber. He turned his head towards her and smiled as she opened her eyes, yawned loudly and blinked at him several times as she struggled to take in her first sight of the day. She was used to waking up next to some guy or other but finding herself lying next to a stark naked, small, redheaded teenage girl, even if she knew the girl was a totally different Emily from the one she had met at the start of term, still required a few seconds of reassurance and memory jogging to put her mind at rest.

No, she hadn't completely lost her marbles; this was Cook she was laying next to, even if he had appeared to have gone to extraordinary lengths to explore his feminine side. If she had still to be one hundred percent convinced about her long held suspicions beforehand, the bedroom activities of the previous night had provided her with all the assurance she had been looking for that she had guessed right. She may have presented an undeniably female exterior but the girl lying next to her now had still made love with all the same animalistic passion and male ferocity she recalled Cook displaying on that first day of term. Emily had come out with the same cries, groans and exhortations as Cook had exhibited then – in Effy's mind these two people were one and the same beast, despite appearances to the contrary.

'Hi babe,' said Cook giving Effy a huge grin before turning to stub out his cigarette in the ashtray.

'Hi' said Effy, looking at Cook closely but without any overt fascination or obvious signs of disbelief. 'So, when did all this happen, then?'

'What, me becoming Emily? The morning after my birthday. Some fucking present, huh?'

'Different, 'said Effy, nodding her head in amused agreement. 'You won't forget that birthday in a hurry, at least. How did it happen? Did you make a pact with the devil or something?'

'Fuck knows, babe. I don't remember much about that night after leaving Johnny White's party.' Cook shook his head in frustration. If only he could remember more he might find a clue as to what set this whole fucked up transformation in motion. Maybe he had met up with the devil – after all, it had to be someone with a really sick and warped sense of humour to have come up with an idea like that.

'Maybe someone you've pissed off in the past wanted revenge and summoned up all the evil spirits to teach you a lesson you'd never forget!' smiled Effy as she moved closer to Cook to snuggle up to him and keep warm.

'Yeah, well that'll narrow the culprit down to a couple of hundred suspects, then,' Cook sighed ruefully. 'It shouldn't take long to nail the bastard if we start this morning.'

'What about poor Emily!? What has she done to deserve all this? I mean, how come she was chosen to swap places with you? Why not me? That would have made far more sense.' There was just the hint of a glint in her eyes and the suspicion of a wicked smile at the corners of Effy's mouth as she put this intriguing proposition to Cook.

'Search me, babe. None of it makes any fucking sense at all.' Cook was silent for a few moments before turning to face Effy. 'What if it had been you? How would you have reacted?'

_Interesting question_, thought Effy. _Even more interesting that Cook had thought to ask it._ Maybe being a girl for a few weeks has really softened him up a bit, helped him to see things with a little more sensitivity and perspective than he would have been capable of as his old self.

'I think I'd have enjoyed getting my own back on you, Cook. You know, giving you a taste of your own medicine, treating you like shit, like a piece of meat, making you wait until I'm ready to take what I want from you and then dropping you like a stone when I'm finished with you. Yes, that would have been fun, I'd have enjoyed that.'

Cook stared at Effy with an expression of genuine hurt and sadness in his big brown eyes. She wasn't joking, he could tell that from the sound of her voice and the deliberately piercing look she was giving him.

'Is that really how you see me, Ef?'

'It's how everyone sees you, Cook, not just me. But it's okay, we're used to you by now, we accept that's the way you are, the way you'll always be. It's up to all of us to decide if we're prepared to put up with it or not. We've learned not to expect too much from you, you know.'

Hearing Effy rip his character apart like that, twist the blade of the knife in to the small of his back so expertly yet still with a half smile and a twinkle in her eyes, brought home to Cook how isolated he had become from the rest of his friends. It made him realise that he had enjoyed more conversation, more friendship and even a greater sense of affinity with everyone as Emily than he had ever done before as Cook. It occurred to him that being Emily had opened doors to him that would have been smartly shut in his face before. He had been allowed to enter some secret worlds as a girl that in his previous existence he would never have even dreamt of looking for the keys to.

Effy herself was a case in point. He sensed his relationship with her had changed in the last few weeks. It was definitely better, closer perhaps than it had been when he was just Cook, the serial womaniser, the shag 'em and leave' em expert, who was already thinking of his next conquest scarcely before he had left the previous girl behind in her bed. This morning, the morning after the night before, he wasn't thinking of moving on to the next girl on the list. He wasn't interested in anyone else but Effy – he wanted to spend the rest of the day with her and surprised himself as he acknowledged those secrets thoughts in his head.

'Well, if I ever get to be myself again, maybe I've learned a few things being a girl that will help me to change,' said Cook, smiling almost shyly at Effy.

'So how exactly do you hope to get back to being yourself again, Cook? Unless of course you'd prefer to stay as Emily for the rest of your life,' asked Effy, raising her eyebrows quizzically as was her wont.

'No fucking way! I might have learned a few things being a girl but life's far easier as a guy. God knows how it's going to happen but I want to be me again. I think the joke's gone on long enough.'

Effy stretched out her arms above her head and gave out another long yawn. 'Well at least you've found out how tough it is being a girl with guys like you around. It hasn't all been a waste of time, then. So, what are you and Emily going to do? Haven't you tried to work out how it could have happened and see if you can reverse the process?'

'Not really. I suppose we should put our heads together and try to come up with a plan. Will you help us, Effy, now you know the whole truth?'

The elegant brunette looked at Cook with a mischievous grin and couldn't stop herself from teasing him further still. This was just too much fun, she thought.

'Maybe. I don't know. I quite like you the way you are, actually. It's pretty hard for you to act the big, macho 'I am' when you look as small and sweet and delicate as Emily. I'm not sure if I wouldn't rather you stayed the way you are. I'll have to give it some more thought. Breakfast first, though.'

* * *

The sour stench of vomit and urine was still vaguely hanging in the air to greet Emily good morning when she woke up on the uncomfortable, lumpy old sofa in Freddie's shed. She could think of worse places to wake up, she told herself, but not many. On the plus side however, she couldn't think of anyone she would rather have woken up with in such a grotty, stinking, darkened room than Naomi.

The tall, slim, platinum blonde was still sleeping peacefully next to her, which instantly brought a huge smile to Emily's face and was almost enough on its own to outweigh the horrendous hangover she had unsurprisingly woken up with. Her head was thumping, her mouth felt as dry as the bottom of a parrot's cage and she was stiff and aching all over. Apart from all that and the fact that she was clearly still Cook and the hoped for miracle hadn't happened overnight, things couldn't have been better, she calculated.

Emily propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at the blonde who stirred slightly at her movement. She couldn't take her eyes off her and felt an uncontrollable desire to touch her but she was terrified to wake her up as that would almost certainly mean the end of any more touching and stroking. So Emily contented herself with running her fingers incredibly gently through Naomi's hair, so softly that she wouldn't have imagined it possible that such a lightness of touch could have woken the blonde.

Her hair felt so soft and smooth to the touch of her fingers and she found herself nervously holding her breath through fear that Naomi would open her eyes and stare at her accusingly. But she appeared oblivious to Emily's carefully executed attentions and continued to sleep undisturbed for several minutes. While she was carrying out this tricky manoeuvre, Emily couldn't help feeling disgusted and embarrassed by the massive bloke's hands she had to use to perform this delicate stroking which would have felt so much more sensual and erotic if she could have used her normal small girl's hands. It was another painful reminder of her misery of being trapped in a body to which she had no emotional attachment and which severely hampered her own attempts to express her feelings.

Eventually, however, whether it was a slow, gradual, semi-conscious awareness or an immediate response to a sudden sharp awakening from a very deep sleep - Emily had no way of telling - but Naomi's big, blue eyes shot open and looked straight ahead of her as if transfixed by a heart stopping realisation.

'Have you just been stroking my hair?' Naomi asked in a strange, far away voice which suggested neither pleasure nor disapproval.

Emily was struck dumb momentarily and didn't know quite how best to answer such a direct and loaded question.

'Um…… well, yes……only for a few seconds, though. I mean….I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't mean to…….shit!'

'It's okay. It was nice. Don't stop.'

Emily's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets in astonishment at Naomi's reaction. She was expecting a sharp rebuke, even a witheringly sarcastic put down like she was used to from the blonde so this unfamiliar, encouraging response took her by surprise. She hesitated for a few seconds before deciding to play it safe and double check she had heard right.

'Are you sure, Naomi? I…..I don't want to upset you. You don't have to indulge me, you know. I'm used to getting the brush off from you.'

'Shut up, Emily and carry on. I don't say things I don't mean.'

Emily nearly fainted on the spot with unconfined joy and she was forced to cover her mouth quickly with both hands to prevent a scream of relief and delight coming out and waking up the whole neighbourhood. Naomi had called her Emily and never had anyone simply calling her by her name filled her with such genuine happiness.

'Do you mean that, Naomi? Do you truly believe I'm Emily and not Cook? PLEASE, PLEASE say you do!' She held her breath as she awaited Naomi's reply but was so ecstatic that she had already begun to gently run her long, manly fingers through the blonde girl's hair without thinking to wait for a positive response.

'I guess I have to. I'm still having trouble getting my head around this, though. The whole thing's just too fucked up and unreal to be true. But there's no way in the world that Cook would have stroked my hair just now you way you did. Only you could have done that Emily. That much I know for a fact.'

Emily was so overjoyed to have finally convinced Naomi of the truth of her highly improbable story that she nearly threw her arms around the blonde girl and hugged her so tightly that she would have doubtless squeezed the last remaining breath out of her. Fortunately common sense prevailed at the last second as Emily stopped herself, realising that Naomi's acceptance of her story was not tantamount to her saying '_Okay, I believe you, now you can try to get off with me,'_

'I hate having these horrible bloke's hands,' she complained grumpily, despite the fact that inwardly her heart was singing with happiness. 'Not to mention these huge big feet and…….well, everything else, really. You can guess the rest.'

Naomi turned round to look Emily straight in the eyes and she was shaking her head in a kind of dreamlike trance as she spoke.

'Emily, just because I've said I believe you doesn't mean I'm not totally freaked out and scared shitless by all this. I might just fuck off out of here any minute to get away from this utter madness. None of this makes any sense! Can't you understand how this looks to me?'

'You should try seeing it from my side, believe me. That first morning when I woke up like this, well……I could easily have killed myself, honest to God, I was so freaked out. My mind was completely fucked up, I wanted to die.' Emily felt an icy shiver run through the length of her body as she recalled the utter despair and hopelessness that she had felt that morning and how close she had come for a short while to ending it all.

Naomi's face dropped and she bit her bottom lip on hearing Emily's painful confession and she instinctively put a hand on her friend's shoulder to comfort her and show her she understood and sympathised with her suffering.

'What stopped you?' asked Naomi in a whisper as she let out a deep breath. She could feel herself shaking with abject horror at the image of Emily deciding she had no option but to kill herself, faced with the unenviable prospect of having her whole life ahead of her - as Cook. She knew she would have felt exactly the same if it had happened to her.

Emily didn't have to think back to recall what it was that had stopped her from taking such drastic and irrevocable action. She knew precisely what it was that had hauled her back from the brink that fateful morning and for once she didn't hold her feelings back as she might well have done before – there didn't seem any point at that moment.

'The thought of never seeing you again. The fact that I hadn't said goodbye to you, I guess.'

Naomi had to look away sharply as the tears instantly filled her eyes and she didn't want Emily to see her reaction. She didn't know how to answer but she felt a warmth and an affection for the girl that she would never have imagined possible a few weeks ago. She cleared her throat noisily to hide her embarrassment and got up from the sofa to distract Emily from looking directly at her face which was still struggling to contain her emotions.

'Look, we need to put together a plan to sort out this mess. We've got to be able to do something, we can't just leave it like this, it's insane. I think we need to meet up with Cook as soon as possible and talk things through. Work out how it all happened and figure out how we can put things back to how they were before.'

'Good idea!' said Emily, following Naomi's lead and getting up off the sofa. 'Jesus! My head!' In all the excitement of their conversation Emily had forgotten all about how washed up and shattered she had been feeling after her binge drinking the night before. Standing up so suddenly had acted as a painful reminder that she may have been Cook in appearance but certainly not in deed. She almost fell over as she stumbled forward and Naomi had to grab hold of the unsteady girl as she swayed and lurched violently on her feet.

'Whoa! Are you alright?' asked a concerned Naomi and managed to hold back a snigger at the sight of 'Cook' staggering around under the influence of an excess of alcohol.

'Never felt better,' smiled Emily, as she took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes to get the sleep out of them. She wasn't just saying that to make Naomi feel better, either. It was the truth, emotionally even if not physically. She couldn't remember having been this happy and optimistic about life since the moment she saw Naomi walk in through the door of the pub to join her and all the others at Cook's birthday party. This was easily the best feeling she'd had since then.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Cook wakes up in the morning in bed with Effy at her house where he has spent the night after being refused entry to the Fitch house by Katie. Emily wakes up on the sofa in Freddie's shed next to Naomi with whom she has spent the night after getting very drunk with Freddie and JJ. After Effy and Naomi both acknowledge their true identities, Cook and Emily resolve to get together to try to work out how to get back as themselves again.

* * *

As Emily and Naomi approached the green they were both surprised to see Cook already there waiting for them and even more taken aback to find that he was not alone but had Effy with him. Cook had said nothing to Emily when she called him earlier on about bringing Effy along. She had suggested they meet up for a serious discussion about how to get their old identities back and he had readily agreed. Mind you, Emily hadn't mentioned bringing Naomi along with her either so she was hardly in any position to accuse Cook of holding something back from her.

Both odd couples looked at each other with a mixture of emotions. There was surprise of course on both sides that they now had appeared to have grown into a gang of four. At the same time, however, there seemed to be a hint of relief on Cook and Emily's faces that they were no longer forced to deal with this most unnatural of situations on their own. There was also an unmistakeable exchange of mutual admiration between Effy and Naomi that they alone had been clever enough to have cracked the whole bizarre business of Cook and Emily which had been beyond the wit of anyone else.

'Hi Effy,' said 'Cook', unsure what to say or how to play this unforeseen scenario. 'I wasn't …….expecting to see you here.'

'Hi Emily. Hi Naomi' said Effy with a smile at both of the new arrivals. 'Well, Cook thought I might be able to help the pair of you out so here I am if you want me.'

'So you worked it all out, then?' Emily said, inwardly hugely relieved that it wasn't just Naomi who believed their fantastic story yet not wishing to show in front of Naomi how overjoyed she was to have someone else on her side

'I guessed it some time ago, actually. But I see I'm not the only smart cookie around here.' Effy smiled knowingly at Naomi who bit her lip and nodded her head slightly at the tall brunette.

'I don't know about that. I wasn't as sure as you obviously were. I still can't believe it, to be honest, but I can't see what other explanation fits all the facts.' Naomi felt comforted by the fact that Effy seemed to have no difficulty in accepting this absurd situation as indisputable fact. As ever, Effy's aura of quiet understated confidence and self-assurance shone brightly and dazzled all those around her with its intensity. The cool, laid back brunette decided to sit down on the grass and the others all followed suit.

'Nothing else does,' said Effy. 'The question is, how do we get them back to how they were before? The answer must lie in the events of the day of Cook's birthday.'

'Obviously,' nodded Cook. 'That was the last day we were ourselves, wasn't it? But what the fuck could have caused it? I haven't got a bloody clue.'

'I've been racking my brains for weeks,' cried Emily with a note of despair and resignation. 'I can't think of anything special that happened that could have been the reason. Both of us went home at the end of the night as ourselves and woke up as each other. I mean, how could anything we did have caused that to happen. It doesn't make sense!'

'Look, we have to accept the fact that logic or reason has no part in this at all.' Effy's calm, controlled voice cut through the general tone of panic and despondency that was just starting to creep in to the conversation. 'The whole thing is totally weird and unreal and ridiculous but it happened all the same. So the thing that made it happen must be something equally bizarre and ridiculous.'

'Yeah, I can see that. But what?' Cook stared at all the others for some spark of imagination, some flash of inspiration which would enlighten them all.

'Well, surely it has to be something that connects Cook and Emily, however weird and freaky,' suggested Naomi, anxious to contribute to the rather small melting pot of ideas. 'There must have been something that the two of you did that day that nobody else did.'

'Good thinking, Naomi' said Effy, approvingly. 'Now we're getting somewhere. So, think back to that day, guys. What did Cook and Emily do which seems to have linked them in some way for this whole thing to have happened to them and no-one else?'

Emily had been silent until then, content to let Effy and Naomi, whom she considered to be much brighter than either her or Cook, hold centre stage in the discussions. Besides, she had thought, the two girls were both on the outside looking in, as it were, and so might be said to have a much sharper perspective on events than either her or Cook who were arguably too close to the whole freaky affair to spot the answer. But now she felt confident enough to have her say as well.

'Nothing,' said the former redhead. 'We were with all of you the whole day. We did everything together, didn't we?'

'That's not exactly true, Emily, is it? I mean, I left the engagement party earlier than the rest of you. I wasn't with you and all the others for the rest of the evening.' Naomi didn't like to correct Emily but she knew it was important to get the facts right.

'That's right, you did disappear early, I remember,' said Effy, turning a curious, pensive face towards the blonde. 'I remember wondering at the time what made you leave so early. You seemed to be enjoying yourself with Emily…….and the rest of us.'

Naomi fought hard not to blush at Effy's very pointed and deliberately mischievous question. 'I was bored, that's all. Johnny White's crowd weren't exactly my cup of tea, you know. I just felt like going home.'

'That's right,' added Emily hastily, noticing Naomi's embarrassment and rushing to her defence. 'I remember you saying to me that's why you were leaving early.' She felt slightly guilty lying to the other two but she wasn't prepared to stand by and see Naomi gently teased by Effy like that.

'Hey, guys, we're getting off track here,' Cook pointed out with a touch of irritation in his voice.' Why Naomi left early's got fuck all to do with me and Ems!'

'You're right, for once, Cook,' admitted Effy reluctantly. 'So, where were we?'

'Hang on, surely we should go back to the beginning of the day,' suggested Naomi purposefully. 'We need to go through the sequence of events one by one.'

'Good idea,' smiled Emily. 'Okay. We all met up in the pub. I arrived with Katie and Effy and Panda arrived at the same time as us. Cook was already there with Freddie and JJ. '

'Then Naomi arrived shortly afterwards,' said Effy.

'We all had a few drinks, but not all the same though.' Naomi pointed out.

'But we did all drink Tequila Slammers,' Cook reminded them all with a big grin.

'You had about five times as many as the rest of us, I seem to remember, Cook,' said Effy, looking across at Cook who laughed out loud at the memory of his extravagant drinking performance that afternoon.

'Then eventually we had all had enough of watching you get slowly hammered and told you how boring a party this was turning out to be.' Naomi didn't hold back in reminding Cook the sad, uncomfortable truth about his birthday party.

'That's because you lot were all such pussies in not knocking back the tequilas,' insisted Cook defensively, irked by the accusations that he had laid on a shit party for his friends. 'You were all still stone cold sober. None of you know how to really chill out and relax.'

'What, like getting absolutely shit-faced by the end of the afternoon and then picking a pointless fight with the local psychotic gangster in the evening, you mean?' Naomi smiled sweetly at Cook as she unashamedly threw his ill chosen words right back in his face.

'Hey, guys, let's not waste time arguing with each other,' said Emily, concerned that they had wandered off on a futile and potentially divisive tangent. They all had to be as one in this meeting, they couldn't afford any petty in-fighting and points scoring off each other.

'Okay, okay,' said Cook, accepting that having a row with Naomi wasn't getting them anywhere. 'So the next thing that happened was that I heard about the party that Karen was at and we went over to it and I managed to wangle us all an invite.'

'We all went in together and stayed together the whole evening, apart from Naomi who left early.' Effy screwed her eyes tight as she cast her mind back the several weeks to that fateful night which had preceded the horrific transformation of Cook and Emily. 'We all drank the free champagne, didn't we? Cook certainly did. You were knocking them back like there was no tomorrow, if I remember right.'

'Well it was free wasn't it? What was I supposed to do? Turn it down?' Cook snorted to show he was appalled at the suggestion that he might have shown a bit more respect and basic manners.

'So did I,' admitted Emily, 'though only a few glasses.'

'What about the food? Did we all eat some of that or only Cook and Emily?' asked Effy with a degree of urgency and just a hint of desperation. They were no nearer finding the common theme which linked Cook and Emily and only them. It appeared that everyone in the group tucked in to the buffet spread at some point during the evening and there didn't seem to be anything there that only Cook and Emily had eaten.

'We all snorted some of Cook's stuff he got from his uncle, didn't we?' Effy tried one last gasp suggestion but without much optimism. She had always suspected it wasn't going to be easy to find the missing link between Emily and Cook.

'After the speeches, Cook got up and sang, he and Johnny White had their fight and then all hell broke loose. The two families started a massive punch up and we all legged it out of the place. I went home with Katie and left the rest of you behind.' Emily succinctly completed the summary of the day's events without anyone coming up with even the tiniest clue as to what had thrown Cook and Emily together to meet their shared misery the following morning.

The four of them fell silent as they each went back over that day again in their own minds, frantically trying to find some tiny little detail that they had all missed which would be the clue to the whole mystery which had hitherto eluded them. Emily looked around at the faces of the other three and her heart plummeted at their painfully blank expressions. She had almost convinced herself that between them they would find the answer to her and Cook's dilemma. She was on the point of bursting into fresh tears of frustration and the deepest pit of despair when Naomi broke the long silence with a smile, a laugh and a shake of her head.

'What?' the other three cried in unison, turning their heads simultaneously to stare at the blonde in eager anticipation and with bated breath.

'It's ridiculous. It's nothing. Something completely stupid and meaningless, that's all.'

'That's just the sort of thing we're looking for, Naomi,' said Effy with a definite note of hope and optimism in her expression. 'I said logic and reason doesn't come into it. What have you thought of?'

Naomi shook her head again, even more violently this time and seemed reluctant to come out with it. She looked at Emily, whose eyes were wide open and seemed to be pleading with her, and then looked over towards Effy who nodded at her almost imperceptibly, as if encouraging the blonde to have the courage of her convictions and tell them what had occurred to her.

'Okay. But it is totally fucking stupid and utterly insane, right. It can't mean anything, I'm sure. But there is one thing that we've overlooked about that day which links Ems and Cook.'

'Go on,' said Effy very quietly and calmly, noticing that both Emily and Cook had sat bolt upright and were leaning forward, with a kind of wild desperation in their eyes.

'Well, what have you all forgotten also happened in the pub?' Three blank faces looked at Naomi in identical fashion, completely baffled and speechless.

'THE CAKE! Emily baked a birthday cake for Cook and brought it to the pub.'

'Fuck me!' whispered Effy, understanding immediately the full significance of Naomi's extremely short and incomplete explanation. 'And Cook, the fucking greedy bastard, ate the whole cake himself!'

'It was **my** fucking birthday!' said Cook, vehemently protesting his innocence against what he, in his usual inimitable style, saw primarily as a wholly unjustified attack on him for being a selfish, thoughtless, greedy pig. 'Why shouldn't I have eaten it all? It was fucking nice cake, I can tell you. It was _my_ birthday and _my_ fucking present!'

'Cook! Don't you see? That's the connection!' cried Emily, simultaneously frustrated beyond belief at Cook's stupidity in not picking up the crucial point of Naomi's observation and overjoyed at the thought that they may have made a genuine breakthrough in working out how their identity swap may have come about. She couldn't for the life of her see why baking and eating a chocolate cake should be considered such heinous crimes as to merit punishing the participants by switching their identities but she was past caring about the justification or unfair ness of the treatment that had been meted out to them. She just wanted to be Emily again.

'But it's totally fucking ludicrous,' reiterated Naomi to the three of them who were all smiling and beaming at each other, full of self-congratulation and even a couple of extravagant high-fives from Emily and Cook. 'You can't seriously believe that's the answer, can you?'

'Why not?' said Effy, coming up to Naomi and patting her on the back. 'I told you. This whole thing is utterly irrational and absurd so it had to have been caused by something equally irrational and absurd. Well done, Naomi!'

Emily was all for throwing her arms around the tall blonde and smothering her in kisses, even if it would have blown wide open her cover in front of Cook and Effy but she thought better of it once again. Besides, this was only the beginning of the final straight, surely, not the finishing line. She felt there was still a painful, gut-busting sprint to the line ahead of them.

'Okay,' she said breathlessly, 'IF that was what started the whole thing off, where do we go from here? What does all that mean to us now?' She looked at the others with hope in her heart that they hadn't already exhausted the sum total of their collective inspiration and that there was still more to come, if not perhaps from Cook – that was stretching things a bit, a little bit too much suspension of disbelief was required there – then at least from the two other two girls. She was not to be disappointed.

'Well, it's obvious, isn't it?' All eyes this time swivelled round towards Effy who was her usual calm, unflappable, confident and poised self.

'What?' the others all cried, once more in unison. Despite the seriousness of the situation they were all discussing, as a group they were managing to produce some extremely impressive, tight harmonies.

'We want to reverse the process, right? Emily baked Cook a cake for his birthday and he ate it all himself. The next morning the two of them woke up to find they had become each other. So, for Cook and Emily to get back to being themselves again, it stands to reason that Cook will have to bake Emily exactly the same cake and Emily will have to eat the whole lot herself. Simples!'

The other three looked at each other in open-mouthed astonishment. Effy's very precise proposal was both ingeniously simple and at the same time logically consistent and sound from whatever angle it was viewed. But could it be carried out?

'You want _me_ to bake a fucking cake? You've got to be fucking mental. I've never baked anything in my life.' Cook thought he had spotted one obvious and potentially damaging flaw in the basic plan that Effy had put forward.

'You want _me_ to eat a whole fucking enormous cake on my own? I'll never manage it. I'll be sick as a pig. I'll probably die choking on my own vomit!' Emily likewise couldn't help but point out from her point of view one major obstacle which could stop Effy's cleverly argued plan from working.

'Guys! Guys! These are just little things which we can work out how to get round. The basic premise remains intact. But, I 'm also convinced that we have to recreate the scene in the pub, down to the last detail.'

'How do you mean?' asked a confused Naomi, who was beginning to wonder if she wasn't completely losing touch with reality, so freaked out was she by this latest twist in their conversation.

'The same people will have to be at the same place, we will have to do exactly the same things as we did on that day – arrive at the same time, in the same order, drink the same things. In short everything must be replicated until we get to the moment when Emily produced the cake for Cook and he proceeded to eat the whole lot. Except this time it's Cook who will bring out the cake and Emily who will have to scoff the lot.'

A heavy silence descended upon the gang of four as the full implications of Effy's carefully thought out and precisely delivered plan hit them squarely between the eyes. They looked at each other nervously as if they each harboured serious misgivings and grave doubts about their ability to bring about this complicated yet apparently vitally important sequence of events. The uneasy silence into which they had all fallen was suddenly disturbed by the sound of the bell for the start of classes for the day. The chimes rang out with a resonance and a clarity that reminded one of the tolling of the church bell to signify the start of a funeral service. Would it signify the death of Emily's hopes and prayers to reclaim her true identity and pick up the pieces of her shattered life?

.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Cook and Emily meet up with Naomi and Effy to try to work out how the identity swap process could have happened. After going over the events of Cook's birthday they decide that it must have been the cake baked by Emily and eaten by Cook that has caused all the trouble. Effy suggests that they re-enact that day only now with Cook baking a cake for Emily to eat on her own.

* * *

Cook woke up with a start and a rather undignified and unladylike grunt to see through half closed eyes Katie glaring at him from the side of his bed. His memory of the previous night was a little hazy but he could just about remember Katie reluctantly allowing him to sleep in his own bed after issuing dire threats about what she would do if he repeated his recent embarrassing behaviour.

'What do you want, Katie?' he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he blinked disbelievingly at the alarm clock which was telling him the time was only eight o'clock in the morning, which to him represented the middle of the night. 'Jesus! It's only eight o'clock. What the fuck are you doing waking me up at this time for?'

'**I** didn't want to wake you, Emily. If it was up to me you could stay in bed all fucking week. At least then you wouldn't be embarrassing me all over town and making people laugh and point at me.'

'So why the fuck have you woken me, bitch?' Cook turned over on his side, ignoring Katie's insults and pointed references to his eye-catching performance at the football club party which Katie still woke up in a cold sweat about.

'You've got visitors. Effy, Cook and that smart-arse dyke, Naomi. They told me to wake you up and kick your sorry arse out of bed. They said if you're not fully dressed and downstairs in five minutes they would all come up and drag you out of bed by your hands and feet. What's going on? What do they want?'

As Cook rolled over onto his back again and glared back at Katie, he suddenly remembered why his friends had all turned up at his doorstep that morning issuing such dire threats. Today was the day he had agreed to bake the chocolate cake that Emily would then have to consume in an attempt to set in motion the reverse transformation process. He hadn't quite expected them to be demanding he made such a ridiculously early start, though. _For fuck's sake,_ he thought. _I bet Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver and all the other famous chefs didn't get up at the crack of dawn to start cooking. I distinctly remember all their shows taking place in the afternoon or the evening._

'Okay, okay,' he said, sighing heavily. 'Tell them I'll be down soon.'

'What the hell's going on, Emily? They've told me we all HAVE to meet up at Cook's uncle's pub this afternoon, just like we did on Cook's birthday. I told them to get lost, I'm supposed to be going out with Danny, but they said I **had **to come along, for your sake. What did they mean?'

'It's a long story, Katie and even if I told you it you wouldn't believe me anyway. Just do me a favour and be there, okay? Surely you can go a couple of hours without shagging Danny?'

Katie's hackles were now well and truly up after this latest flippant remark from her sister who, in her opinion, was in no position to start passing judgement on _her_ sexual proclivities. _'Who the fuck does she think she is?'_ seethed the older twin, unable to resist giving her sister a slap round the face. She made a pretty good connection and the crisp, clean crack that echoed around the room after she caught 'Emily' full on the side of the face made them both gasp and hold their breath in astonishment.

'Emily' instinctively flew out of bed and grabbed a startled Katie, who was still rooted to the spot in shock at the unintended viciousness of her equally instinctive reaction towards her sister's cheek. 'Emily' pushed the older twin roughly back across the room and pinned her against the bedroom door, as she wriggled frantically to free herself from 'Emily's' clutches.

Cook counted to ten before he spoke, calming himself down so as not to respond in a manner which would be certain to alienate Katie from their grand plans for the day. 'Katie, would it be fair to say I've pissed you off quite a bit recently?'

'Get off me, you cow,' shouted a genuinely frightened Katie, taken aback by the suddenness and force of her sister's response, and pushing 'Emily' away from her.. 'Too fucking right you have! I don't know what's got in to you lately. You've always been a bit weird and freaky but now you've turned into a right selfish, stupid, vicious little tart.'

'Well, if you want to see the old Emily back, the meek, shy little Emily who you always managed to boss around and who would do whatever you told her, then I suggest you do what the others have asked and come along to the pub today. You just might find that the old Emily is with you again tomorrow morning.'

Katie stared at 'Emily' with uncomprehending eyes and shrugged her shoulders, fed up to the back teeth all of a sudden with fighting her sister. 'Whatever!' she muttered and stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her, leaving Cook to heave another huge sigh of relief.

* * *

Cook opened the oven door and nervously reached in to pull out the baking tin while the others stood by, holding their collective breaths. Emily couldn't bring herself to look and closed her eyes, crossed her fingers and prayed silently but desperately that it had finally worked this time.

This was Cook's third attempt that morning to produce an acceptable chocolate sponge cake which more or less replicated the one baked by Emily for Cook's birthday. None of the girls expected Cook to take to the art of baking cakes like a duck to water. Equally, though, none of them could have imagined that it would take the entire morning and just about every ounce of their frayed patience and tolerance to get him to learn the basics well enough to have even half a chance of producing something that would pass muster for a chocolate sponge cake.

Cook undoubtedly had hidden talents, like most people did, but clearly his were so well hidden that it was going to take a gargantuan effort on the part of someone one day to discover what they were. Without a shadow of a doubt cooking was unlikely to feature prominently on the list of surprising discoveries to be made about James Cook in later life.

Already that day Cook had almost managed to blow up the oven, damn near poison the girls with his first attempt at a culinary masterpiece and, in the course of the morning, had used up practically all the eggs, flour and cocoa powder that they had managed to cobble together from the kitchen's supplies. The girls' patience was wearing terribly thin when he started his last attempt for time was beginning to run out if they were to get to the pub in time. The old saying about not teaching your grandmother to suck eggs had effectively been replaced in the minds of the girls by teaching Cook not to break eggs as it had taken him what seemed like a lifetime to learn how to crack open an egg without breaking the yolk.

'Cook! You had better fucking get it right this time! We've only got an hour and a half before we have to get over to the pub!' cried Naomi in a mild hysteria.

She might have known their brave, yet utterly madcap plan was doomed to failure if it had to rely heavily on Cook showing manual dexterity, a cool head and a willingness to listen and learn. These had not hitherto been admirable traits which Cook had shown much flair or propensity for displaying on a regular basis. We're doomed, Naomi herself, after watching Cook's first two attempts with hands clasped across her face to hide the horror and frustration she was feeling deep down inside

As Cook looked down without a great deal of confidence at the baking tin and then after a few anxious seconds slowly raised his head, a huge broad smile broke out across his face and his eyes seemed to genuinely light up with pleasure at his accomplishment. The three 'girls' let out tiny screams of delight and rushed over to him to seek confirmation that he wasn't playing a cruel trick on them by winding them up. If he had been it's a pretty good bet that whatever it was that lay in the baking tin would have been firmly pushed into his face by any one of the girls in justified indignation.

'At last!' sighed Effy with relief as Emily and Naomi started doing a little jig of their own around the kitchen, swapping high fives and manically waving their hands in the air like they were celebrating a goal at a football match.

'About bloody time, Cook!' said Naomi, shaking her head in barely concealed irritation, though dwarfed by her feelings of happiness. 'I thought you'd never manage it, I have to admit.'

'Hey come on girls,' said the redhead in mock resentment at their display of little faith. 'When have I ever let you down and not come through with the goods? When Cookie sets his mind to something, he always gets there in the end. I don't give up easily, you know.'

'Hey, guys, come on,' said Effy, bringing them all back to earth and trying to ensure they didn't get too carried away with the success of this initial victory. 'This is only the start, you know. We've still got to get to the pub and play out the rest of the day according to plan. Cook, you've got to make sure Katie doesn't let us down, okay?'

'I've already done that. She wasn't too happy but I reckon she'll play ball if you all back me up.' Cook looked at the others, seeking reassurance that they would help him out with the moody and temperamental Fitch sister and was relieved to see them all nodding.

'I've already got Freddie, JJ and Panda to agree to meet us there,' added Effy, smiling. 'They don't understand what this is all about but I told them they have to be there or else we're all fucked.'

'As I was the last one to arrive on Cook's birthday,' pointed out Naomi, 'I'll hang around outside the pub and make sure everyone goes in in the right order.'

'Come on guys! We can do this! We've _got _to do it for Emily and Cook!' Effy's final rallying cry to gee up the troops acted as a massive motivational spur to them all and they moved to make their final arrangements to leave the Fitch house full of hope and optimism, though not without a considerable amount of silent prayers being offered up to who knows what God or higher power they might have believed in.

* * *

Seven familiar faces looked at each other as they sat around the same two tables in the corner of Cook's uncle's pub just as they were only a few weeks ago. Three of them knew exactly what was going on while the other four, Freddie JJ, Pandora and an extremely pissed off, confused and impatient Katie, were bewildered and baffled by what appeared to be a deliberate attempt by the other three at recreating a very recent and underwhelming episode in their recent past.

'What the fuck are we doing here?' asked Katie for the umpteenth time since she had been almost dragged along totally against her will to the pub by her sister, Effy, Cook and, worst of all for her, Naomi. 'Cook' got up and went to the bar to order the Tequila Slammers as 'he' had done the last time, leaving Effy and 'Emily' to think up a story which Katie would go along with, even if she wouldn't understand or believe it.

'Look, Katie,' said Effy calmly whilst trying to force a warm smile at the bolshy redhead who had made it quite plain from the start that she was only there under extreme protest and that she would bugger off without so much as a by your leave if she didn't see the point of what they were doing. 'It's really simple. We have to recreate the events of Cook's birthday, down to the last detail. There's a really good reason for it but you wouldn't believe it if we told you so we're not going to even bother trying. We just need you to trust us on this. It's REALLY, REALLY important.'

'Who is 'we'?' asked Freddie, turning an enquiring look on Effy.

'We is me, Emily, Cook and Naomi who's coming in a little later.'

'I thought I saw her outside when we came in,' said JJ. 'Why didn't she come in with us?' He was intrigued but completely baffled by this game they seemed to be playing but was more than happy to go along with it if that's what Effy wanted them to do. But there again JJ would have jumped through a burning hoop or swam through shark-infested waters if Effy had begged him to do it so his ready agreement came as no great surprise to Freddie and Cook who alone knew of the young lad's infatuation with the mysterious, tall brunette.

'Because she's got to come in after we've knocked back the tequilas, like she did on Cook's birthday,' explained Effy patiently. 'Everything has to happen just like it did then.'

'But why?' repeated a far from convinced Katie who couldn't see what the point of this all was or what she would get out of it. The thought of having to spend another afternoon in the pub with the gang, doing exactly the same as they did not all that long ago and especially having to put up with Naomi at such close proximity, wasn't doing it for her at all. She would much rather have been getting down and dirty with Danny back at his place than taking part in some pointless, pathetic, childish game of déjà vu.

'Please, Katie,' begged 'Cook' as 'he' returned with the tray full of tequilas. 'We don't want to tell you the reason because you'll seriously freak out if we do.'

'You'll be really glad tomorrow you went along with it if everything turns out how we hope it will, trust me,' said 'Emily' with a cheeky grin. 'I promise you I'll be completely back to my normal old self if you go along with this. That is what you want more than anything, isn't it? Me not embarrassing you any more or showing you up in front of all your friends?'

'Yeah, of course,' said a still suspicious Katie. 'But how can all this make that happen? It's just too weird and ridiculous. I've got no idea what stupid game you're playing but I can't be bothered to figure it out. Can we just get this over and done with so I can get back home?'

Emily heaved a huge sigh of relief that Katie was at last prepared to put up with their plan, despite her obvious irritation and confusion and considerable scepticism that it would have the slightest effect on her sister's recent outlandish behaviour.

The tequilas were eventually downed by all concerned, although it took Emily a huge amount of willpower and courage to knock back all the glasses of the fiery potent liquid that Cook had so nonchalantly and effortlessly checked down his throat on his birthday. It also took her about five minutes to do it, as opposed to the thirty seconds or so that it took Cook to consume the same amount last time.

Freddie and JJ exchanged puzzled glances as they observed their best mate and long standing drinking partner at close quarters. The Cook they knew had a frightening yet justifiable reputation for drinking anyone and everyone under the table. Yet here he was struggling before their very eyes, not for the first time in recent memory, to put away what they would have considered to have been a very average alcohol intake which he had successfully achieved with consummate ease only a few weeks previously. They didn't know what to make of it. This was not the normal Cook.

The door to the pub opened and Naomi entered to a surly and lengthy glare from Katie but to much cheering from the others, particularly Effy, Emily and Cook.

The blonde took her place as before next to Freddie, JJ and Cook, though this time she wasn't greeted with the same crass joke from 'Cook' about his cock being the cure for her lesbianism. It had been agreed earlier in the day that there was probably no need for the conversation to be exactly the same on the previous occasion and Naomi had made it clear that if anyone did come out with the same remark she would walk straight back out of the pub and to hell with the consequences for Cook and Emily.

The moment had come for 'Emily' to produce the double chocolate chip cookie cake that had caused him so much grief that morning. He duly laid it proudly on the table to a round of applause from everyone and pushed it firmly towards 'Cook', inviting her to tuck in as he had so unashamedly done on his birthday.

'You're not going to eat the whole lot again, are you, Cook? Surely you couldn't be that greedy and selfish again?' Katie said out loud in simple, straightforward language exactly what Freddie, JJ and Pandora were thinking at that very moment.

Emily looked down at the cake which, although not nearly as big and thick as the one she had baked Cook, was still a considerable and thoroughly daunting proposition for her to contemplate taking on. Although she now had Cook's strongly built body and constitution of an ox to give her much needed strength and stamina, she was still very nervous at the prospect and highly dubious that she would be able to manage it on her own.

But she had to try it for her own sake and for Cook's as well. If she still had thoughts and dreams of getting closer to Naomi then she knew it was essential that she rediscovered her true identity again as she couldn't face the prospect of trying to forge a friendship or any more intimate relationship with her in Cook's body.

'I have to guys, I'm sorry. Everything has to be the same as last time. I'm not doing it because I want to. I'm doing it because I have to.'

She looked across with nervous, uncertain eyes at Naomi and Effy who both smiled at her, nodded and whispered encouragements to her. 'Go on, you can do it.'

'Go on, my son, get stuck in!' shouted 'Emily', anxious to be seen playing an active part in encouraging Emily but secretly wishing that he could take her place and scoff the whole lot again himself.

'Cook' stretched out a hand towards the chocolate cake and after holding it just above the surface for a short while as she summoned up the courage and thought positive things, she plunged it into the gooey soft sponge and grabbed hold of a huge handful which she began to feast on slowly and carefully.

She had already decided she was going to take her time. Effy and Naomi had reassured she was under no pressure to eat the cake as swiftly, noisily and ravenously as Cook had done. She could take all afternoon if she wanted so long as she cleared the plate eventually. It wasn't a time trial or a speed –eating contest with Cook, they reminded her. She just had to do what he had done and eat the whole fucking lot without anyone else having so much as a tiny morsel..

Would she succeed, though? Had Emily bitten off more than she could chew? Could she really have her cake and eat it?


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: Effy, Naomi and Emily meet up with Cook at the Fitch house to offer 'Emily' encouragement as he tries to bake a cake which he finally succeeds in doing. The gang meet up at Cook's uncle's pub to recreate the scene of Cook's birthday party and the cake is produced for 'Cook' to attempt to eat all on her own.

* * *

It had been almost forty minutes since Emily had started tucking into the double chocolate chip cake that Cook had miraculously managed to bake that morning and she was still only about a third of the way through it. It wasn't a case of Emily not being a big fan of chocolate cake – quite the opposite, in fact, she loved it - nor was her slowness at eating it down to the fact that the cake wasn't particularly good. Whilst Cook was never going to win any culinary design awards or get an invite onto Ready Steady Cook (!), he had succeeded in producing a passable imitation of Emily's original impressive effort.

It was simply the sheer volume of cake consumption required of her that was presenting Emily with such a daunting proposition. Normally she could wolf down a couple of generously proportioned slices without any trouble at all but she would always refuse a third helping for fear of quickly bloating herself out and, even worse still, throwing up that extra portion within minutes of forcing it down her throat. As she surveyed the substantial amount of cake still left for her to consume, she experienced a sickly feeling in her stomach which perfectly complemented the increasing nervous and apprehensive sensations she was feeling in her head. She wasn't at all convinced she had the stomach for the task, quite literally!

'You're doing brilliantly, Cook,' encouraged Naomi, flashing a big smile of admiration and encouragement at Emily. 'Keep going. Take your time, there's no rush.'

'Naomi's right, there's no hurry. Take as many breathers as you want. It's important to pace yourself over the afternoon.' Effy could sense that Emily was just beginning to struggle a bit. She reckoned she was probably in dire need of some positive comments and encouragement from the rest of the gang if she wasn't to duck out of the mission and the brunette was determined to give her friend all the support she could. However there was at least one person there who clearly wasn't intent on giving 'Cook' all the backing that 'he' needed.

'For fuck's sake! I'm **not** going to sit here all afternoon watching Cook eat his way through an entire cake again! At this rate it could take for hours!' Katie had decided she had to make it very clear how she stood on the prospect of spending a whole thrilling afternoon doing nothing but watch one person eat a cake all on his own. This was not how she would have chosen to pass away her valuable time when she could have been enjoying herself rolling around with Danny.

'Shut up, Katie,' said an angry Naomi, who was getting more and more pissed off with the older twin's negativity and impatience. She wanted to really let rip at the girl for being such an obnoxious pig towards her sister but knew she couldn't. For one thing Katie wasn't aware that 'Cook' was actually really her sister and secondly she was worried that if she did throw caution to the wind and tell Katie exactly what she thought of her then the older twin might get up and leave. Naomi had bought into this surreal and outrageous plan of Effy's one hundred per cent now and was convinced that their efforts to reverse the original transformation process would fail if any of the birthday party crowd left before Emily had finally eaten all the cake. Therefore she had to accept that Katie would need to stay and Naomi would have to bite her tongue to a large extent.

'No, I fucking won't! _You_ shut up. Just because you're not interested in boys doesn't mean all of us girls have got to keep you company all day. If you think I would rather sit here with you watching Cook eat a cake than be out with my boyfriend, then you're even more of a freak and a weirdo than I thought.'

'Katie, this isn't helping, you know,' said 'Cook' in a small, sad voice which caused Freddie and JJ to look first at 'Cook' and then at each other in silent amazement. This was a seriously out of sorts best mate they were observing that afternoon. Freddie couldn't stop himself from making the astute observation that seemed to have escaped everyone else.

'How come you're making such a meal of eating the whole cake, Cook? Only a few weeks ago you wolfed the whole thing down in front of us all in about fifteen minutes.'

Emily looked at Naomi and Effy for help. She didn't know how to answer Freddie's very pertinent and awkward question without giving the game away. She was breathing heavily and looking hard at the cake, trying to gauge how big the next helping should be that she would attempt to force down her throat.

'So you think it's a piece of piss eating a whole cake that size, do you, Freddie?' asked Naomi with just a touch of sarcasm.

'Well, no, I suppose not. I mean, I couldn't. But Cook had no trouble polishing it off last time. I just don't understand why he's finding it so difficult today, that's all.'

'I'll get there, don't you worry. I just need a bit of time, that's all. And I could do without you all putting pressure on me.' Emily took a deep breath and reached out a hand to pick up the next large chunk of the cake and brought it slowly to her mouth before tucking in once more. This latest slice meant that practically half the cake had now been eaten and she tried to take some encouragement from that simple bit of mathematical analysis.

'I don't understand why it's so important for Cook to do this,' said a confused JJ. 'What did you mean when you said you had to do it if we wanted to see the old Cook again?'

'JJ, please stop asking all these questions. Right now what Cook needs is our support and encouragement, not the fucking Spanish Inquisition.' Naomi was getting fed up with everyone's suspicions and negative attitude and was desperately trying to rally round her friend who she sensed was buckling under the weight of expectation that was being forced upon her. Emily was doing so well, she thought. Why couldn't they all just leave her alone! It simply wasn't fair! Give the girl a break!

* * *

'Cook' took a succession of really deep breaths and was unable to keep back any longer the burp that 'he' had been desperately trying to suppress for the last five very uncomfortable minutes. Out it came with incredible ferocity and volume and it took all the others so much by surprise that one or two of them gasped in open-mouthed astonishment before they all burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Even Katie was moved to smile and join in the general shared amusement as Emily instinctively put her hand to her mouth in embarrassment and mumbled a short apology.

'I'm sorry, guys. I couldn't hold that in any longer.'

'Do you feel better for that, now?' asked a concerned Naomi who, despite having laughed at the impressive belching display along with all the others, was now feeling sorry she had done so and was trying to cover up her shame by trying to turn it into a positive action.

Emily puffed out her cheeks and said 'I think so. My stomach was really starting to hurt before. It feels a bit better for having got that out.'

There was now only a quarter of the chocolate cake remaining and yet Emily was convinced she couldn't force another piece of it into her mouth. She was utterly sick of the sight of that cake now and doubted whether she would ever be able to eat chocolate cake again after this day. It really did seem to be true that you _can_ have too much of a good thing, she concluded with a tinge of disappointment. She wondered randomly if that applied to sex as well. Maybe it depended who you were having sex with?

'Well, I 'm bored out of my mind AND I'm absolutely starving,' said Katie. 'I'm sure you can spare _one_ piece of cake, Cook.' She stretched out an arm towards the middle of the table, clearly intent on helping herself to a piece of the cake. 'Emily' was sitting right next to her and so was in prime position to grab Katie's arm firmly as Naomi, Effy and 'Cook' all yelled out 'No!' 'No, you don't Katie,' said 'Emily', pulling 'her' sister back, as the older twin tried to fight off her sister whilst swearing and shouting with mounting rage.

'Get off me, Emily! Don't you fucking tell me what I can and can't do! If I want a piece of that cake, I'll have one. None of you have the right to stop me!'

'We don't have the right, Katie, we're just asking you not to have any of it. Please, for our sake, do it as a favour to us, will you?' Effy intervened in a calm, controlled manner, aware that Katie was on the verge of laying waste to all their plans and realising that a delicate, diplomatic touch was needed to diffuse a potentially explosive and disastrous situation.

'Why is it so fucking important? And how come you and Naomi are as thick as thieves all of a sudden? Why are you being so secretive and evasive about this stupid cake thing and how does it involve Cook and Emily? What the fuck is going on?'

Katie's barrage of questions, delivered seemingly in one long breathless rush of pent-up frustration and emotion, silenced the gang who looked at each other to see who was going to calm down a clearly wound up Katie who looked on the point of losing her temper altogether. Naomi's heart sunk and she looked over at Effy who was shaking her head in mild irritation at Katie's little tantrum.

'Katie, calm down, stop making such a big deal out of this. Nobody's trying to have a go at you, you know. We want you to be with us on this, not against us. We all need to stick together and help Cook to get through this.'

'This is ridiculous! I'm not hanging around a minute longer to listen to all this bollocks. I'm off.'

Katie stood up and started to make her way towards the door with a real sense of purpose. Her sullen expression and firmly closed mouth suggested she was struggling hard to control her temper. She had scarcely got half way there before Naomi had intercepted her and barred her way to a dramatically stroppy exit.

'You're not going anywhere just yet, Katie. Don't be so fucking selfish! You say you love your sister and yet you're going to abandon her just when she needs your support most. What sort of sisterly love is that?'

Katie stared at Naomi with a look that could have killed her on the spot. She didn't bother to hide her contempt and her loathing for the platinum blonde who was daring to call into question her love for her twin. In her eyes that was the ultimate insult and she had no intention of letting that pass without the most severe retribution.

'How fucking dare you, you revolting dyke! Don't you EVER question how much I care about Emily! What do you know about real feelings, you sad, pathetic lezza. Emily wouldn't touch you with a bargepole; she's not remotely interested in you! You're such a sad, deluded, lonely head case, you know. Now get out of my way.'

All eyes were riveted on the two girls who were standing virtually nose to nose, each refusing to take a backward step in this titanic confrontation, this no holds barred clash of the Amazons from which it was not obvious who was going to emerge as the winner.

'PLEASE don't start, you two!' begged JJ who, as a gentle, quiet soul, hated confrontation of any kind. 'Come and sit down, please. This isn't helping.'

'You've got a fucking nerve calling me sad and pathetic,' sneered Naomi, eyes blazing resentment and contempt, which more than masked her embarrassment at Katie's implication that she fancied Emily. 'You're the pathetic one, throwing yourself all over that useless, brain dead, creep of a boyfriend just because he's a footballer. All you care about is your image and how popular you can make yourself. You don't give a shit about other people really. All you're interested in is yourself.'

Katie had heard enough. She went bright red in the face, which more than matched the blushing cheeks of Naomi after Katie's previous jibes, and threw out a hand to slap Naomi on the side of her face. She missed by the merest of fractions only because Naomi must have anticipated it and skilfully ducked her head to one side to avoid the blow. That failure to land a clean hit only served to infuriate Katie all the more and she threw herself at the blonde, pushing her violently backwards so that Naomi fell down onto the floor of the pub, crashing into an empty table and immediately capturing the attention of the other drinkers who up until that moment had been studiously ignoring the burgeoning tensions that had been building up within the group of 'friends'.

The others, with the notable exception of one person, all got up out of their seats and rushed over to try to separate the two girls who were now screaming at the top of their voices and trading really venomous insults with each other and were literally at each others throats. Freddie and 'Emily' were the first to get to the two seething warriors and between them they managed to pull the girls off each other and forced them apart, getting in between the two and shouting at them to calm down and knock it off.

After a while the two 'boys' finally persuaded the girls to shut the fuck up and stop screaming further abuse at each other. Peace and quiet broke out to general relief as everyone took a moment to get their breath back after such a dramatic scene. It was quite a surprise therefore when the uneasy, strained atmosphere was broken by 'Cook', who alone had remained seated at the table while the fight was in progress, announcing proudly with an unmistakeable note of triumph in 'his' voice, 'I've finished it!'

Again all eyes swivelled round to 'Cook' who they had completely forgotten about temporarily, so utterly distracted had they become by the Katie and Naomi catfight. The guy was beaming from ear to ear as 'he' indicated with one hand the empty plate on which previously an entire double chocolate chip cake had once dared to challenge 'his' resilience, determination and stamina. With the exception of a still fuming Katie, who was being held back from flying at Naomi by a watchful Freddie, the whole gang started cheering, whooping and clapping and they returned to the table to congratulate 'Cook'.

However they had barely reached Emily before her delighted and proud expression began to change and her eyes betrayed a concern and an anguish which could only mean one thing. She put her hands to her mouth and stood up quickly, her eyes looking frantically around her for something. She was beginning to retch and her shoulders were heaving as she fought to control that feeling one has deep down inside when one knows one is going to be violently ill.

She tore across the room, sending a couple of chairs flying in the process, and violently pushed open the door to the ladies toilet and flew inside. Within seconds of her disappearing from view the unambiguous sounds of a person throwing up violently could be heard loud and clear as the rest of the gang looked at each other with anxious, sombre expressions.

'What the fuck has he gone into the _ladies _for?' said a perplexed Freddie who in the shock of 'Cook's' unexpected exit had loosened his hold on Katie for a few split seconds. It was enough time for the redhead to wriggle free from his grasp and run over to the door of the pub, pausing only to throw one or two final choice words at Naomi before opening the door and similarly disappearing out of sight. 'Emily' made a move to go after her but Effy put a hand on 'her' shoulder and shook her head.

'Don't bother, let her go. We don't need her here any more now. The job's been done, the cake's been eaten.'

'It sounds like most of it's coming back up again,' said a concerned Naomi, simultaneously relieved that Katie had now left them but genuinely concerned about how Emily was. 'I'm going in to see if Cook's alright,' she said and made her way over to the toilet from where the odd disturbing, retching noise could still be heard. The blonde slowly went through the door and closed it behind d her, leaving the others to catch their breath after an eventful and highly emotional afternoon which was finally beginning to come to an end.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note**

Previously on Boy Meets Girl Meets Skins: 'Cook' began her daunting task of eating the whole chocolate cake single-handed. Katie got into a fight with Naomi after she tried to eat a piece of the cake herself and both girls had to be prised apart by the rest of the gang. 'Cook' finally succeeded in eating the entire cake but almost immediately had to run to the ladies to be violently sick. Katie left the pub after directing a volley of abuse at Naomi who went to comfort 'Cook' in the toilet.

* * *

'How do you feel now?' asked Naomi, as she sat next to Emily on the floor of the cubicle with an arm casually draped around her shoulders. It had been almost fifteen minutes since Naomi had entered the ladies' to see how Emily was but more than five minutes since her friend had last vomited any more of the cake.

'Better,' replied Emily, still in a slightly shaky voice as she forced a weak, yet still warm and genuine smile at her blonde companion. Emily was so grateful that Naomi had come in to see how she was. Not that she enjoyed throwing up in front of people, far from it. Being violently sick is an activity that is probably best done without an audience of any description but if she had to do it in front of anyone she would have chosen Naomi rather than any other person in the world.

'Do you think you might be sick again?' Naomi looked at Emily closely to see if some colour was returning to her cheeks and was relieved to note that she definitely looked much less pale and sickly than she had done when she had joined her in the toilet. She had stopped heaving and retching and was seemed to be breathing a good deal more normally now.

'I don't think so. Besides, I don't think there's any more of the cake to bring up,' she said with a wry grin, turning her face towards Naomi as she made the joke. Naomi grinned back at her and Emily thought this was perhaps the right moment to take a chance and lean in against the blonde a little more. She held her breath as she did so, fearing that Naomi might resist her bold advance and lean back away from her to maintain the same slight distance between the two of them but to Emily's silent relief and joy she didn't. Instead Naomi allowed Emily to settle snugly into the side of her body and Emily positively glowed with pleasure at the feeling of the blonde girl's warm, sensual body pressing up against her own.

Unfortunately this immediately heightened sensation of sexual excitement that suddenly rippled through Emily's body, causing her to tingle with desire all over, had a sadly predictable but hugely embarrassing effect on the redhead. She could sense an immense stirring in the area of her groin and before she could think 'you horny little cow' she knew she had a full blown erection on her hands, or rather in her trousers. Instinctively and hurriedly she went to cross her legs in an attempt to hide it from view, terrified that Naomi might notice it and promptly get up screaming and backing away from her in disgust.

Fortunately it appeared that Naomi's attention was directed somewhere other than Emily's crotch at that moment. After concentrating extremely hard for a few moments on horrible, depressing and completely non-sexual thoughts, Emily managed to make the offending erection go away, though she wasn't sure for how long. She was still cosily snuggled up against Naomi and the sensual warmth of the young girl's shapely body and the gorgeous smell of her perfume and her breath on her neck were soon beginning to drive her wild with excitement all over again. This was no good, she concluded. She couldn't stay like this for much longer – not without running the risk of thoroughly embarrassing herself and freaking out Naomi.

Not for the first time Emily found herself feeling a little bit sorry for guys who frequently had to struggle to conceal the obvious physical manifestations of their sexual urges and desires at wholly inappropriate moments. At least if she was a girl again her strong feelings of desire and lust for Naomi wouldn't have been quite so obvious and physically noticeable.

'I think I 'm well enough to get out of here now,' said Emily and she slowly got herself up on her feet, helped by an attentive Naomi who steadied her as she did so, putting a comforting arm around her waist.

'If you're sure, Ems,' said Naomi, smiling at her again, which melted Emily's already rapidly beating heart still further. 'What do you want to do? Do you want to go back and join the others?'

'I'm not sure if I can face the piss-taking about throwing up. I think I'd rather go straight home.'

'Home being……where, exactly?' Naomi had a point, Emily had to admit. She longed to go back to her real home and get some tlc from her Mum and Dad, even if not Katie, but she knew she couldn't – not still looking like Cook. It would have to be Cook's own drab, uninspiring student accommodation where she would seek refuge and wait with ever increasing tension and nervousness to see if the master plan had worked.

Emily was desperate not to spend the rest of the evening on her own but she couldn't face being with the whole gang any more despite the moody and argumentative Katie having left the scene. What she wanted more than anything else was to spend the rest of the day with Naomi but she was almost too scared to ask her in case she said no. She knew she would feel so lonely if Naomi declined her offer to come back with her but she willed herself to throw aside her usual shyness and lack of self-confidence and just ask her.

'Back to Cook's place, I guess. I can't see Mum and Dad welcoming me with open arms into their family just yet. Will you come with me? Please!'

Naomi looked at Emily's gently pleading expression which looked so incongruous and comical accompanied by Cook's masculine features and burst out laughing.

'What?' asked a momentarily stunned Emily, although Naomi's infectious giggling soon started her off in similar fashion and both girls ended up in fits of laughter.

'You wouldn't believe…….. how hilarious it looks……. to see you talking like that with Cook's face on,' chuckled Naomi in between huge guffaws of laughter.

'Like what?' replied Emily, still giggling, as much at Naomi's reaction as at her words.

'You know…like a girl!' She proceeded to mimic Emily's words in Cook's deep masculine voice but in deliberately exaggerated fashion. 'Pleeeease come back home with me, pretty pleeease!'

Both girls were now hanging on to the wash basins for dear life and were literally having to hold their sides because it hurt so much to carry on laughing. Soon Emily could feel a stitch coming on, so hard were they giggling and they both needed a minute or two to compose themselves before resuming their conversation.

'Do you _really_ want me to go back with you, Emily?' asked Naomi in a serious tone and Emily nodded silently, looking the blonde girl full in the eyes as she crossed her fingers behind her back and prayed she would agree.

'Okay, then. Let's go, shall we?' Emily would have been tempted to let out a scream of delight if her stomach hadn't started hurting again, a renewed aching which presumably had not been helped by the hysterical fits of giggling she had been indulging in just then. Emily paused for a few seconds to look at herself in the mirror, adjusted her hair, wiped her face with a tissue and made sure she was properly dressed before following Naomi out of the ladies toilet and back into the pub.

* * *

'Jesus Christ! How the hell have you put up with living in this dump?' Naomi was looking around Cook's bed-sit with a look of complete revulsion and disbelief etched all over her face.

'God knows. I've spent as little time here as possible. Basically I've only come back here to sleep at night.' Emily wrinkled her nose and pulled a face as she looked at Naomi who was stretched out on the bed just a few tantalising inches away from her. She was fighting hard with her feelings of desire, trying not to stare too obviously at the tall, slim blonde but it was proving a difficult challenge. Naomi was just so damn hot that she could look at her all day, given half a chance, if she knew she could get away with it without being noticed.

'I don't blame you. It's so…….' Naomi searched for the right word to describe the awfulness of the room they were in but in vain. No one single word seemed sufficient to do the place justice or could adequately encapsulate the many appalling impressions it gave to anyone who had the misfortune to have to live in it.

'Shitty? Depressing? Cold and uninviting?' Emily gave a few suggestions at random, all of which she had used at some time or other to sum the place up in her own mind over the last few weeks.

'Yeah, all of them. It's so not….. you!'

'Well, at least you're here to brighten the room up. That makes it so much more bearable.'

Naomi looked across at Emily and gave a half grin before quickly turning her face away as if to indicate that she didn't take what Emily had just said too seriously.

'No, seriously, Naomi. You're the only person I've brought back here since……..well since it all happened and this is the first time I've wanted to stay in here for more than five minutes.'

'Thanks,' said Naomi smiling across at Emily whose heart started to flutter again at the warmth of the blonde girl's smile which sent a little shiver up her spine. The two fell silent for a while and Naomi leant her bed back on the bed and looked hard up at the ceiling as if seeking divine intervention on Emily's behalf. 'Do you really think it's going to work tonight?'

'Oh God, Naomi, I hope so. I don't think I could bear if it doesn't. I can't face the thought of being Cook another day longer. I miss being me SO much it hurts. I miss my Mum and Dad, I miss my little bedroom, even if I do have to share it with Katie, and I miss being a girl. I hate being a guy, it's fucking horrible.'

'I miss you being a girl too.'

'Really? I thought you might have preferred me as a guy. At least as a guy I can't embarrass you like I did as a girl.'

'You didn't embarrass me……. not really.' Naomi's voice had changed to almost a whisper during the course of the conversation and she hadn't once looked over at Emily since they broke the last period of silence. 'Actually I quite liked the chance it gave me to wind Katie up and piss her off sometimes.'

Emily let out an involuntary snigger which made Naomi turn her head and smile at Emily again, although a little shyly for once. Emily closed her eyes tight shut at the sight of that beautiful smile of Naomi's that filled her heart with such overwhelming happiness and yet sheer, agonising frustration at the same time that she couldn't keep her emotions in check any longer. She gave a little cry, almost a wail in fact and started sobbing uncontrollably, burying her head in her hands to hide away the misery of the dilemma she was in.

Naomi immediately crawled over on the bed towards her and wrapped her arms around Emily, holding her so tightly that Emily could feel every inch of her curves and contours on the upper half of her body. She stroked Emily's hair, whispered 'It'll be okay, Ems, I promise you,' and 'Please don't cry, everything's going to be fine, you'll see,' repeatedly in her ear and generally comforted the weeping young girl for a good two or three minutes until Emily felt that she had cried herself out enough.

Even when her sobbing had finally subsided Naomi still didn't make any move to let go of her but continued to hold her close, stroking her face and hair and softly telling her everything was going to be fine. Emily couldn't remember when she had last experienced such a sharp contrast in emotions all at the same time – utter misery and despair combined with an unimaginable joy and happiness. Despair at the thought that she might have to face a life as Cook for ever if things didn't right themselves overnight and yet unbridled joy at being physically and emotionally closer to Naomi right at that moment than she would have believed possible at the start of term.

Eventually Naomi loosened her hold on Emily and the redhead reluctantly drew herself back from the blonde, but not too far – their faces were still right up against each other, noses nearly touching and Emily could feel Naomi's hot, sweet breath blowing lightly against her face. She didn't know what on earth possessed her to ask the next question – it seemed to have a life all of its own and was out in the open before she could argue about whether this was the right time or the place to pose it.

'Do you think you could really like me as Cook? I mean, could you….. fancy me as a much sweeter, gentler, warmer, kinder version of Cook? Could you possibly face…. being with an Emily version of Cook?'

Naomi looked into Emily's wide, brown eyes which seemed to speak a thousand sorrows and agonies and bit her lip softly, always a sure sign that she was nervous and unsure about what to do or say.

'I…. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, it's possible I might, I suppose.'

Emily looked right into Naomi's beautiful blue eyes and then slowly down at her soft red lips and instinctively licked her own lips ever so slightly and so quickly Naomi thought at first it must have been a trick of the light or something. Then Emily ever so gently and almost in slow motion inclined her head to one side and brought her lips towards Naomi's while the blonde seemed riveted to the spot, unable or perhaps unwilling to move a muscle. Emily's lips touched Naomi's incredibly softly as they pressed lightly against one another before moving away a fraction yet still staying within kissing range.

Emily was holding her breath out of fear and nervousness that Naomi would recoil, disgusted at what she had done but she didn't. With her heart pounding furiously Emily moved in a second time to repeat the kiss, only this time making it last a little longer and putting a lot more passion and sensuality into it as she took enormous encouragement from the fact that Naomi hadn't backed away one inch from her position. She closed her eyes again as she went in boldly for this second kiss and almost let out a squeal of pleasure when she felt Naomi put a hand around her waist, even though she was fervently regretting that she was lumbered with Cook's much less tiny and slender waist compared with her own.

Emily couldn't be absolutely sure how many times they kissed before they finally pulled themselves apart to take a much needed breather from the incredible excitement that they had been generating. She thought it might have been six or seven times but quite honestly she had completely lost all awareness of what was happening to her other than focusing on the indisputable fact that she was actually kissing Naomi time after time. These moments of pure ecstasy which went way beyond her wildest dreams seemed to have more than compensated for the last miserable few weeks during which she had had to endure emotionally a hundred deaths a day stuck inside the body of James Cook.

'Was that nice?' Emily asked in barely more than a whisper after they had pulled back from each other enough to be able to look each other in the eyes again.

'It was….kind of strange, I guess,' stammered Naomi, in a total daze.

'How do you mean, strange? Strange as in unpleasant or strange as in nice?' Emily could hardly bear to wait for the answer which came hesitantly from Naomi after a few seconds silence which felt like a lifetime to Emily.

'Oh, strange – nice, I think. It was like… kissing a guy but… not like kissing a guy at the same time. It was like a kissing a very sweet and gentle guy who doesn't kiss like a guy but more like a girl, I suppose. Not that I know what it's like to kiss a girl, of course, but I would imagine that's how a girl would kiss.'

'So, it wasn't the most revolting thing you've ever done in your life even though you know it's really me you were kissing?'

'I suppose not. No…it definitely wasn't the least bit revolting.'

Emily was filling up inside with happiness and just about resisted the temptation to throw herself on top of Naomi and smother with even more strange-nice kisses that were not quite like a guy kissing her. But she wisely held back, not wanting to destroy the wonderful moment they had just shared.

'Can we lie down on the bed and cuddle up together? I'm feeling very tired all of a sudden and really need to have a rest. _Please_ say you will. I really don't want you to leave me on my own tonight. I'm so scared at what might happen later on, I don't want to be alone and I don't want to face this with anyone else but you, Naomi.'

Naomi smiled at Emily's plainly emotional plea from the heart and nodded. They stretched out on the bed side by side and as the bed was really only big enough for one person with any degree of genuine comfort, they snuggled right up against each other, just lying there in complete silence. After a few minutes, Naomi asked 'Are you comfortable enough?' to which Emily replied in all honesty, 'Well, I guess the bed isn't made for two really, but I'm fine.'

Naomi lifted up an arm and put it round Emily's shoulders, making it as obvious as she could without actually putting it into words that she was inviting Emily to cuddle up even closer to her. As a light-headed Emily, almost giddy with longing and desire, responded by turning into Naomi's side even closer and burying her head into Naomi's chest, the blonde girl slipped her other hand around Emily's waist. They lay there wrapped in each other's arms like that for what seemed to Emily like ages, chatting quietly from time to time about all sorts of inconsequential and silly things until they both eventually drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Naomi blinked several times through half open eyes as the sunlight streamed in through the cracks in the curtains and made her squint under the strength of its rays. She yawned inadvertently and stretched out her arms to set in motion her usual waking up ritual which normally took at least five minutes to complete before she felt ready and willing to confront a brand new day.

As she lay there trying to recall the last few moments of the previous day so as to enable her to put this new day into some sort of meaningful context, she gradually came to realise that she hadn't woken up in her normal surroundings. In fact she didn't recognise where the fuck she had woken up at all. She panicked for an instant and sat up hurriedly, looking around her to try to figure out where the hell she was. Then she remembered. This was Cook's room and she had been here last night with Emily, just the two of them all alone, lying on the bed together.

They had been talking and cuddling each other to sleep, that was right. Emily had been terrified of being alone last night, she remembered now, because it was the night that she was hoping to go to sleep as Cook and wake up as Emily once more.

FUCK!! JESUS CHRIST!

After letting out those highly understandable expletives as the full significance of the previous day's events and the crucial outcome of this new morning hit her like a ten ton truck, she cried out 'Emily?' at full volume but received nothing by way of an answer. There was clearly no-one else in the room – it was too small for anyone to be hiding in it and in any case why would anyone, least of all Emily – or was it still Cook? – want to be hiding from her? No, whoever had woken up next to her that morning had left the room, whether temporarily or for good. She was definitely all alone.

She got up and started to look around for her jumper which must have fallen on to the floor during the night as she eventually found it lying next to her shoes which she vaguely remembered slipping off when she and Emily got back there the previous evening. Suddenly she heard the sound of footsteps outside the room and she froze in something approaching icy terror and unbearable anticipation, waiting to see who was about to come through the door.

She watched, her eyes riveted to the frame of the door, as the door handle slowly turned and the door was pushed open to reveal the unmistakeable figure of James Cook standing in the doorway. She let out a small scream and put her hands to her mouth as Cook looked over at her, gave a huge, cheeky grin as he entered the bed-sit and closed the door behind him.

'Naomikins! What a wonderful surprise. How nice of you to wait for me to come back. I was afraid you were going to rush off without saying goodbye.'

Naomi's mouth dropped open and she stared at Cook, hardly daring to believe the evidence of her own ears and eyes. Could it be true? Was this the real Cook back as himself again? And if it was, this could mean only one thing – that Emily was back to being Emily as well? She was speechless with fear and apprehension, not trusting herself to speak in case she said the wrong thing or made a fool of herself in front of him – or her.

'What's up, Naomi? You look like you've seen a ghost! Are you alright?'

'Is it really you, Cook? It looks like you, it sounds just like you but how can I be sure it really is you?'

'Hey babe, do you want me to get my cock out again and prove who I am?''

Naomi groaned and stuck her fingers into her mouth, pretending to want to be sick.

'Okay, it's you, you've proved it. Only you could come out with something like that. So have you heard from Emily? PLEASE tell me she's back to being herself again as well.'

'What _are_ you talking about, Naomi? What do you mean, 'back to being herself again'?'

'Don't act dumb, Cook or at least don't act dumber than you normally are. If you're back to being Cook again, then Emily must be back as herself, right?'

Cook stared at the blonde with a look of utter confusion and bewilderment. 'I haven't got the foggiest idea what you're talking about, babe. You must have taken even more of that shit last night than I did. I thought I must have been off my head to pick a fight with Johnny White but obviously you're even more spaced out than me. Mind you, it was still a fucking ace birthday in the end.'

'What?!!' It was Naomi's turn now to stare at Cook open-mouthed in amazement and disbelief. 'What the fuck are you talking about, Cook? Your birthday was weeks ago!

Cook threw his head back and let rip a typical James Cook belly laugh. 'Jesus! How fucked up are you? My birthday was _yesterday,_ Naomi or have you forgotten it already?'

'So, if it was your birthday yesterday, what the fuck am I doing here, then?' Naomi's voice was shaking as she asked the question. She couldn't think what the answer to it could be that wouldn't freak her out, that's if Cook wasn't deliberately at his old tricks again, trying to wind her up .

'How should I know, babe. You just turned up a few hours ago and I let you in. We chatted for a bit and then we both fell asleep. I woke up, went out for a walk and came back to find you awake. Is last night really a complete blank for you?' He chuckled some more as he searched for his cigarettes, lit one and then, as an afterthought, held out the packet to Naomi to offer her one which she declined with a shake of her head.

Naomi felt a tremendous pain shoot through her entire body and had trouble catching her breath. It was almost as if someone had just punched her in the stomach and the effects of the blow were spreading to all other parts of her. She tried to speak several times but nothing would come out so she just went through the motions of opening and closing her mouth like some demented goldfish on acid. The room felt like it was spinning and she had a desperate need to get out and get some fresh air. Eventually she managed to speak and it was short and sweet.

.

You're dicking me about, Cook, talking out of your arse as usual. I'm not listening to any more of this bullshit, I'm off.'

'Suit yourself, babe.' Cook shrugged his shoulders, leaned back on his bed and puffed a few rings of smoke into the air and watched them as they gently climbed up the wall behind his bed. Naomi's mind was in such a confused whirl that she didn't even think to give Cook a bollocking for calling her 'babe' time and time again.

* * *

On her way home Naomi tried calling Emily on her mobile but to no avail so she just left a message, asking Emily to call her as soon as possible. She didn't know what to think about Cook's behaviour but she knew that she had to speak to Emily or preferably see her to put her mind at rest. When she got home, she showered, hoping the hot water would clear her confused and fogged up mind, dressed and was out of the house and cycling to college within half an hour.

When she got to college she tried phoning Emily again and this time she was in luck. Emily's unmistakeable voice came over loud and clear, much to her relief.

'Emily. How are you?' she began, realising that this was a pretty dumb way to start trying to found out what had happened since the previous night but she couldn't think of a better question to start with.

'Hi Naomi! Um, I'm fine. How are you? It's nice to hear from you.'

_Not a very promising beginning_, thought Naomi. _She's not giving much away wit_h that.

'Is everything alright with you now? I mean, are you your old self again?'

'Um, I suppose so. Do you mean, after what happened last night?'

Naomi suddenly felt much happier and more optimistic. _Was she going to tell her that the chocolate cake plan had worked and that she had reverted to being Emily once more?_ She crossed her fingers and closed her eyes in silent prayer.

'Well, I admit I was upset when you left the party so early but I'm over it now.'

'What party?' said Naomi, aghast. Her head began to spin out of control and she found she was holding her breath yet again.

'The engagement party we gate crashed, of course. Are you alright? Don't you remember? Surely you didn't get that wasted. You weren't there long enough.'

Naomi's heart was now racing at about a hundred miles an hour and she felt her knees shaking and her legs start to give way underneath her. She almost fell over with the shock of what Emily was saying to her. First Cook and now Emily. Both seemed intent on making her believe that the last few weeks had never happened and that they were back at the day after Cook's birthday when both of them were supposed to have woken up to find they had switched identities. **What the fuck was going on here**?

Naomi didn't know what to say next so she mumbled an excuse about having to go and said she would talk to Emily later and then hung up. She felt about as freaked out as she thought it was possible to feel without actually admitting to being a complete basket case. She stood rooted to the spot by her bike as dozens of other students appeared from all sides and went up the steps, making for the college entrance. _Hang_ _on,_ she thought_. For fuck's sake, she was being a complete idiot. Look at your phone, dickbrain! That'll tell you what day it is!_

She got out her mobile again and quickly checked to see what the date was. _OH MY GOD! FUCK ME!! It was the day after Cook's birthday!! _Now she felt like she was going to faint and she had to find a wall to sit on for a minute or two to take some incredibly deep breaths and calm herself down, which wasn't an easy thing to attempt considering her mental state at that moment. All the evidence seemed to be pointing to a whole part of her life having mysteriously been erased from existence.

The bell was ringing for the start of classes and she forced herself with an almighty effort of will power to get up from where she was slumped and dump her bike in its usual spot before heading for the college building and her first lesson.

* * *

Naomi had been looking at the clock on the wall almost constantly for the past ten minutes. Only another five minutes to go until class finished. She was practically willing the clock hands to race round to half past ten, so desperate was she to talk to Effy, who she instinctively knew held the key to the question of her own sanity. She hadn't had a chance to talk any further with Emily as she was last in to the classroom just as the lesson was about to begin.

She had managed to pass a note to Effy secretly during the class which asked if they could meet up straight after class finished and she had looked across at Effy and had noted her nod her head impassively. The brunette seemed fairly unconcerned and relaxed when she read the note and gave her reply but that meant nothing, Naomi thought. Effy was always cool and laid back about everything.

Eventually the class ended and never had Naomi been so keen to get out of a lesson to which she had paid absolutely no attention at all. Her mind was playing a thousand tricks and games on her and while the teacher was talking she had all the attention span of a goldfish, so preoccupied was she with trying to make sense of what had happened that morning, without reaching any meaningful, logical conclusion. She moved towards the door and made a motion with her head to Effy to indicate she wanted them to go off together and talk right away. She could see that Emily was hanging back, trying to wait for her so they could leave the room at the same time but Naomi ignored her attentions, not for the first time, it has to be said, and made off out of the room and headed off down the corridor, closely followed by Effy.

The tall blonde dived into the nearest empty classroom and impatiently waited for Effy to join her which she did after a few seconds, closing the door firmly behind her.

Naomi didn't waste any time, going straight to the point.

'Effy, have you spoken to Emily or Cook this morning?'

She nodded without any great fuss. 'Both of them, briefly.'

'And? Do they seem themselves again? Do they remember what happened to them?'

'They seem completely normal and neither of them had the faintest idea what I was talking about when I mentioned the cake and having switched their identities back.'

'Effy! What the fuck's going on here? Do you know what day it is today? It's the day AFTER Cook's birthday!'

'So it appears. Strange, isn't it? I wonder what happened to those last few weeks.'

Naomi wasn't sure what was freaking her out more – the apparent loss of three or four weeks of their lives or Effy's total lack of concern about it.

'Aren't you bothered about it? Why isn't it completely freaking you out like it is me? How can you be so laid back about it? It's as if the last few weeks which you and I experienced had never taken place, for fuck's sake!!'

'Look at it this way, Naomi. I don't pretend to have the faintest idea what's going on here. All I know is that the Cook and Emily that we knew before are back again and as far as I'm concerned that's all that matters. All's right with the world once more. If none of it makes any sense, who gives a fuck? I don't. Why should you?'

Naomi looked at Effy who was smiling at her and seemed even more relaxed, laid back and cooler than she had ever seen her. Why couldn't she be more like her in that way? Maybe that was her problem – always desperately searching for answers to everything when it wasn't really necessary to think so hard about everything. Just be. Just let things happen and accept that some things make no fucking sense at all and live with it.

'So you think we should just forget what we know has happened and carry on as before?'

Effy smiled again, grabbed Naomi gently by the hand and pulled her towards her as she headed for the door. 'Has anything seriously awful happened? Has anyone died?

No. So let's just get on with our lives, shall we? Besides, you've got enough on your plate with the present, never mind the past.'

'How do you mean?' said Naomi, intrigued by Effy's comment and feeling calmer and more contented than at any stage of that morning so far.

'Well, unless I'm very much mistaken, you've got a lovesick redhead waiting for you outside this classroom who desperately wants to carry your bag for you.'

* * *

**Author's Message**

As you may have guessed, this is the end of the Boy Meets Girl story! I've loved every minute of writing it and I hope those of you who have followed it all the way through to this point have enjoyed reading it. If you have any comments to make on this final chapter or the story as a whole I would love to hear from you. Big thanks to the many people who have sent me reviews already – you have been fantastic. I probably wouldn't have made it this far without your loyal and encouraging support!


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